am I being too sensitive, or was he really a silly old bugger?

[birdinatent]

My job is to interview random members of the public in their own homes for the Office for National Statistics.

Today I went to one of my addresses, where I met an elderly man who was initially ok, if a little hostile as to why I hadnt made an appointment with him (that was what I was trying to do!) and then after making an appointment for tomorrow, changed his mind and said if I wasnt going to pay him for his information (which would have consisted mainly of his dob and illnesses!) he would not be participating. So far so normal.

What really got on my nerves was the fact that while I was trying to persuade him of the benefit of participating in a very important statistical process (well if no one does my survey, there would be no retail price index, no employment figures, no inflation rate.....we are very important!!!! and I love my job)
he was just talking over the top of me, and kept saying, "look, you're a very pretty girl, but just because you're pretty doesnt mean I am going to do this"

I AM 45 YEARS OLD!!!!!! I am not a girl by any stretch! I texted my husband, and he said I should take it as a compliment cos I was nowt but a lass to the old bloke.......but it didnt stop me from wanting to poke him in the eye!

[KRITIQ]

Lots of different issues here I think.

YABU to think an elderly man was being difficult when he was anxious that you hadn't made an appointment, even if that was the purpose of your visit. Older people can feel vulnerable when on their own and reluctant to let strangers in. Many have fallen prey to con artists posing as legit officials. Your unexpected visit may have unsettled him, which could have contributed to what happened afterwards.

YABU to try and 'persuade' him to take part in your study after he said he didn't want to be involved. You were in his home, trying to get him to do something he didn't want to do. I accept that you had a job to do and why it's important, but as soon as he said no, that should have been enough. It may have been that he suddenly felt frightened and gave the excuse of the money to get you out. There are ways to engage with people who may be vulnerable to ensure they feel as ok as possible, and you're likely to get better quality data from a relaxed, openly co-operative person as well.

I understand the man's comment about your appearance and calling you a girl to be patronising and irritating. It's hard to know in such circumstances whether to ignore or politely explain why you don't like what they've said. It's possible that they might not get why you are concerned.

As for your DH saying treat it as a compliment, no. If it didn't feel like a compliment to you, it wasn't. Your DH isn't entitled to decide or even suggest what you should feel, so on that score, YANBU.

[Dustinthewind]

I hate people knocking on my door asking for random stuff, and we get a lot of them round here, I certainly don't want to be involved in surveys and whatnot, current top favourite seems to be solar power and nosiness about my computer.
I say no and shut the door, or hang up.
So he's an elderly bloke who doesn't know you and he wants you to go away, but you are persistent, so in his out-of-date and sexist way he points out that despite your attractiveness, he won't be manipulated.
You've 45? How old was he? Old enough to be your dad?
You sound over-sensitive to go around bothering strangers.

[Dustinthewind]

If he'd said 'I'm a sucker for a pretty girl, so I'll do it' would you have walked out in a froth of offended sensibilities, or sat and let him answer the questions?
Because you got what you wanted.

[seaweedhead]

Sounds to me like you were being pushy and he was trying to tell you to bugger off in the nicest way he knew how.

[rainbowinthesky]

Love the irony that you call him a silly old bugger whilst complaining about him saying you are pretty!

You make it sound like you were doing him a favour. It sounds like, as another posters says, he was trying to get rid of you politely as you were being invasive and irritating.

[birdinatent]

gosh, I was trying to be a little light hearted when I posted this last night, but it seems I must have got the tone wrong!

Yes he had irritated me but not as much as my job obviously irritates you lot!!

I hope I never get your address dustinthewind as having the door shut in my face really makes my day. And as for being unreasonable by trying to "persuade" my respondent KRITIQ thats what we are trained to do.

we dont cold call, by the time someone gets a visit from me they have recieved a letter from the ONS, with a leaflet and explanation of what the research will be about, and a letter from me to explain which week I will be visiting.
I dont "knock on the door and ask about random stuff, like solar power and noisy computers, but as I should just accept a no and walk away, you would never actually get to find out what I am asking would you?

next time you hear them announce the employment figures or the inflation rate or a million other things that we actually need to know in order to try and run the country, please bear in mind that without irritating people like me they wouldnt have a clue.

[MrsClown]

birdinatent - I used to do your job when my son was a baby. Most of the people who got stroppy with me were the people I was disturbing while they were watching Sky movies! you are doing a valuable job. People used to get quite rude and I just used to think to myself 'well I am probably working to pay your benefits' and walk away.

As far as the old guy is concerned, to him you probably are very young and that generation are used to calling women 'girls' so dont take it to heart. I tend not to pull people up on it of a certain age but I do others.

[KRITIQ]

birdinatent, I wasn't suggesting that your job wasn't important, although I'm still a bit iffy about the idea of being trained to "persuade" people to co-operate, particularly those who may be vulnerable due to age, illness, disability, etc.

I'm just putting myself in this man's shoes. Yes he was sent a letter and leaflet, but the postal services isn't infallible. Even if he got it, he might not have been able to read it if he had visual or literacy issues and he might not have understood the contents. Official-looking correspondence can cause considerable confusion and anxiety for some older people. For most folks, the letter and leaflet would probably be sufficient, but it's wrong to assume that would be enough for every person.

I know it's probably not within the scope of your job, but I would suggest the ONS take a hard look at how they engage with people who may struggle with letters and leaflets, who may feel frightened, threatened or confused by strangers visiting their home and answering questions. I accept it's important to collect the information for a whole range of purposes, they need to consider HOW they do it, to take account of specific issues and needs for some people. This is important if they want to collect the most robust and representative data.

[CailinDana]

I don't know if it makes you feel any better bird but I love completing these kinds of surveys I took part in the workforce survey a couple of years ago and I was gutted when they called to follow up and said I couldn't participate any more because I had moved. I used to do research so I know how difficult and frustrating it can be trying get people to participate.

As for his comments I think he was trying to appease you rather than insult you. It's better than being told to fuck off isn't it?

[OneHandFlapping]

I have declined to take part in a National Office for Statistics survey. There are so many scammers out there, and it would be so easy to create a fake letter and fake id, that it's easier to just say no, rather than risk subsequently being a victim of identity fraud.

I didn't want to be rude, but I did end up shutting the door in the face of the very persistant man.

[birdinatent]

The ONS have been collecting statistics for many years KRITIQ, and I'm not sure what other methods could be used to collect "the most robust and representative data" other than making participation compulsory, as it is in several other members of the EU. We have to rely on the public spirit of the respondents, unfortunately this is sometimes lacking.
I interview hundreds of people in a year, and I would never put pressure on someone that was vulnerable, several times I have withdrawn from situations where I could see I was causing distress or worry. I've even contacted carers and social workers to explain.
It amuses me that you keep putting such emphasis on my use of the word "persuade", as if what I was actually going to do was waterboard the poor man if he refused to answer my questions! All I wanted to do was address his worries and explain what I would be asking and that nothing was compulsory, but unfortunately he would not let me get a word in edgeways.
Yes, the stroppy feminist in me bristled at being called a "pretty girl" but it was more annoying to be shouted down tbh. He was not in any way vulnerable, he was just a grumpy old man who decided to have an argument, thats all.

OneHand, its a shame that we have become so suspicious of people that you would assume you were being scammed by a Civil Service dept just doing a job, the interviewer was only being persistant because he was probably trying to convince you that you had nothing to worry about, unfortunately there are some people who will never believe what we say, and I usually find its better just to walk away from those situations as there is no chance of an interview anyway.

And yes CailinDana, it is better than being told to fuck off!!