Pester power: my 4 yo really wants Barbie, what to do?

[Greythorne]

i know it's not the most taxing question on the feminism board, but how would you handle this?

DD1 has never had Barbie, although various Polly Pockets and Strawberry Shortcake dolls have made their way into our house :)

I just feel so strongly that Barbie is a terrible representation of the female body, i.e. She's completely out of proportion, her hips are impossibly thin, her waist ridiculous etc. And that's before we start on the predominantly pink outfits, the emphasis on appearance etc.

I know children enjoy role playing via dolls and recognise the developmental need to play house, play parent, play at setting up a little imaginary world. And so I have steered DD1 towards.....Sylvanian Families, which, while heavy on gender clichés feature animals rather than fetishised female forms.

But of course all her friends have Barbie. And Barbie is everywhere.

Just one more instance to chalk up to be being "well-intentioned but (perceived by child as) evil mummy?

[ElderberrySyrup]

my approach to this kind of thing is not to ban but not to buy it for her myself either.

[MillyR]

Barbie's body has changed (not sure about in the US but definitely in the UK). She does not have the deformed body she had when I was a child. Her body is somewhere near to the realms of perfect but plausible now.

There are a variety of different kinds of similar dolls, so you do not have to buy Barbie. DD has High School Musical dolls and Hairspray dolls (including Tracy who is overweight). These may be more acceptable dolls.

You could also choose a particular Barbie occupation set, rather than a very pink dressy one. There is a vets set out at the moment I think. The sister sets are also out, and there are 3 or 4 younger sisters to Barbie, which you mind find more appropriate.

I'll shut up now, as I sound like I work for Hasbro!

[IHeartKingThistle]

Lurking as I have the exact same issue.

I was thinking of getting the brunette one in the long dress or the vet but even then I would feel like I'm going against what I believe in. DH says she's just a little girl that wants a dolly. I'm .

[SardineQueen]

In all honesty? I would probably just get her one. Or say to her relatives that she'd like one for xmas/birthday and that way it's not you buying it!

I think (as milly says) you can get ones that are doing worthy stuff so maybe one of those? TBH though if she wants a barbie she probably wants a pink one!

[ElderberrySyrup]

In my experience, at 4 they are so excited by what you actually get them for Xmas that they don't get disappointed about what they didn't get. Maybe it is different when they're older.

Also once they start having birthday parties they will get almost nothing but pink girly stuff from their friends, so IMO it is the parent's job to provide the counterbalance.

[Greythorne]

Gosh, I am surprised by your responses!
Maybe I am overthinking / over reacting :)
But i really can't get my head round it.......

[AMumInScotland]

FWIW I don't think a single toy is going to be the major factor in how you raise your child. In the same way that there aren't "bad foods" but you can certainly have a "bad diet", one Barbie doll amongst a range of toys and activities is not going to counteract the other messages you give her about positive body-image, gender stereotyping, or anything else. I was just looking at Barbie, because of the Sindy thread, and you can get doctor, vet and racing driver versions, which do at least have a role in life beyond looking pretty.

[Matronalia]

If its the Barbie thing (for me its all the additional branding and merchandise rather than the actual doll) you could look at Liv dolls instead e.g.

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0038OMF76/ref=asc_df_B0038OMF765280774?smid=A2K41X34GYD6V9&linkCode=asn&creative=22218&creativeASIN=B0038OMF76&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

or this from Argos

www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/9363126/Trail/searchtext%3EDOLL.htm

DD was never interested but DS is, so I have been looking at these sorts of things for Xmas.

[weevilswobble]

I think you can do more harm by the things you deny them sometimes. She'll have moved on by the time shes 9 or 10. Dont make it a big deal. Get one from a car boot, at least then you're not boosting the market for plastic tat. Giving a toy a new home, saving from landfill. Would that balance the karma?

[FFSEnid]

What about getting her the racing driver one, or the snowboarder of chef. Architect barbie and computer engineer barbie are only available in America atm but you can get them on ebay.

[FFSEnid]

or chef

[northender]

I've had just the same dilemma but then saw the design a friend dolls at Argos which Matronalia linked to. dd loves the look of them and there are loads of outfits and accessory sets that rellys can buy. If you google them the reviews are very good. dd is going to get one for her birthday next week so I'll happily report back.

[Matronalia]

The thing about Barbie is that its not just the doll, its everything that comes with it that doesn't come with other 'fashion' dolls e.g. the argos doll.

To start with the range of dolls/clothing alone is massive, then there is barbie clothing, DVDs, CDs, bedlinen, shoes, curtains, lamps, lampshades, blankets, plates, cutlery, carseats, books, stickers, hairbands, pencil cases, stationary etc.

With other dolls there isn't the sheer immersibility and branding, that recognisable name and its power. Pretty much whatever your child wants and needs can be found with that desirable Barbie logo and even if you don't want to go down that route you are setting yourself up for some pestering. You have to be pretty strong to stop at just one doll. And the majority of the tie in stuff is pink or purple.

I personally find that all more objectionable than her unrealistic figure.

[jasper]

buy her a Barbie

[Greythorne]

Jasper
Care to elaborate?

[fewcloudy]

I would suggest that sometimes you have to choose your battles! And yes, you want to avoid what you said in your OP if possible, ""well-intentioned but (perceived by child as) evil mummy?"


Her receiving a Barbie Doll will not undo all the good work that takes place all year round. It's likely that many who post here will also have had a Barbie Doll at some point in their lives, and look how rounded and, er, well-balanced they've all turned out, ahem.

I'll get my coat...

[Fennel]

I would let her have it. I used to enjoy my Sindy dolls back in my childhood, they came dressed for ballet but mine spent a lot of time camping, abseiling etc. And it didn't deter my sister and me from becoming pretty hardcore feminists.

Similarly my dds have had a few barbies, none of them played very much with them but again the Barbies spent their time in various pursuits, not just as fashion victims. My older 2 dds are spectacularly uninterested in fashion and clothes. I know the arguments against Barbie but she can be played with just as a doll.

[ElderberrySyrup]

You might have to pick your battles and yes it's not the only thing that will influence her, but I cannot think of a single reason why you should buy her the Barbie.
Yes she wants one, but then my dd wants loads of stuff, whatever the last advert was on Milkshake or CITV usually.

[ElderberrySyrup]

I mean, why waste your hard-earned money on it? You don't have to declare a Barbie-free zone and upset well-meaning friends and relatives who thought it would be a lovely present and only want to make her happy, but you don't have to prop the whole thing up yourself, do you?

[ncjust4this]

If you think Barbies are awful, have you seen Bratz doll... just saying like.....

Barbies are quite generic and although I dont think they are ideal, for dd they are just hand sized dolls to manipulate (An undress- NEVER dress!). Bratz with their stick like bodies and massive heads make me feel a bit sick though.

[snailoon]

I wouldn't take this so seriously. I bought a barrel of Barbies and all their Barbie crap (about 20 dolls) for 20 pounds in a charity / junk shop. The most fun my daughter had was the day she gave them all rather drastic haircuts, but they have also been decapitated and melted for art projects by her older brothers.

[HandDivedScallopsrgreat]

I wouldn't buy my DD one - especially aged 4. As ES says there is no need to prop up this image by actively buying her one. She doesn't need one and I am sure that there are other things that she would like. She is likely to be overwhelmed with presents anyway.