would you recommend the book 'Wifework' and if not, what instead?

[yosammitysam]

Need to read something to get my thoughts in order. Just had yet another stonking row with dh along the usual lines of me feeling like I do everything and him saying that I don't appreciate what he does do, blah, blah, blah. I really do think I have a valid point to make about the imbalance of the emotional and practical responsibilites I have ended up having, just because I'm the 'mum'. I'm at home full time with our 3 ds's and dh has a very difficult and demanding job but it is term time only. The holidays can become a total battlefield for a million reasons and I'm sick of it.

The problem is I end up moaning/whinging/nagging or totally losing it and being a proper maniac about it (like this morning!). Then I apologise and he forgets all about it but we are back where we started.

Like i say I need to get my thoughts in order because he feels he can't win whatever he does and i can't seem to explain what I want- maybe because I don't.

Him offering to 'help' drives me mad- the assumption being everything is my job but he will assist occasionally. He will get on with a few chores without being asked but tends to do it halfheartedly, like it's just soooo boring and if he doesn't know where things go, he'll just guess rather that ask, but if he asks it drives me mad because he ought to know! For example this week, the gas man came round and he didn't know where the meter was, and when I asked him to turn down the thermostat he genuinely couldn't find it. We've lived in this house for 18 months. But he doesn't think it's a problem- he doesn't see why he should know that sort of stuff. If I try and explain it I sound ridiculous, as maybe I do now! He'll act like I've started a row over the thermostat and why on earth am I making such a big deal about it!

Aaargh! Sorry, but it is making me a bit mental. I need to read something so I know what I think and can explain it sensibly!!!!"!!

[thunderboltsandlightning]

That sounds very frustating.

I just linked to this on another thread - The Politics of Housework

What you're experiencing from him is passive resistance.