So, the car salesman said to me...

[GooseyLoosey]

"When will your husband be coming in to look at the car?"

It is some time since I had come across such a sexist comment and was at something of a loss to work out how to respond. I left, but was that enough - will he understand why his comment was offensive? Should I have explained to him?

[ecclesvet]

Did you mention that you were married?

To give him the benefit of the doubt, perhaps he only assumed that your partner should also agree on the car in a consensual big-ticket purchase, rather than it being a husband's final decision type thing.

[AyeBelieveInTheHumanityOfMen]

Ring up the Dealer Manager and tell him why the dealership lost a sale.

[becstarsky]

Agree with AyeBelieve unless you specifically told him that you were married AND that the car would be shared between you and your husband and that he would be using it as much as you. If this wasn't the case then would definitely phone and say why you didn't buy your car from them. Must admit I had a moment when I read it - haven't heard one of those in a while, thank goodness!

[AyeBelieveInTheHumanityOfMen]

I'm not assuming the Dealer Manager is a man, btw! I typed something else out and changed it, but not enough.

[HazleNutt]

I was looking for water filters yesterday and one lovely site advertised their stuff with the following:

The advantages and benefits of a water softener will affect everyone in the family, often in different ways.

To the man of the house the concern of utmost importance may be the known scale reduction in the heating system.
To the housewife the soap reduction of 50% + and the considerable savings on the housekeeping will be highlighted.

They won't get my business either.

[becstarsky]

HazleNutt OMG - I'd expect to see that on a vintage 1960s print ad and think 'oh, those crazy 'mad men' style days!' The man of the house! The housewife who takes care of the 'housekeeping' and worries about soap usage! Surely if you only advertise to fictional characters, there's something wrong with your business plan...

[HazleNutt]

not kidding:
www.fourwindssofteners.co.uk/why_have_a_water_softener

[GetOrfMo1Land]

That ad!

Of course it would have to have a half naked woman in it as well.

[aftereight]

Definately complain. I had similar from a kitchen company. When I rang to speak to the manager to complain, he(!) defended the salesperson (a woman!) by saying "well to be fair it is usually the husband who sets the budget and makes the final decision". At which point I demanded to have my details removed from their system and told them I would be taking my £1000s elsewhere.
Shocking.

[becstarsky]

aftereight

[LRDTheFeministDragon]

Wow.

[OneHandFlapping]

Wtf is "the known scale reduction in the heating system"? I'm sorry, but that makes no sense to my poor little oestrogen-wrecked brain. I suppose that's why I'm not the Man of the House.

Why on earth don't they say "you'll reduce your heating bills by 10%", or "you'll reduce your fuel consumption by 10%"?

Also we don't use £20 of cleaning products a month!

[GooseyLoosey]

I think he may have asked for some details from me including name and title, so he may have known I was married.

I had made absolutely clear that the car was for me and had to meet my requirements. No mention at all of anyone else ever driving it.

It made me start to wonder if I presented myself not as the independent person I think but as some mumsy matron incapable of making her own decisions.

[YankNCock]

I'd be very annoyed Goosey. Definitely deserves to lose business.

[GooseyLoosey]

I did say "Since it's my decision - no and I have decided not to but a car from you". He just looked bewildered though and I really don't believe he got the point - just sees me as some weirdo woman.

[wamster]

Hmm in two minds about this: if you had not told him you were married, then for him to assume that a man would be involved in making decision would be a bit sexist, however, you did mention you were married and perhaps it is reasonable for somebody to think that major purchases are jointly bought as a couple.

A car is a major purchase for a lot of people.

The only way of not seeing this as sexism on his part would be if he had asked a man : 'when will your wife be seeing the car?'

[wicketkeeper]

At least you got a salesperson to talk to you!! Last time I was looking for a car me and adult DD walked into the showroom while DH parked the car. It took him quite a while, and in all that time not a soul came near us (we were opening car doors, sitting in the driver's seat, looking in the boot etc). When DH arrived, they were all over us like a rash. Once we'd got their attention he wandered off to look at something big and fancy and out of our price range. That confused 'em!!!!

[stressheaderic]

Last year, I bought a car from a dealership. Went on my own, part ex-ed my old car, test drove new one, set up paperwork. DP was at work and knew none of this.
Next day, DP accompanied me to the garage to sign papers just because he was off work. Dealer man spent the whole time addressing DP and barely looked at me apart from to sign papers.
Wish I hadn't have bought it really (but I really wanted it by that point!).

[weblette]

One of the reasons I bought from our local VW dealership was that they made absolutely no assumptions about who would be choosing the car, there were no patronising cracks about what nice colour I would like or how useful the illuminated mirrors were. Whe dh and I showed up to collect the car the salesman talked to me first throughout. Very refreshing and unlike a number of other local franchises.

[LydiaWickham]

send an e-mail to the manger of the dealership say it was unprofessional and patronising to someone who was purchasing the car with their own money and for their own use to suggest they wouldn't be fit to make the decision to buy or not on their own.

It annoyed me when DH and I went to buy my car, fair enough, we went together, but we'd both been clear it would be for me, yet asked DH if he wanted to test drive the car, not me.

[GooseyLoosey]

I think he had already irritated me by the time he got to this point so I was not pre-disposed to try and interpret his words in a reasonable way.

Him "What are you looking for in a car?"
Me "My current car is a 1.4l and underpowered, so I want something a bit more powerful".
Him "We have a nice little 1.2l run-about over here. You'd hardly notice the difference".

[WilsonFrickett]

I've just bought a car and I used to work for a chain of car dealerships in the early 90s and it hasn't changed, not one bit. It's the last bastion of 'tootsville' (as in, put the kettle on toots, what colour would you like it toots?) and its actually a bleddy disgrace. There is definitely money to be made here in training these dinosaurs, or setting up a dealership that provides proper, non-gender biased customer service.

FGS. (Sorry OP, but it's just too many bad memories from the other month )

[HazleNutt]

wow I'm amazed he even used complicated words like 1,2l with you and didn't just say that they have a pretty little women's car, easy to park youknow...