Friend's DH is an arse

[irnbruguzzler]

I invited her on a night out. She never gets out and clearly wanted to go but didn't because her DH 'wanted to go to the gym'. He's a selfish pig isn't he? DF never gets a break, this was a rare opportunity. He can go to the gym anytime. How can I get her to see that he was being unreasonable and is borderline abusive/controlling?

[BarnMummy]

Does this often happen or was this a one-off? I'm not sure that telling her that her DH is borderline abusive / controlling is necessarily going to be helpful without (a) clarifying that this is a regular occurrence and (b) some general chat about what you and she think is reasonable to expect in a relationship.

For example, DH and I feel that one of his friends is treated pretty poorly by her DH, but it seems to work for them and my DH respects his friend's choice of partner.

[EleanorRathbone]

You give far too little information for anyone reasonable to form an opinion.

[ecclesvet]

Does she have to spot him?! Why would that stop her?

[irnbruguzzler]

She would have needed him to "babysit" ( yes his own dcs). It's the same story you hear all the time on rels board: he works, she's samh, his life unchanged since dcs, hers miserable. I don't think she's had a break in 4 years. He swans off to gym, she has no hobbies/ free time. They live somewhere she hates cos he won't move. Etc etc

[WoTmania]

It's really difficult. I have a friend who has a husband who is similar. She totally recognises what he's like. He 'lets' her go out occasionally but often she doesn't because he gets really arsey a few days before and if she doesn't change her mind is and arsehole for a few days after. She figures it's easiest to just not go out :(. Of course if he wants to go out that's fine

She knowa he's controlling and abusive but whenever she's gatting angry enough to consider leaving he starts the nice/considerate act for a bit.

[echt]

That's because he's an arse.

Solidgoldbrass and AnyFucker have much to say on this, and all to the point. Mostly on the Relationships forum.