SS why do they blame the mother?

[seaofyou]

First time poster on this thread.


How does a mother who reports abuse that her dc discloses to SS (who don't do do anything) so mum reports herself to CPU (as advised by solicitor) and the mother end's up being told by CPU that she has persecutory delusions on the morning they about to do videod interview with dc! 5 minutes after speaking to the SW!!!
I am very angry at Social Services!

Any thoughts? Advice?

I am now refusing to report any more disclosures (month ago) for fear of being accused as having FII!

How did I become the suspect when all I did was report serious abuse to the correct authorities?

[victorialucas]

I'm confused. Can you clarify please? Did your DC tell you someone abused them? And then you reported this to SS? They are investigating but have accused you of being delusional? Is that the jist?

[sunshineandbooks]

You are obviously hurt and angry and I feel for you and your DC.

I'm not really sure what's going on. I think to make it clearer you need to say what type of allegations were made and why the SWs feel you are delusional, but if you do that I'd really recommend that you ask for all your posts on this thread to be deleted once you've got the help or support you need from the discussion.

I'm really sorry you feel so low though and hope you feel better soon.

[seaofyou]

Yes ds disclosed to me and his tutors. They recorded it in statements. After I realised that SW was not taking it serious the final disclosure last yr to tutor I made sure my mobile was their and ds disclosed and it was recorded on my mobile. sW did not want to listen to it/never visited ds to interview so then I contacted CPU and they interviewed ds at home and asked to attend family suite next day. We arrived and detective said 'I have been speaking to SW and their is a lot of grievances in past. So we are not taking it any further! Why do you have persecutory delusions about this man.

This man ds df. Attacked my home for 3 yrs df has no contact with ds (df sent solicitor letter saying didn't want to see ds anymore) the attacks have stopped since CCTV being fitted 12 months ago. However spotted a car weekend after the df was served with court order for maintanence. I have kept CCTV footage and need a CCTV specialist to get clearer footage of the person in the car?

ex would have no reason to be in area as lives abroad now and has no friends in my area!

sorry to much info and it is complicated.

[seaofyou]

Sunshine physical abuse...slapped ds 15 times in face, you may ask how does dc know. my ds has an excellent memory. he has AS and was non verbal when the abuse started and would come back head butting etc Paediatrician said 'des not used to change' so I excepted ds odd aggressive behaviour on return from visits with df (ds placid child so totally out of character ) but ds would go the home every week so wasn't a change as used to it (grandp house), the df used to visit ds 3 times a yr.
Ds would stay overnight so could spend whole wkd with df as didn't visit very often.
there was strangulation, giving foods ds is allergic too(gluten), throwing across room and squeezing private parts. Just general slapping a non verbal dc at 3-5 yrs of age too (but I know that doesn't count as abuse).
Ds could not tell me verbally but the head butting and destroying toys on return was suspicions that pros never listened too when I asked about it.

[seaofyou]

I think ds has PTSD as out 4 wkds ago and saw boys with their df and started up again. Ds disclosed to a dc in playground. If he told a teacher it would be taken serious maybe if they then report it to SS as they be then accused of FII!?
I met with SS Manager and gave copy of statements and let them hear the disclosure on mobile I said I was angry nothing was done and I had to go to CPU as basically not believed! Then accused by DI I was psychotic!

SS manager said if ds discloses again to contact her (I phoned 2 weeks ago and she has not called back) not to discuss with ds and they will interview ds. why bother CPU said CPS said it could never go to court as ds has ASD and it happened 3-4 yrs ago!
also I will be accused again, blamed and. Even risk of dc being taken off me:(

[sunshineandbooks]

Correct me if I've got it wrong, but is the situation this:?

Your DS disclosed abuse from his father to you and his tutors. You reported this to SS. Nothing was done so you followed up by self-referring to the child protection unit. They then questioned DS and brought in the police who have decided to do nothing because you've made allegations about your DS's father in the past but no proof was found so they have concluded that you have a persecution complex?

If that's the case then you're going to have an uphill battle on your hands. I do feel for you because many women have been forced to let abuse go unpunished because of absence of proof. I suppose the only silver lining is that your X doesn't want to see your DS anymore so your DS is safe from any future abuse at least. Given that they interviewed your DS, have they not listened to what he had to say about it? Are they trying to say that you have coached him or something? In which case, that's a serious allegation by itself, but if they're not saying that, then surely the only other viewpoint is that your DS is telling the truth and they should be acting on that. How old is your DS BTW, as that might have a bearing.

I'm really sorry that you were attacked to such an extent that you felt it necessary to install CCTV. That's horrific.

[sunshineandbooks]

X posts. Bloody hell, that sounds horrific!

[seaofyou]

Ds was 3-4 when used to return distressed and aggressive. ds tried to tell us for 3 yrs he was slapped in face for turning df computer off 12 months ago he had language to tell me and tutors:(
Ds memory and literalness because of condition should also be a factor that they should know ds was telling truth.
I have a new front door now as the door frame was falling out of the wall of the house from the kicks and attempts to force it open whilst we slept. The new door has no letterbox. the first attack when the door was kicked a fake petrol bomb was left outside front door. When police came they said it was kids and threw it away....I pleaded with them to finger print it and said df due in court that week re maintenance ( it was cancelled by courts but they wrote to df saying I cancelled it). this possibly reinforced the then 3 yrs of attacking my property:(

[sunshineandbooks]

OMG. No wonder you're a nervous wreck living with all that.

I'm really sorry I have no helpful advice to give you for what is a truly shitty situation, but I have sympathy in spades and I believe you.

[seaofyou]

Solicitor thinks I should tell school re abuse disclosures in case ds discloses to teacher and it can be taken seriously. I am petrified if I tell school they will just contact SS who will then say I am making it up then CIN or CP order slapped on me. I am about to return to work with vul group if that then happens I will not be able to work as CRB will show this? I will have lost a career, that I work closely with SS as part of my job! Now I am being accused its awful!
I feel that being ds 'voice' to fight for justice for ds it has resulted in authorities pointing finger of suspicion at me:(

[sunshineandbooks]

Oh that's so difficult.

Why are they saying you are making this all up? What about what DS says? How can they ignore that? Like you I tend to think that surely your DS's AS means what he is saying can be taken more seriously, not less.

If DS discloses anything to school and they're not aware of the background and report it to SS themselves, would that make it carry more weight cos it hasn't come from you do you think?

[seaofyou]

Thank you sunshine....I have been looking up on Internet and the amount of wrongful accusations is crazy and SS have to get so many children removed to meet targets and therefore the more they get removed the more chance of promotion etc!

Ds had a SW for direct payments re disability, nothing to do with CP, CIN etc....I went WA for counselling for ds re abuse and witnessing attacking on house. They would happen when the tutors left the house. WA reported my asking for help to SS so feelI can't even ask vol agencies for help!
There is no help for ds because of AS need specialist psychologist which CAMHS don't have. paed said hopefully ds will forget in time...but ds triggered by seeing nice df's with dc in park! Feel like I have been sucked back to 12 months ago when ds disclosed (after seeing a man in pool who looked like df and daughter who looked like ds half ds).

What does a mother do in this position I feel lost, alone and accused to frightened to say anything to anyone!

[sunshineandbooks]

I'm so, so sorry seaofyou. I wish there was something I could say or suggest that would help.

[seaofyou]

No thank you sunshine just having someone listen where I feel I talk about it safely helps.
I hope ds discloses it in school. his 1:1 will know it is real and ask for it to be taken further as ds disclosed to her when it was recorded on mobile and 1:1 statement. 1:1 could not believe what happened (I asked 1:1 who worked for me at time not disclose to school as after being accused by DI after his little chat with SW 5 minutes before ds was to be interview at family suit at police station that Because it was Nit being taken serious school may be told mum has FII or Munchausen's BP...take their pick hey! They ain't even mental health professionals to assess or diagnosis never mind accuse!

[seaofyou]

Ds 7 and DI said to ds 'tell me about you df?' ds said 'df slapped me in face for turning df's computer off'. The DI said he did not need to ask anything else and wanted ds down station next morning.

Then next morning DI came out to waiting area and said 'we are not going to interview ds now I just spoke to your ds SW and their is a lot of history of grievances going on.'
When I then said no ex was attacking my house DI said 'you seem to have persecutory delusions about your ex'

At that point I just shoke my head as got the message and left. I phoned SW and asked out right did she I had grievances and I was making it up she clarified it!
I phoned her boss and asked for new SW straight away and asked SS manager to investigate what happened? I had meeting 2 months ago as could not pin SS manager down and she said CPS would not take it further due to ds age/disability and no proof. I asked why did DI then visit my house and interview ds and ask for ds to come to be interviewed the next day if CPS said even before DI visited this would not stand up in court! Then DI stop it proceeding after chat with SW 5 mins earlier!

New SW said it was handled wrong and SW and police should have attended immediately to interview ds when I first contact SW.
But after being accused I have no faith in the a system that blames the mother without even looking at the situation.

How does the become the abuser in their eyes when I and many thousand other mothers try and do the right thing.

I can't disclose anything else to SS even solicitor is worried that they will then do CIN or CP order!

This actually feels unreal because it is so real and I am still shocked how I was judged!!!

[seaofyou]

How does the mother become the abuser

[seaofyou]

I found this recent article on DailyMail last night

here

[Nyac]

Very sorry you're going through this seaofyou.

Social services and the courts don't generally protect children from abuse. They are good at persecuting mothers though.

[seaofyou]

I know Nyac I leant that the hard way:(
Do they just try their arm at picking on single mums with no family/witnesses?

Ds on third SW because it has been gross misconduct each time....I have enough battles with ds disability to even have strength to put complaint in. I should have reported DI also at time (I did try and get answers, but they can do what they blarney well like).
I am probably going to get bashed now but if I had a 'male' their I think things would have been different as they just see it as the vengeful ex who is bitter and twisted making it up
Mind you ex would not have done half the things if I had a strapping male here to knock 7 bells out of the coward.

[Seabright]

The journalist Camilla Cavendish at The Times specialises in child protection and family court work & has done some excellent campaigning. Do you think it would be worth trying to talk to her, on condition of annonimity (sp)?

[seaofyou]

Oh would she be able to help? What would she do sea bright?

[Seabright]

She'd want to write about you, but her backing might bring some weight to your case. Could you afford a private psyciatric assessment, to prove your "sanity"? I don't even kniw if that's possible?

[seaofyou]

I could get one of my old mates to do one I guess?

[Seabright]

Couldn't hurt, I don't think. So long as it's not obvious it's a mate

[jifnotcif]

I agree your experience is worthy of exposure to the press. The council should be named and shamed. Apart from the obvious incompetence there is also disability discrimination.