Feminism Chat Thread V

(589 Posts)

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LilBB Wed 20-Jul-11 15:12:48

Hello! I was a lurker at the beginning of the last chat thread but suppose I'm fully fledged feminist now. I might be around a bit less next week though as it back to work I go.

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DontCallMePeanut Wed 20-Jul-11 15:27:45

Still here <waves> just not v chatty atm. :/

BitterAndTwistedDeathEater Wed 20-Jul-11 15:36:54

Hi, I'm a bit of a lurker on the feminism boards.

I always want to post but feel I would be re-iterating what has already been said, but less intelligently blush

Room for a thickie? grin

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DontCallMePeanut Wed 20-Jul-11 15:45:19

Can we PLEASE set up an exam before admitting more members to the board? Please? grin

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Just realised I was still wearing my Harry Potter hat. grin

I've seen Trillian's quiz before, I like it smile

StewieGriffinsMom Wed 20-Jul-11 16:04:35

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DontCallMePeanut Wed 20-Jul-11 16:06:53

We don't get fruit loops in England, do we? sad I've never seen them here, anyway... Reason 1 of 100 I need to take DS to Florida soon grin

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What is a fruit loop when it's at home ? Is it like the fruit polos you used to get?

What happened Saf?

x posts, sorry.

TheRealMBJ Wed 20-Jul-11 16:23:04

Hi there, given that I sort of gatecrashed the last thread, would it be ok if I continued on this one?

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DontCallMePeanut Wed 20-Jul-11 16:27:56

We used to buy them when we went to Orlando as kids... Even managed to sneak a couple of boxes back in the suitcases grin

SAF, It is depressing... sad The lovely dose of sexism is one thing I don't miss about working in the pubs. Although, the last pub I worked in wasn't too bad. grin We'd more likely talk about politics, the state of Birmingham, and literature, than stand there gossiping.

TheRealMBJ Wed 20-Jul-11 16:58:04

We were never allowed Fruit Loops sad. My mum was a lentil-weaving muesli-eating, chocolate-denying weirdo.

DontCallMePeanut Wed 20-Jul-11 16:59:41

sad I may be a weirdo, but I don't deny DS chocolate, weave lentils or eat muesli. Definite no-no to muesli... Eurgh...

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TheRealMBJ Wed 20-Jul-11 17:33:20

Yes that's me. Although I'm not the esteemed medical journal grin

I'm not a denier of junk though, mainly because DS has spent a large part of his short life sick. And I'd give him anything to tempt his appetite

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Mouseface Wed 20-Jul-11 17:58:29

<sneaks in with a massive cheese board for all to share>

Newbie here but I passed the test on page one grin

And can I just say £9.99 for a box of fucking Fruit Loops? You'd have to be a fruit loop to pay that!

MJB - sorry to hear that your DS is not so great.

TheRealMBJ Wed 20-Jul-11 17:59:05

Yy. But that was at a time when disposables were unusual.

DS is fine, really. He seems to have a weak immune system, nothing they can find though, and consequently has frequent febrile illnesses. Which would be ok on their own but he also suffers from febrile convulsions sad and the latest one almost sent him into status epilepticus

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LilBB Wed 20-Jul-11 18:12:54

I hope he's ok MBJ. Must be difficult not having a concrete diagnosis.

I've eaten all my twinkies so will have to wait for next years visit for more supplies. I found them in Uk but they coat £1 each which is a bit of a rip off when they are like $5 for 10. I do like to visit the expensive American food shop and try odd things. Amazed that you can make macaroni cheese from a box and how many pop tart flavours you can get. What's fluff does anyone know? I wouldn't pay £10 for cereal though.

Mouseface Wed 20-Jul-11 18:21:35

Ah, thanks for the explanation MBJ

Never tried twinkies LilBB, I always thought that they'd be squishy and stodgy..... I love jerky though, had loads when I went to Canada. YUM!!!

Himalaya Wed 20-Jul-11 18:22:11

It's like damp marshmallow in a jar- like the inside of a Tunnock's Teacake

TheRealMBJ Wed 20-Jul-11 18:25:26

Fluff is marshmallow spread for bread. Never had it myself (am not American though)

They've tested for immune deficiencies etc but all normal. Children grow out of febrile convulsions by age 5 but it is still a long way off considering he is only 19months old. There is an option to out him onto long term anticonvulsants but at the moment I am not keen on the side-effects.

StewieGriffinsMom Wed 20-Jul-11 18:49:57

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TheRealMBJ Wed 20-Jul-11 19:00:00

Tinkles? We had Tinkies in SA, like a processed ongewoon cake with cream through the middle?

TheRealMBJ Wed 20-Jul-11 19:00:47

Sponge blush. Told you I'm shit at autocorrect.

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TheRealMBJ Wed 20-Jul-11 19:03:11

Like Old Jamaica?

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LilBB Wed 20-Jul-11 19:13:37

You can't beat Cadburys or Galaxy chocolate mmmm. Also a good cup of tea can only be found in the UK. I think that's possibly something to do with the water though.

Mouseface Wed 20-Jul-11 20:00:55

I am an avid Cadbury's girl. And I love D&B to drink and in hard boiled sweet form. grin

Prolesworth Wed 20-Jul-11 22:20:07

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TheRealMBJ Wed 20-Jul-11 22:38:17

Fentiman's Rose Lemonade is sublime

DontCallMePeanut Wed 20-Jul-11 22:46:05

Is it wrong that I'm planning for DS's 4th birthday already? (it's not til January, but I'm planning on taking him to Disneyland to a feminism bootcamp)

StayFrosty Wed 20-Jul-11 22:47:06

all fentiman's pop is lovely smile

hello good evening. how's everyone? real mbj, sorry your ds is poorly, that must be very scary for you.

DontCallMePeanut Wed 20-Jul-11 22:50:48

Never tried Fentimans pop. Am I missing out? confused

Prolesworth Wed 20-Jul-11 22:52:36

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TheRealMBJ Wed 20-Jul-11 22:56:48

Thank you Frosty. He's fine at the moment. It comes in fits and starts. Problem is that I turn into a bit of a paranoid 'bubble-parent' whenever he starts acting a little strangely. Like this morning. He wasn't himself so I took his temperature a million times and cancelled all my plans for the afternoon so that we could stay in but it turned out he was just tired.

StayFrosty Wed 20-Jul-11 23:05:15

it is hard at this age isn't it? maybe when he can tell you a bit more about what's going on with him you won't feel so anxious, or it will be less present.

anyway i should go to bed, my 21 mo has declared war on sleep these last two weeks. i think it might be his teeth.

Mouseface Thu 21-Jul-11 12:10:02

Afternoon smile

Jeff, my head is spinning. Been to Stay & Play with Nemo this morning and it was one of 'those' days. I was up for an hour with him last night, then 40 mins with DD as she had terrible period pains. She's only just started her cycle so she is yet to experience the joys of periods, bless her.

I had to give her pain killers and a hot water bottle, then hold her whilst she cried with the pain. sad

I got to bed at 4am, DH didn't notice a thing and has now popped off to Lords. So I have 2 days of just me and the DC. Bliss grin

How are we all? x

DontCallMePeanut Thu 21-Jul-11 13:33:14

We're good here, thanks, Mouse. Y'know, I've never had period pains. You would think it's a blessing, but my periods are irregular as our local bus service. Hope she feels better soon, mouse.

Mouseface Thu 21-Jul-11 13:45:29

Hey peanut smile

Thanks for your kind words for DD. It's horrid. I've been like this for 22 years. I really hope she's okay at school today. Periods are the work of the Devil!!

AuntieMonica Thu 21-Jul-11 13:51:04

found you!

i've been waiting for the new chat thread to start, so <hopefully> i can keep up with this one smile

seems a good place to jump in actually, periods are very high on my agenda atm. i've wished my life away waiting for the menopause it seems, now i think it's upon me and i can't stop fucking crying sad

<very needy>

DontCallMePeanut Thu 21-Jul-11 13:51:25

I know my DSis used to find chocolate helped with her period pains... gives you an excuse to curl up with a bar of chocolate later, methinks wink I do hope you don't start synchronising, though grin When I was in the refuge, we had six of us synced to literally within a two day period. Now imagine 5 women with PMT (I don't get that, either...), and eight kids running about...

DontCallMePeanut Thu 21-Jul-11 13:52:40

<Offers a shoulder for AuntieMonica to cry on>

AuntieMonica Thu 21-Jul-11 13:54:27

thanks Peanut

i'm taking it out on the arsehole poster who's trolling started a thread about not being welcome as he's a twat man

DontCallMePeanut Thu 21-Jul-11 14:06:42

Oooh... which thread is this?

AuntieMonica Thu 21-Jul-11 14:07:59

knock yourself out


but leave some for me, ok wink

DontCallMePeanut Thu 21-Jul-11 14:18:12

Bah, I'm sick of the whole "single mothers can't successfully raise sons" line... :/

AuntieMonica Thu 21-Jul-11 14:22:18

now that is an odd one. i grew deaf to that one, still am wink

like i said before, it's being a married parent with a young DD that i struggle with.

DontCallMePeanut Thu 21-Jul-11 14:36:57

Ooh, head over to page 8 onwards of the AIBU to dislike Harriet Harman thread... ;) Saf and myself are the spawn of satan there, it seems... grin

AuntieMonica Thu 21-Jul-11 14:38:35

<dons flack jacket and grabs zipwire>

i'll be right there soldier!

(not sure am much use, if anyone is nasty to me i'll just cry again blush)

DontCallMePeanut Thu 21-Jul-11 14:39:15

Oh Mouseface I feel for your DD. For the first couple of years of having periods I had really bad period pains and fairly heavy periods. Since then just mild discomfort really and for shorter periods of time (although since having DS periods have definitely been heavier). I remember a teacher at school commenting that if you think that periods are bad now wait until you get older. It was definitely the opposite for me.

AuntieMonica here is a hug from me! ((()))

I haven't caught up with the HH thread since last night. Maurice still at it is he - bless him!

sunshineandbooks Thu 21-Jul-11 15:10:30

Afternoon all. smile

I've waded into the HH thread. I love a good single mother myth-busting thread. wink

Sorry to hear about your DD mouse.

AuntieMonica Thu 21-Jul-11 15:12:02

thanks HandDived i'm having an angry phase now, this is so weird.

Been looking throught the 'menopause' threads and seems i'm right there <harrumphs>

<cries again>

DontCallMePeanut Thu 21-Jul-11 15:13:18

Sunshine, they are fun, aren't they grin

HDSG, nope. he's disappeared. It's now TartyDoris.

DontCallMePeanut Thu 21-Jul-11 15:13:57

<Hands a tissue to Monica>

Hello everyone.

Sometimes the internet feels like banging your head against a big brick wall, doesn't it? Sometimes, even that feeling is very informative. I cannot get over the amount of people who're horrified by the possibility of female separatism. Even by the discussion of the possibility of female separatism. It's like a microcosm of people's attitudes towards feminism in general. "but but women are bitchy and also bad like men and WHAT ABOUT TEH MENZ?!"


smile Filthy hot and humid here, and DS is having a screamy day. Lovely DH has taken him out. I am making myself a very cold drink and getting to work...

AuntieMonica Thu 21-Jul-11 16:02:11

hi blackcurrants

what's in your drink? <sniffs about>

DontCallMePeanut Thu 21-Jul-11 16:03:38

May be only six months later than promised, but it seems student finance have finally sorted out my "overpayment" (which wasn't an overpayment). The guy I spoke to this time was lovely! Really couldn't do enough to help, and, for the first time ever, forwarded everything to head office with a disapproving tone in his voice, saying "this should have been sorted months ago, and I'm really sorry..." He understood where I was coming from, turns out he's a parent student as well grin See? Get the right people...

I have "chock full o'nuts" coffee, full-cream milk, and splenda over ice.

Yeah baby. Homebrew ice coffee, Noo Joiisy Style grin

Second (and last) cup of the day. I have to put any iced drink on a napkin cos the humidity makes anything cold sweat like crazy. I'd offer it around but MINEMINEMINE. I'm a grabby selfish feminist, y'see smile

DCMP I am SO glad to hear that. It's amazing how getting through to the right person can really help, isn't it? Empathy, understanding the other person's experience... why anyone would think this is why we need more women in parliament and the judiciary...

DontCallMePeanut Thu 21-Jul-11 16:27:05

I can never get my homemade iced coffees tasting right... If I did, Costas would go out of business! grin

Damn you femin... Oh... Wait...

Christ, DS has just seen the Morrisons leaflet, advertising their Disney promo... Trying my hardest to keep quiet about my plans for his birthday. Did I say Disney? I meant Feminist Boot Camp... Hoonest! (Is it concerning that his favourite characters are the villains?)

Exactly! I must admit the women in parliament wasn't my first thought, but yes! someone who understands what someone else is going through is more likely to champion their cause. He was also (luckily) very patient with the echo from DS, who was sat there with toy phone, pretending to talk to Student finance himself... grin


I kind of want to take my DS to Disneyland, when he's a bit older. Just for the experience. I know a LOT of people - three different couples among my close friends - who go there as adults regularly. Just as adults. One had her hen party there! And several had season tickets (eg lived nearby in California) and went regularly when dating and stuff.

It makes my mind boggle abit, but I wasn't raised very steeped in Disney. I asked my closest friend "why... why do adults go?" in a 'trying not to sound like you're mental' voice and she said "it's a place where nothing bad can happen. Seriously. It's a magical, always- happy place .And yes some of that is fake but mostly it's not. Everyone there is having a good time. And on Saturday afternoons I'd go to a place where everyone was happy for a few hours, and it makes me happy."

Fair enough, I thought. I mean, I don't get why anyone goes fishing. smile

DontCallMePeanut Thu 21-Jul-11 16:50:17

I don't understand fishing... Even less since watchiing the Little Mermaid grin I actually stopped eating fish after that film...

I'm a bit of a Disney Geek, although it amuses my friends as, being a feminist and a film student, I have a love-hate relationship with the damn thing... Apparently, my dissection of the Princess and the Frog when explaining it to my mother was quite amusing. But for me, it's mostly about the experience. For DS, he wants to see Minnie Mouse, and Jessie.If we met Jessie, I'd probably have to drag him away... grin

That said, out of the Disney Films he does like, they do tend to be the ones with slightly less misogyny than some of the older ones. I still haven't forgiven him for liking Beauty and The Beast though. Domestic Abuse minimising piece of shoite, that film is...

I quite like some disney too. I sort of need to switch off half my brain - but the music is good!

Oh! And Fentiman's pop is GREAT! Expensive habit, mind...

TotalChaos Thu 21-Jul-11 17:11:29

What is RoseLemonade? Is it lemonade with a rose petal flavouring /hopeful?

TheRealMBJ Thu 21-Jul-11 17:43:13

Mouseface sad for your DD. The absolute best thing about the last 3 years of pregnancy and breastfeeding for me has been the absolute lack of periods. Heaven. I couldn't work for the first 2 days of my cycle as I was doubled over in pain, and the worst thing was that very few people believed me. Most thought I was malingering. It is awful. Eventually I self regulated my cycle by skipping the placebos and having only 2 or 3 periods a year. It revolutionised my life.

blackcurrants my best friend worked at Disney for a year after she dropped out of Uni and she is full of enthusiasm for the place. It is a complete fantasy world apparently the attention to detail is phenomenal.

TheRealMBJ Thu 21-Jul-11 17:47:57

TC it is wonderful especially when pregnant and all the non-alcoholic offerings are so dull. It has Rose oil in it. Tastes a bit like Turkish delight in a bottle.

I'm amazed at the patience displayed in even posting on that thread. I read a bit and just couldn't think of anything more eloquent that oh fuck off

LilBB Thu 21-Jul-11 18:06:11

I want to go to Disney with DD!!! Ive been to Paris once the year it opened and I was 6. My sister had an annual pass when she live in Paris envy. I love how it makes you feel magical and I'm just so impressed by the costumes and the shows. The lengths they go to to keep the magic is amazing. I can't say I would want to be stuck in those big costumes all day though. I'd love to go when they have all the Xmas decorations up.

Yes the films are quite sexist, especially the older ones but at least they are a bit more innocent than a lot of the crap for kids.

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DontCallMePeanut Thu 21-Jul-11 19:21:03

SAF, I did wonder how many of us were single mums the other day. I was starting to think I was the only one grin

StayFrosty Thu 21-Jul-11 19:30:26

Dcmp, i have secret disney love too. Have you seen tangled? I quite liked it, i liked how they changed the focus to getting her back to her mum and dad, and i liked how at the end she looked really unprincessy, and i liked the horse. There's something anout how disney draw horses that cracks me up.

Dd's leaving party at nursery tomorrow, i am going to make a right show of myself come pick up time i can tell you.

DontCallMePeanut Thu 21-Jul-11 19:52:19

I thought Tangled was one of the more feminist ones out of the lot. Still a bit of misogyny, but it was a step in the right direction. We love Tangled in this household. This halloween, I'm dressing up as Mother Gothel, and DS wants to be Flynn Ryder. Or the Little Mermaid. grin Oooh, I liked Pascal! The little lizard...

You should have seen DS's face in Morrisons earlier... "Mummy, why's Buzz Likeyear (as he calls him) in Morrisons?" And then he saw every other character dotted round the shop. Took us twice as long as usual. And they were playing Under The Sea, so he started dancing and singing along in the middle of the milk aisle... blush

How come you think you're going to make a show of yourself? I'm sure you'll be fine!

Mouseface Thu 21-Jul-11 21:16:27

Evening all.

What a day!

Sorry, I need to down load. DD's period has not arrived, last night was the warm up. So, she is still in pain, fed up, weepy etc...... super tired and low.

Nemo had nits like you've never fucking seen in your life. I had one or two big ones, no eggs but huge beasties.

Shit like this always happens when DH is away and I need a hand wrestling with nit treatments.

One of my friends is knackered and unloaded on me earlier after I told her she was being odd. So she's okay now.

The great thing about today was DD has an EXCELLENT school report that has made me cry happy tears so I guess that should really cancel out the above.

Hello AuntiMonica smile

<hopes she has the right name [grin>

Right, I need to get Nemo upstairs now my pain meds have kicked in. Bad day in that department too.


Sorry for missing all your posts. blush

Be back tomorrow and I promise I'll catch up xx

DontCallMePeanut Thu 21-Jul-11 21:44:26

Hope you and DD feel better tomorrow, Mouseface. Nits are a PITA, aren't they? DS hasn't had them yet. Luckily.

AuntieMonica Thu 21-Jul-11 21:49:40

sleep well, Mouseface hope you're both on the up tomorrow.

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DontCallMePeanut Thu 21-Jul-11 22:55:27

We'd be invading the one in Paris. Hoopefully doing four nights, so we can visit Paris itself at some point. (Guess who wants to see La Lourve, the Eiffel Tower and L'Arc de Triumphe...) Oh, and reserving a character lunch for the day we arrive.

Being an insomniac, I might utilise the nap idea, myself... grin

UMS, do you know if you can order a birthday cake if it's just close to their birthday, not on their birthday?

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Hello all of you; I currently reading the threads being linked in bemused fascination.
I hope your DD (and you) feel better tomorrow. Periods pains make life a misery. I went on the pill to get rid of mine as an adolescent. Now post DC and considering returning because of the same.

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LilBB Fri 22-Jul-11 07:47:46

Oh I'm having Disney envy. I really wanted to take DD for her 3rd birthday but I will be 7 months pregnant then so maybe next year.

I have to go in to work today before I go back Monday. I hope the motorway is quiet mid morning and I miss the mad descent to the lakes. I haven't been for 8 weeks so having a bit of traffic fear!!

DontCallMePeanut Fri 22-Jul-11 11:27:14

Eating Lobster at Disneyland is a bit sadistic, isn't it? Especially as DS loves Sebastian from the Little Mermaid... He'd burst into tears and label me a "murderer" [grin

How far along are you now, Lil? Hope the motorway wasn't too mad.

LilBB Fri 22-Jul-11 11:34:49

I'm 14 weeks now. Motorway wasn't too bad but I could see it starting to build up on my way home. Lots of coaches and caravans.

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Mouseface Fri 22-Jul-11 12:00:55

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!! Goody!! A Feminist Thread baby grin

Awww, I am uber broody Lil, my SIL is expecting too. smile Hope you are okay and not sickly with it? x

Afternoon all smile

DontCallMePeanut Fri 22-Jul-11 12:09:50

Ahh, have you told DD yet,Lil? smile

Ooh, Home on the Range and Chicken Licken don't count... ;) The Little Mermaid is, on the other hand, a classic (and what put me off fish) grin

LilBB Fri 22-Jul-11 12:26:26

Yes DD knows and she seems to understand quite well. She keeps asking if the baby is grown yet, talks to and kisses my belly, apparently the baby has bitten her a few times. She also pretends to carry the baby from my belly and put it in the bath or to bed.

I've never tried lobster, I had crab once (proper crab not those stick things) but I'm a bit put off by the animal I'm eating being on my plate. I can't eat fish if it's still got it's head on. I'm not sure I could cope with a hog roast. If we are going to put off food by films it would be pork by babe. Peppa pig makes me want to eat more!! Ha ha

Mouseface Fri 22-Jul-11 13:13:58

Oh how lovely Lil - your DD is uber cute x

eeee baby! congratulations, LilBB smile

[broody broody broody broody]

it's something to do with DS almost walking and having all those teeth and being so grown up ... I think I'm only having two but I'm starting to want that other one pretty soon. Can't try for a year, mind. MUST get PhD out of the way first. And I couldn't face being pg and breastfeeding, so in a year would be better. But my baby is 1 in a week! my bayyybeee boyyyyy!

[broody broody broody] Gosh, it's a shame us feminists are such family-destroying, man-hating, baby-eating monsters isn't it? wink

TheRealMBJ Fri 22-Jul-11 16:40:44

Oh congratulations LiBB How exciting. smile Your DD sounds lovely.How old is she?

I was going to wait 3 years between DC but when DS got to around a year I couldn't contain myself grin. I love being pregnant too makes me feel quite powerful in a 'cosmic spiritual' way. Which is nothing like me normally.

DontCallMePeanut Fri 22-Jul-11 17:26:05

Am I the only one who's set on jjust one DC? probably more to do with issues, etc

So, how's everyone in the So-Called-Feminists-Club today? grin

Lil, your DD sounds adorable!

Also can't eat anything that comes complete with a head... Urgh...

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DontCallMePeanut Fri 22-Jul-11 17:54:48

Iris Dement? confused

Ewww, Jellyfish are weird. Prawns are acceptable, sans heads.

TotalChaos Fri 22-Jul-11 18:21:38

thanks for the info on the Lemonade, sounds lush.

Don'tCMP - we are also sticking at one for an assortment of reasons.

LilBB Fri 22-Jul-11 18:22:58

Can you eat jellyfish? Prawns are ok mushed in toast at a Thai restaurant.

She's 2.9 so will be 3.3 when baby arrives. I thought this was a good gap as she is quite independent but still at home. Didn't want her to still be a baby bit didn't want her at school either. Definitely stopping at 2, couldn't cope with a third pregnancy. I don't think my body likes being pregnant.

DontCallMePeanut Fri 22-Jul-11 18:29:13

I was huge when I was pregnant (DS was 10lb 3). Went out to the parents (Cyprus) at 6 months gone, and people thought I was due any day then. Aren't subsequent DC supposed to be bigger? confused But yeah. My body didn't like being pregnant, either.

I don't know, not sure I';d want to try jellyfish anyway... Closest we got was through mum's friend having a fish shaped jelly mould grin

SoCalledFeminist Fri 22-Jul-11 22:34:33

congratulations libb smile

another one really wanting another baby but scared too.

ds had a cleaning frenzy earlier. tomorrow i'm going to resist the urge to kick him out from under my feet and let him join in with some proper cleaning and may come up with some regular little jobs he can do. so far it's only bringing plates through and fetching his night time nappy and helping tidy up but i think i should harness this keeness - reckon he could clean the cupboard doors whilst i do the kitchen or something.

off to bed shortly with a very sore tummy.

SoCalledFeminist Fri 22-Jul-11 22:36:12

DCMP - i was settled on only one too but then decided my ishoos (and everybody else's ishoos) could go fuck themselves. now i'm trying to grow the backbone to stick with that conviction.

oh and this is SAF btw for those who weren't on the HH thread.

DontCallMePeanut Fri 22-Jul-11 22:53:49

How old is he, SCF?

I''ve settled down to watch Enchanted... LOVE this film. It's just such a pisstake of everything about Disney! And after a certain point, not too misogynistic. smile

SoCalledFeminist Fri 22-Jul-11 22:58:54

he's 4. i sound like i'm sending him up chimneys don't i? grin

it's just that i find it easier to get on and do things myself and am inclined to do things that way in life but i don't want him to miss out on learning to do things because of that so am trying to lean the other way and let him get actively involved.

DontCallMePeanut Fri 22-Jul-11 23:00:53

Haha, not much older than mine!

I asked DS to put his ball in the dining room earlier (next to the toy box). I found it in the cupboard where I keep the baking trays... hmm

SoCalledFeminist Fri 22-Jul-11 23:30:19

he's a total mess maker don't be under any illusions - he's just at the stage where actual cleaning sounds fun and important. keeping his own stuff tidy is just dull.

DontCallMePeanut Fri 22-Jul-11 23:44:36

Mine likes helping me make notes for coursework. I found scribbles over my notes on globalisation the other day. Which I blardy well need... hmm

Ooh, DS tidies up ever so nicely at nursery. Can't fault him. At home? tidies up then empties everything again...

just did bedtime all by my self. DS is almost impossible to bathe and dress at the moment, as he never.stops.moving.
Bless'im. Three stories and he was out like a light.
DH is out so I'm going to watch crap telly and read blogs. Now, if only we had wine in the house...

Heh, to think this would become my idea of a perfect night - home alone drinking fizzy ribena and watching tv!

He also likes to empty any cupboard or drawer he can get open. I long for the days when he'll put things away. How long should I expect to wait?

BingBongSong Sat 23-Jul-11 00:44:07

Checking in smile.

How about Mulan for a good Disney heroine? We love her in our house.

Am about halfway through the HH thread - it beggars belief - some of those posters are on the wind-up, surely?

Only ever had Fentimann's root beer, curiosity cola and dandilion and burdock. The rose lemonade sounds lush though - where can I get some?

DontCallMePeanut Sat 23-Jul-11 01:14:48

Blackcurrants, around about age 60, maybe 70 if you're lucky...

Mulan was an excellent Disney heroine! grin But DS isn't too keen on the film. I think the Hun's scare him.

Ironically, the wosd hun scares nme.

The HH thread... Bah. Just agree with SCF, SAF, SGM, erm... oh, everyone who agrees with DCMP. That Peanut lass is always right. Always.

TheRealMBJ Sat 23-Jul-11 07:12:29


I can't wait for DS to actually be effectively helping round the house. So far all he can really reliably do is bring me my towel when getting out of the bath.

But he loves 'cleaning'. Always gets his toy Hoover out when I'm vacuuming, loves wiping surfaces and having a go with his mini-dustpan and brush. He loves 'cooking' too, particularly potatoes that he gets out of the veg drawer and puts in a little pot he's taken out of the kitchen cupboard. It's very sweet really.

BingBong I get sone Rose Lemonade on my rare trips to Waitrose but you can get it online from here or of course Ocado.

SoCalledFeminist Sat 23-Jul-11 09:03:53

bearing in mind that SAF and SCF are the same person peanut.

should change my name back really.

does sound sweet realmbj smile

happy weekend fellow SCFs.

DontCallMePeanut Sat 23-Jul-11 10:43:55

For GAWD'S sake...

Been a bit wobbly the past couple of days. Now watching the Princess and the Frog, and burst into tears when she got the money for the restaurant, because I know it's not enough, gets sold to a man instead and yada yada... Won't spoil the end... But chriiiiist...

No, not pregnant, and not PMT-ing...

Someone slap me? Please?

How is everyone, anyway?

SoCalledFeminist Sat 23-Jul-11 11:30:23

don't hold it in numpty. getting it out over a film in a purging way is GOOD. it's a nice, safe way to release emotion. so no, no slap. will hand you some tissues and a cushion to cuddle instead.

SoCalledFeminist Sat 23-Jul-11 11:32:34

for what it's worth i wept and wept over tim burton's alice. her forgetting of herself, her being so out of touch with her younger, stronger, believing self, her having been worn down and made smaller by the years, the gap between what she was and what society had made of her - that stuff about her being much less than she had been. it killed me - i was shocked at how deeply it hurt me. it was a bizarre experience sat in the cinema.

SoCalledFeminist Sat 23-Jul-11 11:33:34

oh and her having to walk away from the hatter because that was the way her path led - been there. resisting courage and the fullness of what you are because you know how much it is going to cost you.

god that film gave me a kicking grin

TheRealMBJ Sat 23-Jul-11 11:36:08

Oh, I haven't seen it.

<notes Alice down on long list of must sees>

SoCalledFeminist Sat 23-Jul-11 11:45:32

i don't know that anyone else would see it like i did or if i was going through stuff emotionally that made me seek out those metaphors. that's what is nice about a good story (one really rich in metaphors imo) though - you can take what you need from it and it will mean something different to everyone.

what else is on that list realmbj? i could do with some good viewing.

DontCallMePeanut Sat 23-Jul-11 12:06:35

Haha! Ahh, I did Alice as an essay last year at uni, about how feminist it was or wasn't.

Have either of you seen Waitress? It's not so much feminist, but deals with domestic violence quite well. But at the same time, it's quite an amusing little film in places.

TheRealMBJ Sat 23-Jul-11 12:31:15

What are you studying DCMP?

TBH, I don't really have a list blush. I hardly every watch any TV or film as I go to bed so early and get up early and generally prefer to do other things. I do enjoy watching something good though.

For my birthday DH took me to see Oranges and Sunshine which broke my heart. I had read Margaret Humphrey's book about child migration years ago when still at Uni and it enraged me, but I was 9 weeks pregnant watching it this time around and I cried from the first 5 minutes all the way through. Proper sobbing.

What struck me was the complete disregard not only for the children's but for their mother's rights. angry

At one point there is a scene where the 40ish old man walks on the beach and says in his Australian accent 'There is a hoke in me only my mother can fill' sadsadsad

TheRealMBJ Sat 23-Jul-11 12:31:27


DontCallMePeanut Sat 23-Jul-11 12:40:17

I'm studying Film and English Lit, MBJ. Makes for an interesting course, and introduced me to a few amazing films.

It (1927, directed by Clarence Badger and Starring Clara Bow) is worth a watch. Was one of those films that riled me, because it showed 1920's attitudes to women, work and single mothers. But it's still an amazing film.

DCMP: totally valid place to cry at that film. I am sobbing at everything at the moment that involves fathers being separated from their babies, cos DH is having such a great time being primary carer for DS this summer, but we're going to spend 3 weeks of August away from him.

not pg, no PMT here, just more emotionally labile since I had a baby. And I'm ok with that, since I'm stronger in pretty much every regard, I'm probably stronger in-touch with my feelings and my expressions of them, too!

mumwithdice Sun 24-Jul-11 11:17:21

May I jump in with a switch of topic here?

This has probably been done to death but I've just read Delusions of Gender and I didn't like it much. I don't disagree with her; as it happens, she's right. But she put me off when she had a pop at geeky culture.

As a geek myself (my name refers to the dice in RPGs, not casinos), I was quite cross that she seems to think all women would be intimidated by Star Trek posters. Isn't that gender stereotyping of another sort?

With further reference to my own experience, once you get into it, geeky culture is quite welcoming to women. But I think there's a holdover idea among both men and women that to be a geek is to be unfeminine. What do you all think? Or would this be better off as another thread?

Sorry, just rambling. Hope that's okay.

TheRealMBJ Sun 24-Jul-11 11:38:14

I haven't read Delusions but tend towards geekiness too. I'm certainly not a Trekkie but love Star Trek and SciFi, so would probably feel much like you do.

It is a different type of gender stereotyping to say that women would be intimidated and as it happens I think that Star Trek's female characters are actually quite strong, independent women. Not reliant on a man to save them or always interested in romance.

mumwithdice Sun 24-Jul-11 12:11:10

Plus they feature a single mum in a high position: Dr. Beverly Crusher. Chief Medical Officer of the flagship

Empusa Sun 24-Jul-11 13:11:12

"It is a different type of gender stereotyping to say that women would be intimidated and as it happens I think that Star Trek's female characters are actually quite strong, independent women. "

Having got into Star Trek quite recently I'm impressed by how balanced it is. I think it's one of the best programmes for showing women as equals.

TheRealMBJ Sun 24-Jul-11 16:08:23

Just a quick interjection. I tried this at MIL's today. De-licious!

SoCalledFeminist Sun 24-Jul-11 16:30:07

i've cried three times today - twice at poetry and once at a film. unusual.

StewieGriffinsMom Sun 24-Jul-11 17:57:26

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StewieGriffinsMom Sun 24-Jul-11 18:11:05

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I'm a big nerdy geek and in some ways the geek community is a great place to be female. In others, though, it's toxic. "Geek" covers a broad spectrum of interests, of course, but you just need to look at Fat, Ugly or Slutty to see what female gamers have to deal with.

StayFrosty Sun 24-Jul-11 21:28:47

Evening ladies. May i call you ladies? grin

I have had the dcs here there and everywhere this weekend at a free city wide music festival. It has been ace but i am knackered. I had to lol to myself at one point because ds did a beast of a poo (you know when toddlers are teething? That) while we were watching a band, we were sat on a picnic mat wih a really good vantage point, and obviously there were no baby hanging facilities anyway, so i got my folding changemat out and just changed him, there was this young hipster guy nearby who i thought was just going to DIE. And i thought 'omg i would get such a kicking on aibu for this' grin

Scf do you think you could be feeling more emotionally delicate cos of september? I have been in a weird mood since last week, dd leaving preschool has really got to me. Somehow everything kinda sad got amalgamated in my dreams last night, because i recall seeing dd's new reception teacher, except she had all amy winehouse's tattoos.

SoCalledFeminist Mon 25-Jul-11 01:34:14

interesting dream SF. i don't know. my day started with the amy winehouse news though and watching a load of stuff about that - forgot about that so maybe that was part of it.

i'd have given you yadnbu for the nappy change btw grin

mumwithdice Mon 25-Jul-11 08:51:21

blackcurrants fair point. It was DH who helped me to feel all right with being an outrageous geek and my RPG experiences (D&D 3.5 for anyone who is interested) were with his friends who are now my friends as well so that is a self-selecting welcoming crowd.

TotalChaos Mon 25-Jul-11 09:42:41

I'm a bit of a geek lite - dabble in anime/console games etc, and in my uni days used to trot along with a pal who was more into it to things like Arthurian society/Douglas Adams society. So I'ld tend to have friends who were really into it. At a distance from geek culture, in some ways it's great, as it tends to reject the conventional pressures re:fashion/clothing/make up/designer items/brands etc. But in other ways, when you see yet another anime character with ridiculously big boobs hmm...

mumwithdice Mon 25-Jul-11 10:16:12

True, it is a spectrum. But a good geek can recognise why that's wrong if you phrase it in the right terms. DH and I now both get annoyed at the bare midriff fantasy armour. We keep thinking that most warrior women would know that a bare midriff is REALLY stupid. Actually, I'm now tempted to go around drawing in armour on the bare midriffs.

TheHoneyBadger Mon 25-Jul-11 12:14:10

SAF with another namechange here. i rather like this one given the youtube video someone linked to on the boards yesterday.

reposting it here in case anyone missed it: www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UdpjFc9SCc

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TheRealMBJ Mon 25-Jul-11 16:26:41

Did anyone else here Nawaal El Sadawi on Women's Hour this morning.

'All women are circumcised to fit into a patriarchal monogamous society. They circumcise our brains'


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TheRealMBJ Mon 25-Jul-11 16:28:35

'we have to attenuate their sexuality, their creativity...' powerful stuff.

TheRealMBJ Mon 25-Jul-11 16:29:45

I'm listening to it on the iPlayer.

It wasn't me who linked to the poem, but use it does sound reminiscent.

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TotalChaos Mon 25-Jul-11 19:08:43

I wonder if your point re:situational PND could be extended to be more of a capitalist patriarchy point than a feminist point - in the sense that if someone is suffering work place stress, it seems to be far more acceptable to go off to GP and get some ADs and suffer quietly than actually tackle the source of the stress, whether it's colleagues' behaviour, unrealistic targets, inadequate training, or that good old chestnut in my former profession, that only "resilient" people are suitable anyway...

Hello everyone.
I really, really like this thread. It's like a cheerful, friendly room I can pop into at any time and find an interesting conversation.

You're smashing, you lot. smile

[brief love-in emoticon]

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TheRealMBJ Mon 25-Jul-11 20:16:11

About the name thing, sAf, I think it is terribly sad that our mother's names aren't remembered. Or that family trees don't follow maternal lines, after all, in most cases it is the only parent you can 'really' be sure of biologically speaking.

oh, the name thing is so hard. My last name is actually a boy's name (like, I'm Blackcurrants Dennis) and so it's DS's second name. He has DH's last name (last of his tribe, etc - there are lots of my tribe), but in the future if he wants to, he can double- barrel OR he can call it a middle name.

If he'd been a DD, though - I might have STILL given her my name.... Rebecca Dennis Superstar.... cos I want my name in there, damnit. I made her! But I'm not sure if that'll work. Mind you, I'm not sure I'll have to deal with it, so...

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vezzie Tue 26-Jul-11 13:49:01

Hello! I haven't been around and don't know why Dittany has disappeared. Hope she is well. I miss her. Struggling with a v. unhelpful interior monologue at my parents' at the moment. Nice to look in and see you all. Hope you're all well. Wondering how to pass confidence and security onto my daughters when I lack these things. Wondering if there is anything I can do about my relationship with my mother. Wondering if there is any sort of help for me with all the things I am bad at. I want my girls to be happier than me and i'm messing it up already. Sorry to ramble. There is a tenuous feminist connection. Honestly.

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vezzie Tue 26-Jul-11 14:05:16

I think dd1 in particular is aware that I am not happy. She is 27 months. I am afraid she worries about why and it affects her confidence. She sometimes says Mummy happy! In the same trying-it-on voice she uses when saying Dd1's! about things she knows aren't hers. It's devastating. If that book is good I will give it a go, thanks. I don't have a great record of success with books tho. I mean they can make great sense to me without changing me.

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vezzie Tue 26-Jul-11 14:53:42

Thanks, SAF. It's a bit frightening because I do assume - not consciously -that denying negative feelings is best. Time to think again. Hope you are well now?

vezzie I know what you mean about thinking you have to hide negative feelings. My family absolutely did that when I was a child, to the extent that I remember with absolute shock seeing my mother cry the day my grandfather died... It wasn't a bad feeling, I remember the three of us kids flocking to hug her as she knelt and cried, but it was a "oh, so grown ups can feel sad too!'' revelation.
I'm going to try to show DS how I really feel, but I do worry about scaring him. What you say about being 'real' saf is very helpful. I worry that I minimize his feelings. He's always falling over atm and my own mum would pick us up with "you're alright. You're alright, you're alright" repeated until the child believed it. I don't want to say that exactly, because I remember as an older child thinking "no I'm not alright yet. But I must hide that feeling because Mum wants me to be alright." I say "Oh dear, poor boy, oh dear, oh dear..." and then show him something shiny to cheer him up. I'm probably still getting it wrong but I am trying hard not to tell him that his feelings aren't valid and real to him.

... sorry, rambling here! I think the 'brave face' is overrated. I'm not one for wallowing, but I think we need and deserve to feel our feelings, as a first step to tackling them, if you see what I mean.

vezzie Tue 26-Jul-11 17:11:02

Thanks blackcurrants. I think there is a real lack of authenticity in my mother's dealings with emotional matters but I know she always did her very best by us all and would not see it that way at all - rather, being positive. However I find her way unhelpful. I realise it is not helping yourself to think things like: I am finding this so hard, I must be rubbish. But replacing the thought with: this is easy and I am enjoying it really, is not helpful if not true. I am now aiming for: yes this is hard and I am doing it so I am a hero. Trying to find ways of responding to dd's feelings which acknowledge when she is hurt without glamorising hurt either. But very surprised to find how easy it is to do what your mother did, thinking it must be right...

Mouseface Tue 26-Jul-11 20:52:41

Popping in to say hello smile

Still here and reading. Sorry to those who are struggling in life at the moment. xx

<wonders if we 'do' kisses here> grin

TheRealMBJ Tue 26-Jul-11 21:04:18

Hi all.

Sorry you're struggling vezzie

I just watched Panorama on iPlayer and am struck at how lucky we were that nothing untoward happened to me or DS. Had woefully inadequate care. Also, jusyt another way in which women's safety is disregarded. sad

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OK so I am going to have a small inconsequential rant at an insignificant bit of sexism.

The sport I have been heavily involved in for about 25 years has it's annual World Championships at the end of August. At a press day last week the athletes who were going were announced to the sports journalists present and plenty of photos were taken. The governing body has now released 71 photos from that day - the breakdown of which follows:

37 contain only men
8 contain only women
21 contain both men and women
5 are indistinct or don't contain any people at all (arty shots!)

So out of the squad picked, 32 are men and 25 are women (and that is a whole other rant about less events for women than men) plus about 11 (all male) coaches. Not really representative is it? And I do remember someone arguing on the women's football thread a bit ago that sport wasn't patriarchal hmm.

It's a bit like the "male gaze" in reverse when it comes to sport.

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TheRealMBJ Wed 27-Jul-11 19:19:44

Evening all. Just a quick moan really, am feeling very sorry for myself as I slipped and fell down the stairs today. My back is really, really sore and my bum is bruised. Quite shaken-up by the whole episode as I can't stop thinking about what might have happened had I been carrying DS or fallen on my bump. sad

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Ooh MBJ that sounds painful and scary! Hope you are OK. Bumps and babies are amazingly resilient though, so don't worry!

TheRealMBJ Wed 27-Jul-11 20:29:04

I'm fine really. Just in pain sad

mskatemc Wed 27-Jul-11 21:53:00

Just joined Mumsnet and now I find there are feminists here? This is the best day ever!

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mskatemc Wed 27-Jul-11 22:03:36

It is - I've just started trying to conceive at 35 and it's nice to know mumming and feministing are compatible. Or at least there's a place to talk about things when they're not.

Having just read the end of this thread, I realised it had taken a more serious note, sorry for brightly crashing in.

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TheRealMBJ Wed 27-Jul-11 22:19:27

Hi msk

I like this thread cause you know you are posting in a 'like-minded' environment, and you don't always feel like debating stuff.

The board is good for debates and wider points of view (if you can stomach the trolling)

TheRealMBJ Wed 27-Jul-11 22:20:43

Or I should have said fiercely defending the basic underlying premise of your post as happens on most other threads. Noticeably the FGM one today sad

mskatemc Wed 27-Jul-11 22:28:39

Yes, I get enough trolling in real life...

Most of my friends aren't interested but are faintly amused by my buying their children yellow outfits and improvising non-sexist/stereotyping adaptations of their bedtime stories. Can't wait to see what'll happen when I have one of my own, I expect it'll be pink frills and Barbie or blue trousers and fire engines...

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Mouseface Thu 28-Jul-11 13:16:39

Saf - can you sneak round late at night and fix it? He's never going to fix it is he? This has been going on ages miserable old git.

Of course your dad/DH/DP should be fixing it for you, silly little woman! hmm

vezzie Thu 28-Jul-11 13:49:24

Therealmbj - how is your back today? SAF - well done on sticking to your guns with the neighbour. It astonishes me sometimes how men of a certain age who surely think of themselves as having perfect manners can be so entitled in conversation. It's hard to know how or whether to challenge it. I often wimp out these days. Once I was more inclined to take there things on... Feeling bad about taking a less confrontational path through life these days, for the weak reasons that a. I could get away with more when I was young and pretty and b. Even still the material penalties of noncompliance were very high and I got tired and broke.

vezzie Thu 28-Jul-11 13:55:29

Hi mskate, nice to meet you. Hope all goes well on the ttc. And that you have fun on the way ;)

Mouseface Thu 28-Jul-11 14:05:48

Hello Mskate smile

I'm uber broody so talk of ttc/babies is fab! Keep it up.

TheRealMBJ Thu 28-Jul-11 15:36:15

Thanks for asking vezzie. I'm better but still sore. Am doing very little today to try to rest it. Am spending most of the day sitting in the sunshine at MILs house while she does some toddler chasing.

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DontCallMePeanut Thu 28-Jul-11 18:11:46

Welcome, MsKate! smile

How is everyone? I'm in the mood from hell, so best avoid most threads in here today... grin

LilBB Thu 28-Jul-11 19:10:28

Phew first week back from sickness is over!!! I am shattered.

Mouseface Thu 28-Jul-11 21:16:36

Awwww, hope you're okay LilBB xx

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Hello everyone - hope you're having a good Friday (when you read this).
It was DS's first birthday today, we had a 'low key' get together in the park (cake, bubble machine, balloons, five of his toddler mates and their mums) ... and of course we over-did it and are both exhausted. But it was ace! And DS demolished a slice of cake after his tea today and was covered in icing and adorable. So yeah, am knackered.

Sorry to hear about your various bumps and bruises, here. How are things today?

Oh congratulations blackcurrants sounds like you had a lovely day. Nice quiet day tomorrow is it? smile

LilBB - hope your sickness is dying down now.

DCMP - hope your mood is better this morning

MBJ - hope you are recovering.

LilBB Fri 29-Jul-11 12:47:00

I'm much better now thanks to anti sickness tablets.

Blackcurrants that sounds like a lovely day!!

It was really fun, and overcast so not too hot. I think he's still a bit tired today, long morning nap which we both needed so I could read lots of MN do a bit of tidying.

TheRealMBJ Sat 30-Jul-11 22:39:44

Hi there. Just checking in. Back much better although it did go into a bit of a spasm this evening when we got home from DH's company's family day. Ut was quite a lot of fun. dS loved the bouncy castle and the play park and ate a diet consisting largely of ice-cream and cake blush

DH is sleeping next door tonight as beer makes him snore and then I can't sleep.

Hi all. I have a bit of I dilemma. I know what I should do but actually being that cold-hearted is a problem for me.

I have an ex who (mistakenly, in hindsight) I have kept in touch with. In the past couple of years I have reduced my contact with him dramatically because he is one of these people who you give an inch and he'll take a mile i.e. he isn't satisfied with an e-mail or a phone call, he'll want to meet and then proposition and then get in a huff and not speak for months because you say no. This has been a cycle I have finally managed to break and recognised it for what it is, rather than trying to maintain some kind of friendship for some reason (certainly not my benefit).

Anyway after about a year of no contact he has predictably e-mailed me to say that his mother is dying. The compassionate side of me wants to e-mail back offering condolences as you would to a normal person/friend. However, my head is screaming at me "don't do it" as I know that this will then prompt a phone call and then a series of phone calls and then he'll pester for a meeting etc.

So should I just ignore the e-mail or should I reply with something perfunctory but polite? This goes back to the thread that SGB recently started about men not taking no for an answer unless you say you are in a relationship (although in this case he also ignores the fact I have a husband and child *because of his sense of entitlement*).

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Yep SAF I think I'll do that. I have not always, in the past been assertive enough. However, I feel in a more secure place now as I know it is his problem rather than my problem in communicating IYSWIM. I feel less inclined to spare his feelings (finally!!).

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StewieGriffinsMom Tue 02-Aug-11 14:15:24

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HDSG I second SAF's approach. That way you can extend your sympathies while outlining just exactly why you're never going to respond to another one of his emails. AND if he sends you back a 'waah I can't believe you'd saaaayyy that' response, bin it at once and never look back.

StewieGriffinsMom Tue 02-Aug-11 14:52:14

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Handdived: I would take the advice given. However it were me I would send the advised text via post in a condolence card and a note saying that you have changed your email address and that most likely in future you won't be checking your old one. Obviously don't put your postal address on the envelope or anything. Thus if he continues to email despite your petition he does otherwise you can delete without reading them or -better still- put his address on your blocked list.
This way you won't have to face this dilemma again.

If you don't have his postal address you can say the same via email, but in that case I do strongly advice putting him on the blocked list, because in my experience he will reply.

TheRealMBJ Tue 02-Aug-11 18:05:08

Hi all.

Welcome back SGM. How is your little nephew?

HDS I second the putting him on a blocked list, unless you are very sure of your own strength of will. I can bet he will reply even though you've expressly asked him not too.

DontCallMePeanut Wed 03-Aug-11 04:44:48

whew. Sorry, been away for a while. (icky head). Anyway, how is everyone? (will go back and catch up on the thread later)

PenguinArmy Wed 03-Aug-11 05:13:36

ditto to peanut's post grin except I've been travelling

I have no excuse for my absence apart from the fact that my PFB is almost, almost walking and compensates for this amazing development by clinging to me like a monkey and wailing if he doesn't get my full attention. Oh, and waking up in the night and Not. Going. Back. To. Sleep.

only woke once last night, though, and went back down lovely after a feed - so here's hoping we've put this mental week behind us.

Yesterday DH took him out to a lunch date with 2 of his work mates (also teachers) and he was divine, apparently - eating lots of chips from everyone's plates (ahem) and smiling and playing serenely. I mention this not to big up my son (who has been aforementioned clingy monster all week) but because when DH got back I thought "I can't remember ANY time I spent with my Dad, just my Dad, as a kid." My Dad's a traditional farmer bloke, and while he loves babies, mum said he never got up in the night, not once.d I sort of remember playing with him, but the idea of him taking us out with work colleages at 1 year old for a couple of hours... well I don't think he ever changed a nappy! And at times I was quite afraid of him- he was very shouty and lost his rag easily.

So, long story short, I am pleased we're doing things differently. Not least because of how much DS and DH are devoted to each other already. DH is a very different man to my Dad, and I am so pleased that we've got a different dynamic going on...
sorry, very self-indulgent musing. It's been on my mind a lot.

And it gives me time to MN to work, too. grin

DontCallMePeanut Wed 03-Aug-11 12:55:42

Awwwww, blackcurrants, that sounds lovely...

Would he mind taking my DS off my hands for half an hour too, please? Might have to stick Tangled on while I revise...

Oooh, Student Finance STILL haven't sorted out my account, ffs... hmm I'm getting told something different every time I speak to someone.

vezzie Wed 03-Aug-11 13:22:03

Blackcurrants - how lovely! It's a lovely age.
We're doing things differently too. It's nice to be able to think about how you want to do things and not just be in the family you are born into, like when you are a child. Of course our kids will say the same thing when they are free to make their own rules - and good luck to them!

PenguinArmy Wed 03-Aug-11 14:42:25

blackcurrants that does sound lovely
DH goes back to work next week so I'm naturally putting up with a slighty grumpy him, we're hoping he'll be a SAHD in a year again. His parents were rather cat bums face when he first started but they came round. DD has been eating a lot of chips lately as well blushgrin road trip wasn't the best thing for her diet. We only got one bad comment about that fact I'm quite obviously pg, have 17 month DD and were on the road for 26 days.

I'm also doing things quite differently from my mum but then there was no way to do the same.

Empusa Wed 03-Aug-11 15:38:34

I just need to say. I am SO sorry I ever thought of this board as bitchy and nasty. Seeing some of the idiotic responses you get in here, I now totally understand the anger!

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DontCallMePeanut Wed 03-Aug-11 15:47:16

Empusa, I think a lot of us had moments like that before becoming converts.

don't tell anyone, but this is my favourite part of Mumsnet

Empusa Wed 03-Aug-11 15:48:47

I don't think it's mine.. little too frustrating! Makes AIBU seem calm!

DontCallMePeanut Wed 03-Aug-11 15:51:22

Just makes 90% of AIBU seem irrational to me wink

Hi Empusa. How right you are about the frustration!

TheRealMBJ Wed 03-Aug-11 16:26:07

Wow. I've just perused SGB's thread and... Aaaaargh!

PenguinArmy Wed 03-Aug-11 19:57:05

<ponders whether to look over in AIBU>

I gave up the other day when I read that crazy laundry thread. The judginess was unbelievable. I ended up deleting what I typed as i normally do

We did 26 days travelling around western USA before we emigrated back here. She did great but we largely had a routine. She did sleep less but was less grumpy than normal as she was distracted.

PatRiarchy Thu 04-Aug-11 04:15:51

Feminists want equality do they. News to me. When are feminists going to campaign to get females equal to men in the choice to be a parent or not stakes? Currently if a couple have consensual unprotected sex and a pregnancy develops then she has choices and he has none. Apparently, according to feminists, a man's only option is to abstain from sex. Hence a female's only option is to abstain from sex. So I take it that feminists will be campaigning to have abortion made illegal again and adoption nullified. OR to have it legislated that if a man doesn't want to be a parent he can just say so and she is on her own. After all, we know that A Woman Needs a Man Like a Fish Needs a Bicycle and also "Not only do children not need a father , they are better off without one."

PenguinArmy Thu 04-Aug-11 05:50:06


TheRealMBJ Thu 04-Aug-11 06:02:54

It is very early, isn't it Penguin? What are you doing up?

I am very impressed with your 26 day trip. Wow. I don't know if I'd be up for it, tbh. Seems like a brave thing to do.

The laundry thread was unbelievable. I stopped reading when they started talking about doing 'orange' or 'red' washes. Madness (IMHO grin).

We were exposed to chicken pox on Tuesday sad which has thrown me a bit. Am feeling better about it today. Had to push to have the immunity testing as the midwife refused to believe that it is possible to have had CP and not be immune, which is uncommon I know, but immunity is not necessarily conferred by having been infected, and I'd rather be safe than sorry.

Oh, well, hope everyone has a good Thursday smile

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Thu 04-Aug-11 06:10:52

What about SGB's thread, MBJ?

I loved the laundry thread. I thought she was really funny. Obviously mad, but nowt wrong with that.

blackcurrants, I can't believe that your son is ONE. I could've sworn he was born, like, two months ago.

TheRealMBJ Thu 04-Aug-11 06:14:48

Just the sheer pig-headed refusal to accept that it is inappropriate to force one's company on another human being.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Thu 04-Aug-11 06:18:24

Oh! I thought we were talking about a different thread, the decluttering one. Which seemed fairly inoffensive. That makes sense now.

PenguinArmy Thu 04-Aug-11 06:21:43

The laundry thread turned OK, but those first few pages shock. I thought it was myth that people judged you on the state of some clothes but there seemed to be a few there. I'm prob just blush for myself grin

Still jet lagged here so my sleep is weird. Doesn't help that DD wakes for a bit and by the time she's back off I'm wide awake and my parents have the hottest house ever so I can't ever sleep in.

MBJ That's understandable sad I was angry enough at my DB bringing round his DD (13 months) with H,FnM. We'd only been here a few hours and are probably going to get ill anyway.

Whats the SGB thread?

PenguinArmy Thu 04-Aug-11 06:22:14

oh the yawn was at the boring poster, I should be tired though

TheRealMBJ Thu 04-Aug-11 06:25:33

I know PA wink

PenguinArmy Thu 04-Aug-11 07:23:20

my apologies

TheRealMBJ Thu 04-Aug-11 08:11:33

Oh, don't apologise!

Yes, these littering thread went ok, I thought.

TheRealMBJ Thu 04-Aug-11 08:12:11

Littering?!? Damn auto-correct grin Decluttering.

Empusa Thu 04-Aug-11 11:13:03

I really should walk away from SGB's thread, but the utter stupidity is annoying me.

Anyone got a spare punch bag?

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StewieGriffinsMom Thu 04-Aug-11 11:47:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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StewieGriffinsMom Thu 04-Aug-11 11:53:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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Oh well done to your hardworking and clever daughter, SGM How fantastic! grin

And yes, how on the dear earth my baby is one- I have no idea. Wasn't I just posting on here while pregnant and grumpy?

I just made banana and strawberry muffins while DS was napping. OHMYGOD. Am considering making more coffee just so I can have a cup with another one.

ALSO! if we're bragging, monsterchild only woke ONCE last night,(around 1.30am) and then slept till 6.30 this morning, which feels pretty amazing. Uh. I don't have a way to make the feminist implications of that clear without writing a monster thread, but suffice to say I'm nursing and it's me wot gets up in the night*, so his sleep matters to my sleep and therefore matters a great deal!

*I receive compensatory lie-ins and other such, as DH is not a "what work?" patriarchal toe-rag

Also, PA I am dead impressed by your travelathon. I know what you mean about the not-enough-naps but distracted and therefore not too grumpy state, too. I'm hoping that I can achieve that when I fly transatlantic, just me and DS, next well.

DontCallMePeanut Thu 04-Aug-11 20:06:16

It looks like I'm going to have to drop out of uni. sad I'm actually devastated about this, and so much of it falls to money problems from last semester. I can't get into my chosen career without a degree, so it looks like I'm kissing goodbye to my dreams.

Message withdrawn

TheRealMBJ Thu 04-Aug-11 20:40:34

No don't DCMP. Do you have a mentor or someone else assigned to you that you can talk to about this? There must be a way that you can defer for a year and save up

Oh, peanut, no! Can anything be worked out?

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 04-Aug-11 20:46:51

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DontCallMePeanut Thu 04-Aug-11 20:58:59

It's not so much a "dropping out". More a case of "if you don't find the money to pay back the hardship loan you took when Student Finance screwed up, then we can't register you for the next year".

Ohhh, and Student Finance. A whole new saga with them. They've "lost" the page which contained all the financial information from my childcare costs confirmation form. So I need that filled out again by my ex childminder. Who claims that, as she's no longer registered with Ofstead, she can't fill out anything with her Ofsted number on it. So I now have to pay back £1,200 there. It took Student Finance three damn months to tell me it had gone missing.

I'm another one who deferred. You still get student loan - they will fund an extra year (if it's not changed, and when I did it was only 2006).

Might it also be possible to ask for extra help? DH's university let him owe them the fees for the last year and he's still paying them back now - long shot but if you don't ask, you don't get.

Sorry if suggestions are infuriating (I know they can be when you've explored all the options), I just feel rotten for you.

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 04-Aug-11 21:01:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ah, cross-post. sad

This sounds crap. Strongly-worded and official-sounding letter to Student Finance saying 'your fault, your problem'? Have you any evidence you did provide the info originally?

BertieBotts Thu 04-Aug-11 21:04:38

I'm having a similar problem, Peanut. I sent off my student finance application but it arrived too late - I know I was horribly late in sending it off in the first place, but just been finding it really hard to do things like that over the last year or so. 5 days late it arrived sad I feel really cheated because they didn't bother to put the closing date on the website, the form or the guidance notes. Now being told I can't register for next year until I've paid the outstanding £840. I need to phone them up and see if I can settle it in instalments or something but other than that I don't know what to do.

DontCallMePeanut Thu 04-Aug-11 21:05:49

I will be taking it up with Ofsted, believe me. I actually ended up in tears in front of DS today. I never cry in front of him. Ever. I might feel like it, but I can always fight the tears back.

The worst part is all these revelations have happened today. All in one day. This is a joke, right? A nightmare?

I've been phoning student finances WEEKLY to find out why my account was showing a repayment, and each time they said it was an error and they had all the evidence they need. Every. Single. Time. (Except for the young woman who somehow mistook DS's change in childcare for me quitting Uni... Quite a revelation as I was about to sit an exam at the time...) hmm

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 04-Aug-11 21:11:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DontCallMePeanut Thu 04-Aug-11 21:13:32

Rather stupidly, I didn't make copies. I have proof I sent a form to them, but not what it was. They have the CCG2 form, minus that page. Unfortunately, the page with the costs on it was loose after the childminder had been late returning it, as she'd been ill.

Bertie, that's terrible sad Sounds like we're in the same boat here. I had issues with their guidance notes. My first payment regarding anything child related was three months late (was paid two days before Christmas and nearly had to postpone Christmas as a result) as they very kindly didn't bother pointing out that I had to send in my tax credit notice. Apparently it's in the notes, but I may have missed this, being dyslexic, and they never wrote, emailed or called asking for it to be sent in. hmm Last time I checked, I'm not psychic

Message withdrawn

DontCallMePeanut Thu 04-Aug-11 21:23:19

Oh, that's next on the list, believe me, SGM. My friend had suggested that this morning.

I've heard some right horrors of late, including my best friend being refused access to her account as she couldn't answer the question about her home phone number. She has never had a landline. They had 11122223333 (or something similar saved) Then every question on her account was "wrong".
She then got told she wasn't elegible for Student Finance as she wasn't a UK resident (She was born in London, has never left England for more than 4 weeks). NOW, and this is the corker, she's been told someone made a fraudulent claim in her name in 1994 (she was a SAHM at the time), and unless she pays them x amount of money, she won't be able to apply for Student Finance.

DontCallMePeanut Thu 04-Aug-11 21:26:06

SAF, I'll be arranging a meeting with him soon. Apparently, he despairs of the Student Finance system, and knows that once one mistake is made on SFE's behalf, it's near on impossible for it to get sorted. (Another friend is meeting him this week, as she's changing from a joint to single honours, but SFE won't accept that she is NOT becoming a first year student all over again.)

Oh, they are being such pricks! You sent the information, you have proof you sent it (even if not direct proof of that bit - which would be stupid of them to insist on). If they can't find it that's their problem.

DontCallMePeanut Fri 05-Aug-11 11:32:07

It feels like it's one thing after another. sad I've just found out my ex's Nan is dying, and wouldn't have found out had I not noticed the ex's aunt's status on FB, and asked her. Obviously, out of the family = not important enough to tell at any point (they've known for a few weeks), even though it's DS's great nan, AND they've always known that I was quite fond of her.

Oh, love. I'm so sorry. I'm shocked they didn't think to tell you and your DS.

DontCallMePeanut Fri 05-Aug-11 12:38:53

I'm both heartbroken for her (she was the closest thing I've had to a Nan) and furious that no-one thought to tell me. DS's grandparents haven't phoned once since I returned from theirs in May. The ex texted earlier this week. No mention of it. His brother, aunt and step-sister all have me on facebook. Yet no-one told me.

Hell, they didn't even bother telling me when the ex was in hospital.

Nice to know how much they think DS needs to know where his family are concerned. sad

They sound pretty selfish. sad

TheRealMBJ Fri 05-Aug-11 12:52:32


TheRealMBJ Fri 05-Aug-11 12:53:06

oops. That was meant to include sad

DontCallMePeanut Fri 05-Aug-11 12:54:00

I'm furious. I knew they gave up ridiculously easily on DS's half brother, but that was after the ex's xW told him he couldn't see his DS anymore. I've never, despite the dislike I feel for xP, said anything of the sort, something which I think is clear by the fact I was willing to travel 200 miles so DS could see them. It feels like they're taking an "out of sight, out of mind" approach to DS. How can people be so blase about a 3 year old member of their family?

Ooh, I really want to swear about them. I really do.

DontCallMePeanut Fri 05-Aug-11 14:40:00

Oooh, Student Finance have FINALLY given me details on who to contact regarding the Childcare Grant issues.

PenguinArmy Fri 05-Aug-11 16:11:13

peanut sad (nan and money) but <fx> about latest development. Not the same but I nearly dropped out for a year because of money, couldn't find a new job. Thankfully my parents helped out but my tutor when I told her of what I thinking and whether I could do it personally offered to help out (she later gave me a computer). I didn't need much as SL paid rent, but when you have nothing even small things are a big deal.

I need to get in touch with SL to stop payments now I'm not working. I am working on the assumption that even when told they will still take money such is their reputation.

thanks for the comments about the road trip, it was surreally epic but great. Really pleases with what we did and the photos

DontCallMePeanut Fri 05-Aug-11 16:56:52

Ex BIL has just updated his FB status. DS's Great Nan passed away today sad

PenguinArmy Fri 05-Aug-11 17:03:54

oh peanut sad how is your DS or is he not that old?

DontCallMePeanut Fri 05-Aug-11 17:05:57

He's 3. We didn't see her when we went down to Birmingham, for a number of reasons. Now I bloody wish we had.

DontCallMePeanut Fri 05-Aug-11 17:06:32

He hasn't seen her for at least two years, so won't remember her.

ElephantsAndMiasmas Fri 05-Aug-11 17:43:43

Have been wondering whether there have been any articles on how Mike Tindall "won the heart of a princess" etc, equivalent of the Kate ones from earlier in the year?

Sorry to hear all your bad news DCMP sad. I hope things take a turn for the better soon.

DontCallMePeanut Fri 05-Aug-11 18:44:15

I'm hoping they do, too, Catitain. The past two days are beyond a joke. They really are. sad

DontCallMePeanut Fri 05-Aug-11 18:44:58

And thank you everyone for your kind words.

LilBB Fri 05-Aug-11 19:39:37

Oh peanut I'm so sorry. I hope you are ok.

I haven't been on as much as been back at work and exhausted. Overheard a man in the office telling someone that he can't marry his gf as his ex will get more CSA for his daughter as they take in to account both income. Oh and apparently she has two other kids (not his) and why should his CSA pay for them. Besides the fact he is clearly a lovely bloke to care so much about his daughter and her financial upbringing would the CSA take money off his new wife? Men who whinge and moan about paying for kids that they created really pee me off.

so sad for you, Peanut.

Packing to travel to the UK on Tues. DS is being a clingy, wriggling nightmare. I am dreading the flight. Packing is hard enough!
Oh, and he's waking for hours in the night and insisting on nursing back to sleep. He bit quite badly last week and feeding him is agony. I woke DH at 4.30 this morning after nearly an hour of wrestling/wincing/feeding and said 'TAKE OVER BEFORE I KILL SOMEONE.' so then I got to sleep in until 6.30 when we switched again, and gave him a chance to catch another hour to make up for the hours he'd spent sitting at the foot of the cot with his hand though the bars, patting and shushing...

ugh. sorry for the whine. I just need a break from DS, and I'm about to be his sole carer for three weeks. Argh, argh, argh... at least my mum will help when I get there in 2 weeks' time, but right now he wants me, only me, and even DH getsmwelcomed with screaming fits when he tries to give me a breather.

Small beer compared to some of the stuff that everyone's dealing with on here, but when it's right up close and personal it's hard to see past the 'THIS IS SO HARD' part and get perspective!

DontCallMePeanut Sat 06-Aug-11 16:22:02

The ex did text last night. He was suprised I already knew, and apologised that his brother had put the status up before he had a chance to tell me. He sounded pretty upset about everything. His stepsister found out after I had, and as I sent her a message to offer my condolences, she told me she was about to message me to let me know, as she wasn't sure if the ex had. She also commented that she was sorry her family had been selfish enough not to let me know that Nan had been ill, as I'm part of the family, as far as she's concerned. That made me cry.

Blackcurrants, how old is DS? Sorry you're finding it difficult at the moment. I hope things do settle down soon, leaving you able to relax a bit. DS was the same when he was young. Do you have any idea why feeding is painful atm? Have you checked for a blocked milk duct? (sorry if I've misunderstood that part)

He's just turned on, Peanut- and it's only painful cos the little blighter scraped his teeth all over one side of my nipple ...and then the other side .... and I'm so far into bf that I didn't have any lansinoh/jelonet stuff handy, so it formed a scab, and now it's bloody painful every time I feed... It'll be alright in a few days but he's feeding like MAD at the moment, to the extent that I'm wearing a buttoned up shirt and not sitting down (it's 29c!) because he'll toddle over for a little snackette. I think the starting walking thing has made him clingy -and he's definitely teething, that's when he bites and wants to feed all the time.
Thank fuck for calpol and DH taking him out! Now I'm going to get the packing sorted while I have the flat to myself.

And how kind you are to ask about my silly moaning, Peanut, when your life is proper difficult. You are lovely. I'm glad you've been getting some support/info, however delayed, from the ex's family.

PenguinArmy Sun 07-Aug-11 13:14:18

MIL: That's the problem with girl babies.... (based on experience of her two sons and a female toddler at work)

Me: <grits teeth> offers counter story of known opposites <keeps up smile>

MIL: You're too much of a career woman to stay at home. Nothing inherently bad but yet I felt it was negative

MIL: It's good that DH is going back to work because otherwise DD will get too attached and clingy (he's been the SAHD for the past year).

TheFrozenMBJ Sun 07-Aug-11 13:34:35


Yes, because if you stayed home with her she wouldn't be attached to you? hmm

DH's best friend (who has no children) has been telling him that he needs to sort DS out to stop him being such a mummy's boy. He's 19 months old FGS!

oh, I am SO ready to rip off the head of anyone who worries that DS is a 'mummy's boy' -yeah, I'll rip that head right off and probably eat it. (sorry, poss. too much greek literature this morning).

Seriously, though. My mother was delighted that my cousin sent her 8 year old off to prep school (boarding! at eight!) to 'toughen him up a bit.' I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised, given that she did the same to my brother, but still. Of course, both my brother (35) and cousin's son (16) say it was the best time of their lives, but I still can't reconcile myself to the idea. They're so little at eight! No one advocated sending their daughters away at eight...oh no, but boys must be trained to spend their time with other boys, lest they have meaningful relationships with women!

Arrgh. I really need a [rant] emoticon!

TheFrozenMBJ Sun 07-Aug-11 16:30:33

It is ridiculous. The friend in question is a massive misogynist (DH said last night, 'Even I can see it' grin. I feel really sorry for his wife, who is a lovely and feisty woman, I don't really know how she agreed to marry him. But he is a forces child and himself shipped off to boarding school at a young age (and his father by all accounts - a nightmare)

I find him really tiring actually, he is quite political (socialist) and really interesting to argue with,but I find myself constantly having to explain to him why he is sexist and very judgemental.

I am astounded that DH is such good friends with him as they are so different in their understanding of women and thankful that we live more that 350 miles away from them.

DontCallMePeanut Sun 07-Aug-11 16:30:53

Heh. My mum called DS a "mummy's boy" recently. Was quickly greeted with the response "well, whose else is he going to be when I'm the sole carer?"

I hate the theory boys should be toughened up. Luckily, Mum was never big on the idea - but she preferred for me to be the tough one. My brother would frequently cry, even as a teen; still does. But that's cos he's in touch of his emotions.

Luckily, DS has an equal number of male and female friends. My male friends have always outnumbered my female friends, but luckily most of them know that, provided they don't start spouting misogyny then I won't start pretending to be misandrous. grin Gets them thinking when they start ranting about women, and I add something about "bloody men"... Never had to do that with my two best friends. I'm hoping that coming from a feminist household will have a positive effect on DS; He's already told my mum that "yes, boys can be pretty too", which made me smile. Mum kept trying to tell him he wasn't pretty, he was handsome, which really upset him hmm

TheFrozenMBJ Sun 07-Aug-11 16:31:12

Oops - missing parenthesis.

SybilBeddows Mon 08-Aug-11 20:04:28

Hi all.

MBJ how is your ds?

TheFrozenMBJ Mon 08-Aug-11 20:17:44

Good thanks. Well actually, not sure he's prepared for DD's arrival in 10 weeks though. (Come to think of it - I'm not sure I am either)

DontCallMePeanut Mon 08-Aug-11 20:21:35

I've had a result from the student finance england front. They've finally got my grant details right, minus the missing childcare payments.

SybilBeddows Mon 08-Aug-11 20:26:38

10 weeks is long enough for you, and he probably won't notice her! My ds1 was more interested in the infant carrier clip than the baby when ds2 arrived. (And I wasn't ready, my mum luckily thought to stick the Moses basket bedding in the wash when I went into labour.) How's the pregnancy doing?

DCMP - is this money for next term or have you already started the course?

DontCallMePeanut Mon 08-Aug-11 20:32:38

MBJ, you'll be fine! How are you feeling atm?

Sybil, I've already started the course, but they underpaid me last semester. But this is the money for next term. I'm still a couple of hundred down for this academic year, though.

SybilBeddows Mon 08-Aug-11 20:34:30

so they have a few weeks to sort it out! Good luck, I hope they get it right soon....

DontCallMePeanut Mon 08-Aug-11 20:39:01


Shit. Just had a downpour of heavy rain, and I've ust discovered we have a leak in the kitchen.


TheFrozenMBJ Mon 08-Aug-11 20:40:06

DCMP - finally a step in the right direction.

I'm very well, thank you. Feeling really good actually, despite lack of sleep.

SybilBeddows Mon 08-Aug-11 20:40:22

on the bright side, the kitchen is a good place for a leak because you will have a ready supply of saucepans etc for catching the water wink

DontCallMePeanut Mon 08-Aug-11 20:40:47

Glad you're feeling good. smile Makes all the difference sometimes

SybilBeddows Mon 08-Aug-11 20:41:21

glad you're both well MJB smile
oops, I mean all 3 of you (you, ds and baby)

DontCallMePeanut Mon 08-Aug-11 20:42:27

This is true. It seems to have slowed now. I'm sure it's something to do with the skylight in the kitchen. Thing is, I can only get a look at it from DS's room and he's asleep. Will have to try and find the landlords number in the morning

PenguinArmy Mon 08-Aug-11 20:47:59

MBJ I have got nothing for the baby yet, then again we don't have anywhere to live yet either grin <carries on telling self it will work out>

DCMP I'm always happy when you get good news

SybilBeddows Mon 08-Aug-11 20:49:01

PenguinArmy - it will all work out!

DontCallMePeanut Mon 08-Aug-11 20:50:53

It will work out, Penguin. How far along are you?

TheFrozenMBJ Mon 08-Aug-11 21:01:04

Penguin me neither. Well, a few little bits and bobs but nothing really. I figure DS's old clothes will suffice, but I really should get them down from the loft and wash them. Not getting a dbl buggy either. DS hardly went into it for the first 4 months or so anyway. I'm just gonna have DD in the sling/ssc and DS in the buggy in the beginning. We only moved into our house 3 weeks before DS was born too. It was fine.

PenguinArmy Mon 08-Aug-11 21:01:30

I know, it's just out of my control now. Just a waiting game.

Am 30 weeks, see a UK MW tomorrow but in the wrong PCT but get notes and things started.

PenguinArmy Mon 08-Aug-11 21:04:36

I'm going for the sling/buggy combo to start with as well.

We moved to CA when she was 3 months and i had to finish my PhD first. This should be a doddle. Not used to not having plans if that makes sense. Someone my mum knows gave us a load of 0-3 months boy things to we don't need anything else. Still have sling and moses basket, just some nappies I guess grin

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Tue 09-Aug-11 06:03:50

I haven't bought anything save a couple of dinky wee babygros, but DD's been moved to a single bed so there's a cot - would like a Moses but we don't have one already, and we're broke trying to scrape up the money for a second car, which we will really, really need. And a friend's handing down her carrier. And I have boobs. So I figure we're covered.

How old will your elders be? DD will be just on 3, so we don't use the stroller much anymore but for long hauls we'll do stroller/carrier combo as well.

PenguinArmy Tue 09-Aug-11 07:24:28

BF so appeals to my lazy nature so <fx> it works this time as well.

Freecycle might be alright for moses baskets. You can normally get one new with some bedding for £30.

DD will be 18-19 months. MBJ's I think a month of two older. If we had been settled I might have considered a early move to be a bed, but at least we don't need a new cot itself until about xmas time.

Me and Dh are perfectly happy to use the pink bedding etc. we were given with DD. Nearly everything with her was hand me hands so we didn't buy a lot of more neutral stuff. I guess we'll have to buy a few extra nappies but can't decide how many, although DD didn't fit them until she was about 8 weeks old. I don't think this one will be as small as her.

Now that we're back around people we know I finding people try and attribute so many features to their sex. She has a female cousin just a few months younger and they couldn't be more different so it's there in their faces a counter example. people like to 'understand' things I guess.

TheFrozenMBJ Tue 09-Aug-11 08:36:42

DS will be 22 months in October.

I didn't realise you were pregnant too Tortoise, when are you due? So many babies! I was give a lot, in fact all DS's things and got very few neutral items. We knew he was going to be a boy, just like we know this one will be a DD. I'm not a big fan of either blue/pink though, so did request a lot of oranges and greens etc. Until now, I haven't considered the implications of knowing the sex wrt gender stereotyping and wish now we had waited to find out.

I agree with you penguin, people attribute the strangest things to gender. DS likes balls, so it must be because he is a boy. I have felt remarkably well this pregnancy, so it must be because I'm having a girl hmm. Strange

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Tue 09-Aug-11 09:14:59

Due in November, I'm roughly six months. Don't know what we're having, and didn't know with DD either. I was insanely curious this time around but I couldn't come up with a logical reason why, if you see what I mean.

You two have much smaller age gaps than me, then. I wanted a smaller age gap, but I'm the breadwinner while DH finishes his studies, and we couldn't afford it until he was in a position to get paid employment again. I'm hoping that if he agrees to #3 (he's undecided; his position is to wait and see how each one goes and then decide re the next) there'll be a smaller gap. But it does mean that we've been able to get DD out of nappies and into a big bed well before it was an issue.

Another one who is pregnant here - due end of October. Found out yesterday I haven't got Gestational Diabetes - hurrah! Bring on the cakes wink!

I have been training DS in walking to avoid double buggy scenario! He will be nearly 2.2 though when the new one is born so we should be alright. We will probably get one of those steps to go on the back of the buggy for him.
Might get a sling too but I wasn't too successful with one for DS as it took me quite a while to recover from the birth.

Also hoping to get DS into a big bed before the new one needs the cot (what age do they normally go into big beds??). We are going to use a travel cot Tortoise for the newborn. We have a small carry cot type one which is ideal.

Haven't bought any clothes (and nor will I). This one will just have to cope with the blue fest if she is a girl! Let's face it she won't give a toss! (We have plenty of neutral ones and a few pink ones too - never been that keen on colour coding babies).

Oh and an update on the ex and his mother who was ill. Took your advice. He of course ignored that and replied anyway (which I didn't respond to). However, his mother has now just died sad so I am currently composing an appropriate response to offer my condolences. I didn't really know his mother (only met her a couple of times) despite the fact we were together for years. Kind of indicative of the state of our realtionship tbh though.

PenguinArmy Tue 09-Aug-11 10:51:25

I was really suprised with US clothes, I thought they would be more gendered but not mostly non-pink stuff for DD as she got older (still obviously female though but mainly as dresses fitted her more than trousers and tops which are a nightmare due to her skinniness).

Hand Good luck with the note and it's always great to have a reason to celebrate cake, speaking of which...

<goes off to find food>

PenguinArmy Tue 09-Aug-11 10:51:42

not got

snowmama Tue 09-Aug-11 11:07:08

Oooh, congrats to all those expecting!

You may all have cars so then this will be irrelevant, but double buggie are great workhorses if you don't. Combined with a large sling (one that can last till they are 4/5), we can go out all day for miles and when they tire...I put youngest...but heading towards 3, on my back...big one on front seat and all bag
scooters, crap on the back seat...

think I may get away with not needing a car for a little longer!

peanut I am sorry to hear about your troubles recently..hope things are better soon.

blackcurrents,hope you feel better soon.

VictorGollancz Tue 09-Aug-11 11:19:14

I've been meaning to come in and say hi for ages, and I need a break from yet another abortion thread, so hi!

In other news, I can hear 'Call me Al' by Paul Simon drifting across from another office, and it's making me want to dance on my desk like Chevy Chase.

snowmama Tue 09-Aug-11 11:22:12

Ha ha, I now have 'you can call me al' going round in my head!

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Tue 09-Aug-11 12:34:53

I hide abortion threads, they just frustrate me.

I wonder if there'd be anything left on MN today if I hide the riots threads, though.

AuntieMonica Tue 09-Aug-11 12:38:02

afternoon all

can i offer anyone a brew?

with you on that one Tortoise and thanks to peanut for the backup yesterday smile not sure if it's the done thing to talk about another thread here, so will shut up about it now blush

I normally hide abortion threads too because anyone arguing against a woman's right to have autonomy over their body is simply wrong and a misogynist. I find it way too emotive that people want to take my rights to my own body away from me.

LilBB Tue 09-Aug-11 12:47:23

Well I've been back at work 2 weeks sickness free and now I'm off again. Really bad back and pelvic pain, could barely walk yesterday. Still 22 weeks to go!!!

The woman who had a baby at 23 weeks was on tv this morning. What does it have to do with her what the abortion limit is? If her baby had died would she have spoken out saying abortion is ok at 24 weeks? Just because you have been through a tragedy/ordeal does not mean a cause needs to come from it.

DontCallMePeanut Tue 09-Aug-11 13:06:50

Urgh, I had enough of the abortion debate the other night. I still don't understand how people can argue that a woman who doesn't want the baby she is carrying should, at the very least carry it to term and have it adopted. Leave it as an option, yes. Don't press it. I could go on all day about it, but it's triggery territory.

AuntieMonica no worries. I don't like people getting accused of being something they're not at the best of times.

I hardly slept last night. Spoke to the ex and the Birmingham riots were outside our old flat when we spoke. As much as he put me through, there's still a part of me that really doesn't want him scared shitless. Kinda brought up a load of weird feelings.

Message withdrawn

PenguinArmy Tue 09-Aug-11 14:44:24

i did make a comment (first one in fact) but don't get drawn into the actual debate on abortion threads.

With DD I loved the kari-me, but I did a lot of longer walks. for popping on and off quickly if you go to a group etc. not so handy, but if you're fine to keep it on. DD was always a quick (and incredibly fussy at times) feeder so I never used it in a feeding position, but that's something I think I would like to try if Nigel is a average feeder. Thinking of getting a new one as the elastic if very clearly well used, think that was 45 new. i have a ring sling for shorter things though never quite got the hang of it. Used it for hanging up the washing etc but since it will be winter, that was only 10 off ebay

i am avoiding the riot news atm which since I don't watch TV is quite easy.

Message withdrawn

PenguinArmy Tue 09-Aug-11 15:16:26

the kari-me is a brand of a type of wrap sling. It's advantage over overs is the material is stretchy.

What helped the first time was going to a sling meet and trying some on. I came out with very different ideas than when i went in (I thought I would want a carrier and that wraps were too hippy blush). If you have local one (ours was once a month) I would highly recommend it.

I don't like the pouch ones like the babaslings, especially after some got recalled. I can't say why but they don't seem right to me. With the one shoulder ones the weight isn't as well distributed (hence ring sling for short periods of time). wraps are washable, don't know about carriers but I would have thought.

DontCallMePeanut Tue 09-Aug-11 15:17:38

Gaaah, my darling best friend is so convinced the police must be lying about Mark Duggan having a gun that it's frustrating. So much of what she's posting could be construed as complete riot apologetics. I need a biscuit

SAF, I had one of the slings that holds your baby upright. not reccomended. DS screamed the whole time he was in it, and I ended up with a hell of a back ache.

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PenguinArmy Tue 09-Aug-11 15:24:00

in the heat of summer then yes it was hot (or a hot room hence needing to take it off at a baby group). So even though it will be winter, shops tend to hot over here. Although you could go with a light coat instead. baby temp was always fine as you act as the heat source or the heat sink. Complicated at first but after a half dozen tries it was a doddle. that was the other good thing about the sling meet, I went there after DD was born and they gave those little tips that can only be done when you're with another person.

As I said I haven't yet-- started-- I'm looking into different ones this time, I think you can get ones that are more of a hybrid between the carriers (so quick to get on/off) but still quite wrappy (so large area of body contact and better position for baby). As for feeding, well we can work that out together grin

PenguinArmy Tue 09-Aug-11 15:25:36

outdoor walks then the kari-me (or similar) is great. DD felt REALLY secure in it and I had both hands free and you won't deal with indoor heating.

TheFrozenMBJ Tue 09-Aug-11 16:19:39

I have a moby wrap (very similar to the kari-me just slightly more supportive) a soft structured carrier (ssc -brand is Rose and Rebellion) and a baba sling as well as a structured carrier.

This is my experience only smile

I used the baba sling the least. If it had been a proper ring sling (which you can make yourself pretty cheaply and with minimal sewing ability) it may have been more functional but I found the baba sling really difficult to adjust and so got minimal use. I used it mainly when he got older as a support for the hip carry.

I love, love, loved my moby (and will be using it a lot again with the new baby) as it held DS really close and spread his weight brilliantly and I wore him a lot so just kept it on most of the time, but when he started eating to crawl I found taking it off and re-wrapping it a pain, which is why I have bought the ssc for the new baby, I have yet to use it but have a friend who has one (Ergo) and still wears her almost 3 year old in it.

DH enjoys the structured back pack but I find it heavy and cumbersome.

This time around I will use the Moby most of the time, the ssc when out and about and may ask MIL or mum to whip me up a ring sling.

sAf if you can sew, you can make a ring sling or a wrap for less than £10. The largest expense may be from buying weight tested rings from. The US as I don't think they are available here. I know someone who still wears her toddler in the ring sling.

TheFrozenMBJ Tue 09-Aug-11 16:22:57

Penguin have you looked at a Mai-Tai? They have a very much like a cross between a wrap and a ssc, but I do think a bit better for slightly older babies.

Message withdrawn

TheFrozenMBJ Tue 09-Aug-11 16:28:45

Oh, the baba sling is fine for safety it isn't a pouch sling but like a ring sling but with buckles instead of a ring. The way it sits is like a ring sling not like the pouch slings which could bunch and suffocate a small baby.

PenguinArmy Tue 09-Aug-11 16:36:00

I happily stand corrected. Mei-tai that's the one I was going to look at, but it's on my desired other than must do list, so maybe after we move

Message withdrawn

LilBB Thu 11-Aug-11 07:16:59

I had one of those front carriers last time (Tomy I think) and my back really suffered for it. I had an epidural an for a few weeks after birth my back felt so weak around the site. I really want a sling type carrier this time especially when I will have a 3 year old to look after too. The front carriers are quite bulky and I found doing things eg the dishes a bit difficult with it on.

Message withdrawn

TheFrozenMBJ Thu 11-Aug-11 09:13:18

Most people find the Tomy/Baby Bjorn type carriers get really uncomfortable really quickly. They really don't distribute weight properly. I did find that the wrapping him in the front did limit some activities, tike washing dishes.

In South Africa, the women just tie the babies to their backs with a bath towel. From birth. And carry on. They can't stop working so they have to. Babies spend most of the first year strapped to their mum's backs.

TotalChaos Thu 11-Aug-11 14:14:58

oh I had the bog standard tomy one as well, it was awful. great customer service, mind - I thought I had lost a clip in the washing machine, asked them to replace the clip and they sent me a brand new sling out, free shock. ring slings are meant to be good, can't think of a particular brand tho.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DontCallMePeanut Sat 13-Aug-11 15:05:39

Gah, DM is being a pain again. sad

Got my timetable for next semester. There's an 8pm finish once a week. Straight away, she's telling me it's not fair on DS, and that my degree is probably the reason I have problems with him.

The hell? I don't have problems with DS. He is, on the whole, well behaved. OK, he occassionally plays up, but what child doesn't? And yes, he played up more whilst we were visiting them, but y'know, being in a hot country and seeing your grandparents for the first time in 3 months, it's pretty normal for kids to test the boundaries a bit, isn't it? How DARE she describe him as problematic... sad

TheFrozenMBJ Sat 13-Aug-11 17:56:50

sad Sorry DCMP. It is ridiculous, my MIL is always saying things like, 'Oh, you're hardly coping with one...' or 'DS is enough if a handful' like I'm falling apart at the seams.

Sometimes kids are difficult, that's life.

Does getting your timetable mean you have sorted out the issues with finances?

DontCallMePeanut Sat 13-Aug-11 18:52:23

Not yet, but my SIL is getting her money on Tuesday, and owes me £600; enough to pay everything back.

The thing is, DS is hardly a difficult child. That's what made me angry. If she was around more often, she could make that judgement. And she'd realise it was the wrong judgement. (I mean, when my friend's fiance, who hates kids praises how adorable DS is, you know he's a pretty good child)

I'm so glad I don't have a MIL to cope with grin I'd have been admitted by now!

How are you, MBJ?

TheFrozenMBJ Sat 13-Aug-11 21:43:07

I'm good thanks smile. Feeling really, really pregnant and very cumbersome today. Have managed very, very little.

My MIL is OK really. Her heart is in the right place but she is a <whispers> true-blue Tory and quite judgemental. Very middle England and quick to blame every social ill on the 'lack of decent mothers'. And because I'm a SAHM, she thinks that I believe as she does. (Boy, I make her sound so much worse than she really is)

I often just nod and smile when these topics come up.

DS is similarly a really sweet, easy-going toddler, hardly tantrums (mainly cause I bribe him with the boob grin) and very loving towards nearest and dearest. He has a bit of stranger anxiety (well, no a lot really) and is a terrible sleeper but nothing I believe one can really do anything about. She on the other hand is a 'put-them-in-the-cot-and-shut-the-door' type. However, to her credit she rarely comments on my parenting ethos (not to me anyway but DH has told her to butt out) and has only really once told me that she thinks I am at fault for spoiling him to much when he was a newborn.

PenguinArmy Sun 14-Aug-11 08:11:12

DCMP that sucks. We get random comments here and there but nothing sustained. I seem to have a manner that says 'I don't take that on board' and end of discussion grin We did get the 'how will you cope' when we annouced PG2 as well, but otherwise they are too afraid of direct confrontation

DCMP You looking forward to next years course?

DontCallMePeanut Sun 14-Aug-11 09:42:52

I'm lucky enough that I don't even have to bribe DS to avoid tantrums. Took him up an airshow on Thursday with his cousin, and she was constantly whinging whenever DSil said no to something. DS just accepted it with a "maybe later?" or "ok, Mummy" (DNiece is double his age, so felt like a bit of a triumph that he was so well behaved) grin

PA, I'm very much looking forward to next year. I have a few modules that I'm really going to enjoy coming up; subtitling and dubbing, politics and mass media, and screenwriting being of particular interest grin

Anyway, MBJ, you're pregnant! That's a valid excuse to manage very little! grin

How are you feeling, PA?

LilBB Sun 14-Aug-11 19:59:56

Hello everyone. Ive had comments from MIL about my ability to cope with one, how am I going to do it with two. She oftens insinuates she had no problems with hers then let's things slip. Eg she said all hers went to bed at 8 no problems never to be seen again until morning. Then let it slip that hearing them cry was hard. Also that hers only had 3 meals a day and they got what they where given. Yet one is the fussiest eater I've ever met. I'm starting to take her criticism with a pinch of salt.

TheFrozenMBJ Sun 14-Aug-11 20:24:45

Lil ourms sound very similar grin

Wonder if any of the UK Feministas are back yet to update on the weekend?

LilBB Sun 14-Aug-11 20:33:51

Mine blames the countries problems on immigration and parents not smacking their kids. She makes me cringe sometimes.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hi all,

Welcome back you conference lot. Hope you all had a great time. You were missed! wink. It would be great to have a look at those links USM.

Well I think my polite but firm e-mail back to ex has worked! It took me two days to write 5 lines hmm but basically said I am sorry for your loss but I cannot give you the emotional support you want as my priority is to my family. Haven't had anything back. Feel a bit harsh but he was trying to lay it on. Him and his girlfriend have finished (not before time may I add as he was a shit to her too), finding it really hard etc. I just felt it was inappropriate that he was asking me for emotional support - that is what his family and friends should be giving (not my fault he has been a shit to them as well). I am amazed at how my view of him has changed in the last 12 months - scales falling from eyes scenario!

LilBB - hope you are alright. Your pregnancy sounds like a shocker. I really feel for you! Have you got SPD do you think?

I am so lucky with my Mum and my MIL although MIL does have a propensity for misremembering dates. For example DH was potty trained any time from 10 months to 2 years! It was 47 years ago though tbf! And she had 3 boys under 3 (thought she couldn't have children by incompetent doctors - in fact I could start a whole thread about how badly she has been treated throughout her life by the medical profession). Last 2 were a bit of a shock!

DontCallMeFrothyDragon Tue 16-Aug-11 11:21:30

Well done on the reply to the ex, handdividedscallops. Feels quite empowering, doesn't it?

Still working on this essay. It's taking ALL my effort not to launch into a 2,300 word rant about how much of a trope both Marla Singer from Fight Club and Clementine from Eternal Sunshine were... I mean, ALL my effort. Once I twigged Clementine was a less screwy Marla, that was it... grin

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thanks USM!

LilBB Tue 16-Aug-11 13:24:15

Well done for standing up to your ex!! Some people just take take take without thought of the other person.

Yes I think I have SPD but waiting for the physio appointment to come through. Been to the hospital again today as had some bleeding. Everything is ok, I have a UTI so antibiotics and lots of cranberry juice. I'm now panicking about a U turn I did on the main road outside the hospital. I was frantically searching for a space and needed to go back on myself. I didn't see any no u turn signs and there was no traffic its just playing on my mind. Just imagining that in a few weeks I'll get a letter with a little photo of me in my car on it along with a fine.

I do feel empowered DCMFD (although hate that word as is implies I wasn't powerful beforehand wink). I am sooo not a shy wallflower type in RL and I struggle to understand where my previous reluctance to basically tell him to f off comes from. It is fine if he has done something offensive but when he is being "reasonable" I have previously found it difficult to mark the boundaries in our relationship. Of course the fact that I even have to do that says something about him too. Take take take is about right LilBB. Constantly having to prop up his ego when we were together. I fell into the trap of trying to remain friends after our relationship ended. So much wasted energy (I blame "Friends" you know grin).

Don't worry about the U-turn LilBB - if you are in the UK and you haven't received anything in 2 weeks then you are fine. U-Turns are fine if there are no signs telling you otherwise I think.

Oh and sorry UsingMainlySpoons for getting all your initials the wrong way round!

TheRealMBJ Tue 16-Aug-11 14:32:16

Well done Handdived smile

I'm in the UK!
DS has more or less got over the jetlag, which is a relief. a toddler who won't go to sleep before midnight is nobody's idea of fun.
Of course, now he has a cold.

BUT! We went for fishnchips in my rainy old hometown today, (slathered in heavenly vineagar for me, unseasoned -and adored- for DS) and it was heaven.

I walked past a Greggs, thought of MN and smiled. Now, where can I get Froot Shoots?

Hope everyone's well. I've been away from here for a bit - did people have fun at UKFEM?

PenguinArmy Tue 16-Aug-11 17:12:58

<waves at blackcurrants>

Head down to a Tesco or Morrisons, alternatively check out a spoons near you grin

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LilBB Tue 16-Aug-11 20:02:35

Froot shoots are everywhere!! They don't really bother me though as long as they are occasional. They are handy to grab when out. There isn't much choice for small kids. The alternative would be Capri sun or Ribena which are just as bad. Greggs however is dire! As someone from the pie capital of the country I take my meat pastry goods very seriously.

TheRealMBJ Tue 16-Aug-11 20:05:30

Ah, but you see it is the aspartame which is the problem with Fruitshoots grin

I promise i was kidding about the froot shoots! i am here on holiday and UMS your parcel will be lovingly collected and probably scoffed by DH! thank you -your parcel isn't even underway yet, to my shame, but it will be!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VictorGollancz Wed 17-Aug-11 10:31:53

<shuffles in>

I'm an idiot who went on AIBU without having any caffeine...

TheRealMBJ Wed 17-Aug-11 10:46:20


TheRealMBJ Wed 17-Aug-11 10:48:53

I feel really terrible. I have just absolutely lost it with DS. He's tired and needs a nap but is refusing to sleep, tantruming, requesting a bf, which I can give and don't mind for a bit but it drives me insane if he carries on for a bit.

I have screamed and shouted and he's still not asleep.

PenguinArmy Wed 17-Aug-11 11:46:15

MBJ go easy on yourself. We're all allowed to lose control a bit, especially when 7 months pg. It's so frustrating when they won't sleep but are clearly so tired, especially as you just want whats best for them which is sleep.

SybilBeddows Wed 17-Aug-11 11:52:35

don't worry MBJ, he won't remember, and everyone loses it occasionally esp when pg and looking after toddler which is possibly the most exhausting thing in the world.

TheRealMBJ Wed 17-Aug-11 11:53:31


Thanks. I apologised and took him for a drive instead. Asleep within 2 minutes. He is upstairs in his cot now. The look on his little ace when I lost it though. sad Awful.

SybilBeddows Wed 17-Aug-11 11:54:36

oh well if it shocked him that just proves that you are lovely mummy who hardly ever loses it!

good idea to take him for a drive. How are you otherwise?

TheRealMBJ Wed 17-Aug-11 12:03:03

Ok, thanks. Am starting to feel really pregnant. Which is hardly surprising as I only have 9 weeks to go. Eek.

How are you? Home for a bit?

SybilBeddows Wed 17-Aug-11 12:06:48

yes, back from MIL's yesterday. Before that I was at my parents for 2 weeks with only a few days in between so I am extremely pleased to be home. I have repeated anxiety dreams about something bad happening to my chickens when I'm away, even though both the people who look after them for me are far more experienced chicken keepers than me!

also there's lots of lovely soft fruit at the moment!

MBJ you have my sympathies (10 weeks to go here!). DS, who is normally a little angel at going to sleep in the evening, has decided he won't go to sleep unless it is on Daddy hmm. DH, of course, obliges and so the circle starts! And honestly, he has the loudest scream/cry in the world. God knows what the neighbours think (thankfully they have 2 young children of their own).

I am taking him away for 10 days tomorrow, without DH though (to my parents) so that will be interesting!

Welcome back Sybil. I hoped you were away and not put off by the latest rucks on here hmm.

TheRealMBJ Wed 17-Aug-11 13:58:00

Going away is the main reason why I didn't get chickens when I could and now don't think I'll be considering them for a while.

Good luck with your trip Handdived, would be nice for you to get a break at your parents though . My back is killing me today, which isn't helping my mood.

PenguinArmy Wed 17-Aug-11 14:14:17

Being lazy is the main reason I didn't get chickens

justforaminute Thu 18-Aug-11 20:29:25

the guy in the local shop keeps ripping me off-what can i do about it?
i thought he had been but wasnt too sure.
then last week i was in the shop with my son and when the guy gave me my change my son turned round to him and said"right-now give give her the rest of the change"[he hadnt realised my son was with me]
then today-its happened again[i was on my own]-he tried to rip me off with a tenner.lucky enough i realised but i did have to argue to get it[he was telling me that hed already give me it when he clearly hadnt]
i did go and tell hes boss-but hes boss spoke to him[in a diffrent lingo]and they was both laughing-so obviously not going to sort it out.
im worried that they will all be ripping me off soon[theres a few in there].
the next local shop is a bus ride away-and i cant be getting dd ready and going on bus rides every time i want a few bits.
what can i do about him?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

snowmama Thu 18-Aug-11 21:53:38

Tell the shopkeeper what money you are paying him each time you pay, shows him you are aware of whether you have handed him a 10 or 20 pound note, and gives you more time to check your change against the figure you have told him. What a knob though.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

snowmama Thu 18-Aug-11 22:20:12

Yes exactly...focuses everyone's.

justforaminute Fri 19-Aug-11 10:45:06

Thankyou Snowmama.
thankyou UMS-no-i dont feel humiliated-i dont own this feeling [in this]
its him with the wrongness not me-so i havent got anything to feel humiliated about.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SybilBeddows Fri 19-Aug-11 11:20:14

oh bloody hell Just, that's really tricky if it's your only nearby shop. sad

vezzie Sun 21-Aug-11 21:46:14

Sorry to hear that Just. Sounds like your ds is on the ball though. But if you have started checking and asking for the difference, maybe they will give up? [hopeful]

Bit late to the party on this, but on slings / wraps / carriers: I have a mei tai and I can't recommend it enough. With a small baby it is a very comfortable front carry and you can bf. With a big baby / toddler you can use it for a back carry if you either get practised at getting them on (no biggy) or have a helper. You can also use it to tie a medium sized / big baby on the hip - very useful when you are trying to cook in Evil Hour. They roll up small and can be carried anywhere. I suggest the yahoo group for getting them second hand to try, they keep their value and 2nd hand and you can always swap it. (but you won't want to!)
Ring slings - a bit marmite, I think. Not for me, but I had a spinal and a bad back after dd1 and I think I needed something really easy. but then - no new mother has physical energy to spare.
Carriers like the tomys and babybjorns - have never tried one, but the baby sags so low they must be very tiring to wear like that - aren't they? Like carrying a heavy bag at arms' length....

BUT MAINLY: congratulations on all the lovely pregnancies! x

TheRealMBJ Thu 25-Aug-11 19:31:29

Hi everyone. How are you all?

I have been spending time on the active board being diverted as my brain can't currently cope with any deep analysis or thought. Just wondering how you all are?

Hope all the pregnancies are going well and that the 'summer' isn't dragging on too long for those of you with school aged children. Weather has been a nbit of a mixed-bag over here which has made planning difficult.

Baby is breech sad which is a bit of a pain, but there is plenty of time to turn yet (8 weeks) so crossing fingers she decides to reposition soon.

LilBB Fri 26-Aug-11 18:03:54

Hello everyone. I haven't been around too much. Trying to find a house to rent that is available at the right time is right pain in the backside. We've been pipped to the post with two houses this week!! Also contemplating starting my maternity leave at 29 weeks with a couple of weeks holiday before so that I can finish in about 6 weeks. With the hyperemesis, SPD, house move and a 3 year old I've really had enough of a 40 hour week with 2 hour commute each day.

TheRealMBJ Fri 26-Aug-11 18:28:44

Wow LilBB that's a hell of a schedule. I'm not surprised you want to start your materninty leave then. It sounds wise as it only gets more tiring as the pregnancy progresses. Particularly when you hit the 3rd trimester (or at least that is what I found)

LilBB Fri 26-Aug-11 18:56:46

I just need to tell work my plans now!! It will mean going back (hopefully part time) when baby is 7 months instead but needs must. I also don't want to find and settle DD in to new child care place for only 6 weeks.

ThePosieParker Fri 26-Aug-11 22:41:03

Just thought I'd join the chat, hello.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThePosieParker Fri 26-Aug-11 23:10:28


DontCallMeFrothyDragon Sat 27-Aug-11 09:20:44

I've been a lot quieter. Haven't felt up to much recently.

Welcome to the thread Posie.

UMS, I'm a bit jealous. Last time Sarah Millican performed near us, I found out as the bloody thing was starting. hmm

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LilBB Sat 27-Aug-11 09:24:43

I'm so jealous UMS. Ive no chance of going to Edinburgh for a good few years. I love comedy and I've been dying to go for ages. Saw Sarah Millican a few months ago and she was fab. Luckily it was before my pregnancy forced me to cancel loads of plans.

TheRealMBJ Sat 27-Aug-11 09:49:14

I love Sarah Millican. She's fab. Miranda on the other hand - dull, dull, dull.

Is it just me or is there a lot of 'I have a different pov and you lot won't agree with me', moaning on here ATM? Perhaps it is just the threads I am clicking on.

I am not up to much thinking at the moment tbh, and prefer just to veg. My body and brain seem to be completely drained.

DontCallMeFrothyDragon Sat 27-Aug-11 09:55:15

MBJ, there are a lot of those atm, and I really cba with them atm. There's only so many times we can repeat ourselves.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThePosieParker Sat 27-Aug-11 10:08:58

Sarah Millican is a bit 'rough' for me, talking about farting and stuff......not a great intelligent wit, Miranda though....very very funny!!

But the feminist play, I need educating.

Now I hope I can bury the next question here:

If, as a SAHM, I divorce my DH and we don't have enough assets to get new houses and the house and mortgage is in his name what happens? Am I better off trying to carve a career before I kick out the bullying fuckwit?

TheRealMBJ Sat 27-Aug-11 10:10:10

I don't mind so much if posters put forward an honest opinion but am flabbergasted at the fact that they seem to be coming on here to change minds and then get pissed off when feminists disagree with them.

ThePosieParker Sat 27-Aug-11 10:10:22

Ooops, didn't mean 'rough' meant something else but can';t think. It's the farting yucky bits I don't like. Probably rambling but head is all a spin, got pushed across the room in front of children, DS1 (9) very very confused/angry/upset.

ThePosieParker Sat 27-Aug-11 10:11:09

House bought since we were together....

TheRealMBJ Sat 27-Aug-11 10:20:22

Oh PP sad I am on my way out and can't really help.

Hmm.. hope one of the other posters can help.

justforaminute Sat 27-Aug-11 10:25:30

posie-get in touch with "shelter"-they have a legal section and probably will be able to help.
in the past ive found theyre legal section really good.
good luck


Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThePosieParker Sat 27-Aug-11 10:33:26

He definitely won't leave as "I'm selfish splitting up the family". However I've dne the staying and trying for the dcs....what's the ppoint if it does them more damage. Yesterday he belittled DS1 for getting cross about him being a shit to me. I've been in denial for too long, hence my weird position on some threads.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThePosieParker Sat 27-Aug-11 10:41:22

Thanks. There have been loads of episodes throughout our time together, but I don't love or respect him and it's mutual. He's morally bankrupt. We've got a big mortgage and only about £90,000 assets, so I think I'll keep the house until Ds3 is 18 and then we'd have to sell it and potentially split it.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThePosieParker Sat 27-Aug-11 10:56:42

He's in the higher rate of tax bracket and gets commission on top, I am going to photocopy payslips so that I can prove he earns above his basic wage. He also 'owns' 5% stake of the company he works for which is meaningless unless they buy it back or float.....but that would be enough to, at least buy us each a house. The influence his parents would have would crucify me too......they're rough and his mother already advised him to chnage his bank passwords to stop me having access to it.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThePosieParker Sat 27-Aug-11 11:25:40


SybilBeddows Sun 28-Aug-11 17:34:38

Hi all.

How was Malorie Blackman?

I'm back from hols now, home for the rest of the summer <strokes internet accesss lovingly>

How did the York meet-up go?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DontCallMeFrothyDragon Tue 30-Aug-11 09:19:29

UMS, I'll have a look for the book. I vaguely remember reading Blackmail as a youngster

Hello, I've been a bit preoccuppied with moving house (and cities) and all that this entails in the last month. Things are finally slotting into place and my dc have gone to bed early so I thought I'd log on and see how you all were.
Commiserations to the heavily pregnant: I hope the final weeks are restful for you.
And is it congratulations to the newly pregnant too? I'm kind of confused, but I think it appears that some who weren't, are now.
Finally, best wishes to Posie in her difficult time. I hope you can work things out for you and the dc.

TheRealMBJ Wed 31-Aug-11 15:53:10

Hi all.

Just checking in. Need a bit of a break from another thread I am on. It's a good discussion but it is doing my head in.

How is everyone?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheRealMBJ Wed 31-Aug-11 16:18:55

Oh. Will have to pop round and have a look at the abortion threads then. I usually stay away as they tend to drive me insane.

I am feeling really lazy and knackered to be honest and am largely ignoring DS sad not good parenting at all.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheRealMBJ Fri 02-Sep-11 09:52:00

Is it me or are things uber frustrating on here at the moment?

Hello all - I'm back in the US after my megamega family reunions.
<cossets wireless internet, slobs around in PJs blaming it on jetlag>

TPP I'm so sorry to hear you're in the middle of such a horrible time. I hope you get good information and good help.

And more power to the preg - I want another baby but I can't (as yet) face pregnancy again. It's SUCH hard work!

TheRealMBJ Fri 02-Sep-11 12:32:07

The 3rd trimester is turning out to be hell. smile

DontCallMeFrothyDragon Fri 02-Sep-11 13:37:06

Hope you're well, MBJ.

Things do seem to be more frustrating than usual atm. Have we had an influx from misandry 101?

I'm going to need a plan B for uni. I've screwed up on an essay, which is a week late (due to stress) so it'll be marked at 0, so I can't progress to the next year. Add to that, DB and DSil still owe me that money which I owe the uni. sad So, looks like that's the end of my time on the degree. Think I'll be going down the part time route, and possibly OU at a later date. An exDP (not DS's dad) very kindly listened to me ranting about everything last night, then pointed out that I'll bounce back stronger than before. Bloody dick made me cry at that. hmm grin

How is everyone?

MooncupGoddess Sat 03-Sep-11 00:33:41

Hello everyone, hope you don't mind if I stick my head round the door? I've just had a slightly unpleasant experience.

I live in London and tonight went to a Prom concert with a friend followed by meal out. Got the tube to go home about 11.30. The train was pretty full, as it often is on a Friday night, but I found a seat in the middle of a carriage. Realise that on my right is a man wearing a grey T-shirt who is very large and (I think) very drunk. He starts looking at me in an odd way, and then asks me something inarticulate. I shake my head and stare resolutely in the oppposite direction. He moves towards me and is clearly about to touch me. I stand up, walk away and at the next stop get out and go into the next carriage.

He follows me. I sit down next to another man (who has given me a sympathetic look). Guy with grey T-shirt stands in front of me. I get up and move down the carriage. He follows me. I say, 'Could you leave me alone?' He says, 'No.' I stand by the door. He stands in front of me again, blocking my way. At the next stop I jump out of the carriage and run as fast as I can all the way down the platform, then into the last carriage just before the doors shut. I sit down between two other people, open my concert programme and spend 15 minutes trying to read about Mahler's symphonic style.

As the train approaches my stop I look up. Guy with grey T-shirt is standing a few feet away. I start to feel quite shaky. The person beside me gets up to leave the train. Guy with grey T-shirt sits down beside me again. The train is in the station by now. I jump up and off the train, run down the platform, trying to thread between people so I disappear into the crowd, then up the stairs and out of the station. There's a bus at the bus stop - it's going in totally the wrong direction but I get on anyway as it's about to leave. I then have to get off the bus, get a bus back and walk home - I'm too frightened to wait at my bus stop in case he's left the tube to follow me, so I walk home as quickly and inconspicuously as I can, looking over my shoulder every ten seconds. Feel too shaky to go to bed straightaway, which is why I'm writing this.


DontCallMeFrothyDragon Sat 03-Sep-11 00:37:03

Ohh, MooncupGoddess, that must have been horrible. Are you feeling OK?

MooncupGoddess Sat 03-Sep-11 00:43:20

Thanks Frothy! Yes, I'll be fine thank you, I just need to breathe deeply for a while and let my adrenaline levels die down.

It's just so weird, though, one minute I'm having a perfectly nice normal evening out and the next I feel like I'm running for my life. I bet the guy who was following me has forgotten it already. Probably found another target sad

DontCallMeFrothyDragon Sat 03-Sep-11 00:49:50

sad Make yourself a milky drink, take deep breaths and try to calm yourself. Is anyone there with you?

dittany Sat 03-Sep-11 00:54:36

How horrible MooncupGoddess. Hope you are OK. He obviously wanted to intimidate and frighten you.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dittany Sat 03-Sep-11 00:57:28

It might be worth reporting it to the police tomorrow. At the very least this is a breach of the peace. Do the British Transport Police cover the Tube.

DontCallMeFrothyDragon Sat 03-Sep-11 01:02:04

I was also going to suggest handing a description to the police. You don't have to press charges if you're not comfortable doing so, but I'd say sleep on it and think about what you want to do in the morning. <un mn hugs>

DontCallMeFrothyDragon Sat 03-Sep-11 01:03:56

dittany, I'm pretty sure the British Transport Police cover all public transport. I may be mistaken, but about 99% sure they do cover the tube.

MooncupGoddess Sat 03-Sep-11 01:04:48

Thanks everyone. I love the Hollaback site, had never heard of that before. Some fantastic responses from the women on there.

I'm feeling better now, will go to bed in a minute. This will just be added to my private list of 'unpleasant incidents involving random men'. Guess we all have our own list, don't we?

dittany Sat 03-Sep-11 01:06:53

I just googled, you're right FrothyDragon:


I wonder why they aren't doing reach out to female passengers. I could have done with knowing about them when I was traveling on the Tube in London.

DontCallMeFrothyDragon Sat 03-Sep-11 01:07:58

We do indeed have our own lists. (Mine's mental, but is also more general than just men, but still)

Sleep well, and glad you're feeling better.

MooncupGoddess Sat 03-Sep-11 01:08:53

dittany and Frothy - yes I did briefly think of contacting the police, but 'large white man wearing grey T-shirt' isn't going to get anyone very far, is it? I was violently mugged a few years ago and the police response was 'meh, whatever, we'll send you a crime number' so I imagine this will be entirely beneath their notice, but I appreciate there is a value in getting an official record of these things, for the statistics alone.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DontCallMeFrothyDragon Sat 03-Sep-11 01:13:19

It would be nice seeing them more prominent. I've been quite lucky on the tube (last time I was in London, was just me, DS and 2 suitcases and we got plenty of help) but I know it's not always the case, a MooncupGoddess has shown. Don't remember seeing an police in the tube stations while I was there. At all.

DontCallMeFrothyDragon Sat 03-Sep-11 01:16:13

If you can remember anthing else about him, at all. Anything will help them.

My DBF put a description of her rapist forward a few ears back. She later withdrew the charges (for whatever reason) but her description did help to convict him of another rape.

UMS is right, if you have rough times you were on the trains, and the journey you were on, they should be able to trace him

TheRealMBJ Sat 03-Sep-11 05:07:30

Oh Mooncup sad hope you managers to get se sleep. I agree with UMS , dittany and Frothy. If you feel up to it, they should have some CCTV footage as both the tube and the stations are are pretty well covered these days. Can understand if you think you'd rather just forget about it, though.


MooncupGoddess Sat 03-Sep-11 11:31:20

Right, I've now reported the incident to the British Transport Police as suggested. They seemed very professional and say they'll follow it up with the CCTV.

Agree that they should increase their profile - there are so many public advertising campaigns on the tube, how easy would it be to put up posters saying 'It is your right to be free from sexual harrassment - if you are sexually harrassed on London transport please contact the BTP'? I'm sure most people don't report this sort of thing, I wouldn't have myself if it hadn't been for the MN-ers. (Whom I am very grateful to - I live by myself and it was too late to ring anyone last night, so it was very valuable to have a chance to write out what happened and get some support and sympathy.)

On a happier note, I've just bought the Guardian, whose main headline is 'Anti-abortion bid in disarray as critics rally'. Hurrah!

DontCallMeFrothyDragon Sat 03-Sep-11 11:36:03

I think just making it aware they're there would be better. Most people don't report it, so a big well done to you for doing so.

Are you feeling better today?

That Guardian headline made me smile. I'll have a read on line later.

TheRealMBJ Sat 03-Sep-11 11:53:21

Good stuff. Glad to hear they are going to follow it up.

SybilBeddows Sat 03-Sep-11 20:18:02

hi all. My internet is v intermittent at the moment, sorry.

MBJ - hope trimester 3 improves.
Spoons - how are you? hope you're feeling better.
Mooncup - well done for reporting! You're right, everyone does have a private list of unpleasant experiences sad Hope you're ok today and not still too shaken; sometimes it can take a while for these things to go away.

TheRealMBJ Sat 03-Sep-11 20:48:27

3rd trimester is shit, tbh. I'm fine, baby is fine it's just knackering and I'm not paying DS enough attention, which means he is clingy and needy which pisses me off and causes me to lose my temper sad.

SybilBeddows Sat 03-Sep-11 20:49:16

how much longer to go?

TheRealMBJ Sat 03-Sep-11 21:13:46

6 weeks

SybilBeddows Sat 03-Sep-11 21:30:41

not tooo long then!

StewieGriffinsMom Sun 04-Sep-11 09:11:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mooncup - So sorry to hear about your experience. Awful. I hope you are feeling better.

Posie - hope your issues with your H get resolved soon. It all sounds very stressful.

RealMBJ - good luck with the last 6 weeks! That's only 42 days - less if it's early! (I am a week behind you so the race is on - I say laughingly as DS was 11 days late so you can imagine!)

So, I too have been having computer issues and I come back on to find I have had my first ever deleted post! It is a momentous occasion. I just wish it was for something really juicy not "Isn't it your bedtime" confused. Well now I have broken that duck there's going to be no stopping me grin. After all there appear to be plenty of opportunities at the moment!

SybilBeddows Mon 05-Sep-11 20:50:31

You got deleted for 'Isn't it your bedtime?'? shock

MNHQ seem to be setting the bar low for what counts as a personal attack if so. I wonder how they'll get on with applying that consistently across the board....

TheRealMBJ Mon 05-Sep-11 20:56:16

I think they're just deleting any reported post, tbh.

DS was 8 days early so this one might be too. But I'm hoping not as my mum only arrives on the 10th and I really don't want to have to leave DS with MIL. Which is slightly irrational but, I'm entitled grin.

I was a bit surprised grin. It was directed at one of our less genuine posters, obviously. That thread got a bit of a battering by MNHQ in terms of deletions so mine obviously got swept up with the general thought that we were "attacking" this poster (can't imagine why???).

TheRealMBJ Mon 05-Sep-11 21:06:50

I think I remember it. They are doing my head in ATM but it is like watching a car crash. I can't help but keep an eye on the threads and occasionally posting, although I know it would be in everyone's best interest if we all just ignored them.

But then I wonder if they'd end up agreeing with each other (themselves) and make this look like a MRA board.

DontCallMeFrothyDragon Mon 05-Sep-11 21:12:33

Stupid question time but I cut myself on a tin earlier, quite deeply. Wasn't rusty or anything, but I can't remember if my tetanus shots are up to date. Does anyone know if it's likely I'll need a shot? blush

I'm fucking useless, aren't I?

DontCallMeFrothyDragon Mon 05-Sep-11 21:15:22

Harrumph, he deserved it.

I'm stuck on what to make of one of the posters though. Seems a little more genuine than the other newbies... but what if it's a front?

TheRealMBJ Mon 05-Sep-11 21:18:33

Theoretically you need a tetanus booster every 10 years and if not up to date, if you cut yourself on anything. The deeper to more important to get one.

It doesn't matter if it is rusty or not but whether it is likely to be contaminated with Clostridium Tetani or not. Which a newly opened tin is not.

If I were you though, I'd pop into the minor injuries unit/walk in centre and get one tomorrow. That way you'll know you were io to date.

TheRealMBJ Mon 05-Sep-11 21:19:17

Which one frothy?

SybilBeddows Mon 05-Sep-11 21:21:21

benefit of the doubt I think, Dragon, if we are thinking of the same person. But I was wondering too.

DontCallMeFrothyDragon Mon 05-Sep-11 21:23:26

Thanks MBJ. Useless with these things. Know I haven't had one since high school, at least, and that was 10 years ago.

And Bob. I can't work him out...

TheRealMBJ Mon 05-Sep-11 21:25:54

Hmmm.. I concur about BB.

DontCallMeFrothyDragon Mon 05-Sep-11 21:31:00

Right, I'm off to play LA Noire and swear at the cops on there for being misogynists... Makes the game more fun... grin

Can I just barge in for some hand-holding? PFB just went to nursery/daycare place (right by DH's work). He went 3 days a week last school year, and now he's going 5 days (7.30-3pm). He's 13 months old and LOVES his nursery -went charging in there last week when we popped round. . .
I have got SO MUCH shit to get done today -must prepare everything for teaching tomorrow, must finish the assignment handouts and work through the syllabus and ...

I am sitting here in my pajamas bawling into my tea.

WAH! I don't WANT to be a SAHM and I NEED to finish this dissertation and get my PhD this year and .... working from home when I've had DH and DS in it all summer is going to be a killer. It's so empty. My bayyyybeeee!

<snivels into keyboard in a disgusting manner>

TheRealMBJ Tue 06-Sep-11 13:30:13

<holds hand>
<pats back>
<offers cake>

DontCallMeFrothyDragon Tue 06-Sep-11 13:31:56

<wipes bllackcurrants nose>
<disenfects keyboard>
<wonders if disenfectant frazzles the keyboard>
<holds hand>
<dries eyes>

ok you both made me grin - thank you.

Am going to blow nose now and be very very busy for a couple of hours. "It'll be fine. He's having a lovely time. It'll be fine. He's having a lovely time."
Rinse, repeat, and work like the blazes!

DontCallMeFrothyDragon Tue 06-Sep-11 19:45:26

So, bought DS his new shoes for my cousins wedding today. He attempted to pay for them with a grand total of 58 pence, bless him. grin

TheRealMBJ Tue 06-Sep-11 19:54:51


That is adorable, DCMFD.

DS gets back in half an hour. I have got my syllabus and class plan and assignment sheets and STUFF done. And am not at all pathetically watching the clock and considering making muffins. At all. Honest.

DontCallMeFrothyDragon Tue 06-Sep-11 20:02:15

We know you're not, blackcurrants... wink

Make mine a blueberry muffin please...

I actually miss Birmingham for the sole reason that I haven't seen a Muffin Break anywhere in Norfolk... sad

DontCallMeFrothyDragon Tue 06-Sep-11 20:02:53

PS, well done on a productive day. smile

Banana and oat muffins. As a nod to the Hard First Day back at school we all had, I put in handfuls of dark chocolate chips and a few raspberries. And made peanut butter icing.

They were great. DS didn't eat a lot at nursery, but he did wolf one of these down after his lasagne. He didn't sleep much either. But I'm hoping that tomorrow will be less exciting and new, and things will settle.


and thank you, it WAS a good day, I got lots of work done and when I meet the class tomorrow I will enjoy it. Just need to get through this week, and now we've done today it can only get better. As long as DS doesn't pull one of his "I won't sleep unless you're touching me'' from midnight to 5am, as he did this morning. DH did most of it, but still. yawwwwnn.

giyadas Wed 07-Sep-11 00:37:10

hi smile this doesn't deserve it's own thread so I thought I'd link it here, for those that facebook, if that's ok.
You may know this already but there's a group called TheWatchers on fb which reports offensive fb pages to get them taken down.
I found it on the I bet we can find 1,000,000 proud feminists on facebook page.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

giyadas Wed 07-Sep-11 00:46:56

good idea, will do thanks smile

LilBB Wed 07-Sep-11 07:17:05

Hi everyone.

Mooncup I hope you are ok after your experience on the tube and the police do help you.

Blackcurrants hope you are getting used to your work time. Must be strange to work from home. I could imagine being vert unproductive.

Good luck to those nearing the end of pregnancy. I'm so jealous!!! I'm off work due to bad back and my hip giving up on me. Got a text from the childminder at 1am to say her waters had broken so I get to hobble round and try to look after dd all day. Only 19 week to go for me.

DontCallMeFrothyDragon Wed 07-Sep-11 22:32:49

hmm Now remembering why I stopped watching TV.

Boots adverts.

Couple in bed - Woman: Not tonight, I've got a...
Man shakes paracetemol in her face.

Y'know. Cause her first answer is never enough.

WoTmania Thu 08-Sep-11 19:54:24

I'm going to delurk - Seriously Frothy? that's crap. And playing into the stereotype of men always being up for it but women finding excuses not to unless sex somehow gets them what they want. I'm so glad I don't have TV.

Ugh, that advert makes me fed up.

Thanks for your good wishes, LilBB and everyone - it is odd working from home in some respects, but if I get up and onto my schedule first thing, it can be as useful as going into a library. Often more so. But I do have to concentrate - no cooking, no cleaning, no 'just' putting a wash on. It's easier now DH and DS are out of the house, but ... well whose work is easy, eh? I mean, I'm not down a coal mine or a sewer. smile

DS is adjusting better to daycare, and I have got better about missing him. The first day he came home smelling of another woman! (his carer had clearly been cuddling him in an attempt to get him to sleep during naptime) and when I picked him up I had to work hard at not bawling.

This is why I reject all conversation about 'having it all'. I love my kid. I love my work. I don't really want to do either all the time, and I miss one when I'm fully engaged in the other... anyone who's all "well you want to have it all, you're so selfish'' doesn't get it. But interestingly, I know DH feels the same... and no one judges him on his parenting/work choices!

Mumcentreplus Fri 09-Sep-11 01:32:33

That advert actually makes me laugh..because of you don't feel like it..just be honest...don't make it up..say..I'm not in the mood..a headache makes a person feel it's not because you don't want to have sex..but because you have a physical reason for not having sex...of you don't feel like it be woman enough to say so...

Mumcentreplus Fri 09-Sep-11 01:37:40

Black how young is your child?...

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WoTmania Fri 09-Sep-11 09:55:47

Blackcurrants - interesting what you say about your DH and people's attitudes. I have a friend who is a student MW, her DH stays at home with their children. According to a lot of people she's 'lucky' he is a SAHD and 'lets' her study by doing so hmm. She's had the 'isn't he good' comments becuase he cooks (! shock) every night (even more shock shock shock).
Prior to becoming a student MW she was a SAHM for over 4 years. Did anyone ever tell her DH he was lucky she stayed at home so he could work. Was anyone amazed that she cooked everynight and did housework?

WoT Yep- DH would like to have stayed at home with DS but made more money than me last year, and I was able to go part- time and he wasn't. Now I might be able to land a better paying job than him (touch wood) next year, and he's making noises about perhaps staying home with DS and any subsequent baby, until they're both at school. My mother's response to this far-off-potential-plan? "Oh you can't make him give up his work! He loves it!" ....

It would be me, of course, making him stay home with 2 small children. And not something he'd like, even love to do, because he's great at it.


Oh, MCP he's 14 months old. Why do you ask?

WoTmania Fri 09-Sep-11 15:53:39

Of course, but being a woman you're just naturally better at these things anyway aren't you? hmm
I hate the way the emphasis is on his enjoyment of working ouside the home and the assumption that you (as a selfish female) are forcing him to stay at home. Presumably you enjoy your job too?
Also, no one would question the sense of him being the one to work kas the higher wage earner.

SybilBeddows Tue 20-Sep-11 12:01:58

Bumping for no reason in particular. Hope everyone is well.

DontCallMeFrothyDragon Tue 20-Sep-11 12:17:54

I'm bunged up with teh flu. sad

How're you, Sybil?

SybilBeddows Tue 20-Sep-11 13:11:34

I'm well thanks. Life feels so easy now ds1 has started school - he is loving it and I just have ds2 (the world's most cheerful 23 month old) at home now.
Hope you feel better soon.

DontCallMeFrothyDragon Tue 20-Sep-11 13:28:48

I have a year til DS starts school, and DM isdriving me mad, telling me that, obviously, as DS went to nursery in another city, the council won't know he's here... hmm Glad DS1 is enjoying school. Makes life easier. smile

And thanks. I hope so too. sad

mumwithdice Tue 20-Sep-11 14:27:27

Not sure if either of these thoughts are thread-starting worthy so I will post them here.

I am getting increasingly annoyed with the word ladies as in "Come on ladies" or "Ladies, what is your favorite x?" Why does this piss me off? At a guess, it's because it makes me feel like a rowdy immature sixteen year old- at school (all-girls), our teachers were always saying this sort of thing.

And the other. Are women more assertive when it comes to defending other people's needs? For example, I was never assertive enough when I was trying to do a PhD because it wasn't really important, it didn't help anyone else, it was just for me (obviously, I know this is spurious, it was how I was thinking). However, when it comes to DD, I am far more assertive than I thought I could be.

Is this something women are inherently taught? That they can be assertive as they like as long as it isn't to benefit them?

SybilBeddows Tue 20-Sep-11 14:36:47

yes I think so, like the way women aren't meant to be aggressive unless they're the mother lioness defending their cubs.

ThePosieParker Tue 20-Sep-11 14:39:54

I feel awfully guilty for not doing more with dd who has just started school, she seemed to have gotten the worst deal of my time. Always having a sibling around, all the others have had time with me on their own. She is delightful though and thus far enjoying school. So I'm taking her to the Bath literary festival for children to see an author who write about Esme, a circus acrobat with an ugly donkey for a side kick. Huge imbalance of male/female authors though, as expected.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hello everyone.

It's raining here and DS woke up 4 times last night and so I am thinking of nightweaning but it's going to be more tiring than just nursing him back to sleep, I fear.


Also, don't want to do this big pile of marking. WAAAH!

Anyone lend me some gumption?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DontCallMeFrothyDragon Tue 20-Sep-11 17:21:10

No gumption here, but I have pizza on the way. You can keep your slice though... Don't want it back. grin



Right. Lunchtime walk for dog. Then back here, leechblock ON, and no more MN till I've done the sodding marking. Yes. GUMPTION!

TheRealMBJ Thu 22-Sep-11 06:18:01

Hi everyone. Have been gone from here for ages, am finding it really difficult to deal with sexism and misogyny and terribly difficult to deal with trolls. They seem to be on every thread I click on sad

Anyway, am 36.3 weeks now and am starting to get excited about the baby (and petrified we won't make it to the hospital - which is an hour away shock) DH is refusing to read up about emergency birthing as he claims that he'll 'YouTube it' if and when necessary. hmm

blackcurrants I night weaned DS at around 18 months and although I no longer feed him at all between the hours of 7pm and 5:30am he wakes no less frequently. We only managed because he would accept a cuddle instead of a feed too. An earlier attempt ended in disaster as he wouldn't accept any other form of comfort.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Thu 22-Sep-11 07:03:56

Blackcurrants, we night weaned at around the same age, and it wasn't pretty for a few days but once we buckled down to it, she did start sleeping through. Well, not immediately, if I'm honest, but it did improve immediately, and she started sleeping through more often than not by...eighteen months or so. Bliss.

It only worked by getting DH to do basically all the night wakeups for a couple of weeks, incidentally, so that was pretty good. For me.

MBJ, for some reason I am very amused at the idea of YouTubing emergency birthing. I do realise you are probably not as amused as me, at 6 weeks more imminent than I am, but. Does your DH think that in an emergency birthing situation, most men run for the video camera, and that therefore there will be a lot of options for him to choose from?

TheRealMBJ Thu 22-Sep-11 08:27:31

I have no idea WHAT he's thinking, but I do know that he thinks everything is on YouTube. grin there is however, quite a high likelihood that we will have no mobile phone reception, so even ringing 999 might be impossible.

Can you tell I'm panicking somewhat?

Why, oh why did I not plan a HB?

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Thu 22-Sep-11 09:50:41

Do you not have a landline? How would you ring a midwife for a HB if not?

WoTmania Thu 22-Sep-11 09:59:41

TheRealMBJ - You can plan a homebirth at anytime. They won't properly book you in for one til 36/37 weeks because you're not meant to have them til 37 weeks. Homebirths are fabulous no HCPs trying to get you on the bed and on your back.

LilBB Thu 22-Sep-11 10:39:23

My experience of a hospital birth was not a HCP trying to get me on a bed on my back. She actively encouraged me to keep walking round and get on all fours for examinations. I wouldn't personally have a home birth but you should be allowed to book one anytime if you want. In your situation it sounds like it might be the best idea.

Recently my Dd (3) has got it in her head that there are boys toys and girls toys. I keep trying to tell her she can have whichever ones she wants but people keep agreeing with her. She got a blue scooter recently and loads of people said it was a boys one. Why???? Also had FIL tell me unborn son will turn out gay if I put him to sleep in a sleeping bag that was DDs that has some pink in it. [hmmm]

LilBB if it were that simple to make someone gay, DS is gay already. Also lots of my straight male friends who wear pink must be in danger... I wonder when the pink seeps through the skin and POW! you're attracted to the same sex? There must be some kind of way to test this... with SCIENCE!

God, people like that make me laugh. I always say, surely the fact that LOADS of people strictly colour-segregate their children from birth and SOME STILL HAPPEN TO BE GAY disproves your point.
At which point they mumble.

Oh! Or I say "ooh, it'd be great if he was gay. I'll need someone to keep me stylish in my old age." and then they mumble some more....

(and I know it's an offensive generalization to assert that all gay men are groomed and stylish. . . but I am a weak person who sometimes uses such things. Plus, my GayBestFriend actually IS rather stylish and offers to make sure I don't become a hairy mad old lady - unless I want to - and I always think of a gay son stepping into that 'keep the old woman upright and relatively normal' role...
Aaha, fond imaginings...

Sorry. Massive tangent there.

Oh, and nightweaning apparently isn't the issue. The issue is that DS wants to be touching one of us- preferably me- ALL THE TIME.
So DH co-sleeps with him half the night and I cosleep the other half. Managed to unlatch him last night and therefore get a bit of sleep. The days of sleeping while he feeds are over - too many teeth, too much lazy scraping ...argh!

LilBB Thu 22-Sep-11 14:46:24

It's hilarious isn't it. DH wears pink and purple clothes and manages to stay straight. According to FIL people choose to be gay. I have lots of gay friends who certainly did not make a choice, it's just who they are!! If either of my children are gay it wouldn't bother me one bit and if it bothered FIL then his loss. Is it wrong that I secretly hope DS is super camp and will accompany me to the theatre and dress me? Plus then I would never become an evil MIL who depises her DIL. Maybe I should ask Gok Wan if I can adopt him.