Difficult one - ignore or challenge?

[thenightsky]

I've been pondering (ok, ruminating) on this for a while. Here is the background.

I am member of a motoring forum. There are about 3,000 members of which only about 12 are women. I have recently been made a moderator (the only woman mod they have).

There is one man, one of the founders of the site, who seems to follow me around the board, posting 'odd' remarks straight after I do. These comments are always along the lines of... 'tut, typical woman...hormones my dear?... time of the month my dear?...' He has done it by private message too. He always posts little winks and smileys or devil emoticons afterwards, perhaps to make it appear lighthearted and jocular. It has happened enough times now for it to have been noticed by one of the other male moderators, who told me to ignore him because 'he just makes himself look like a prat'. Another male mod reckoned it was just his way of flirting!

Thing is, he wouldn't/doesn't go round sniping at our gay, lesbian or black members - of which there are a quite a few, so why is he picking on me?

How should I handle this? If I ignore him, will he think I am approving? If I challenge him every time, will he learn it is not acceptable and stop, or just get worse to get a 'rise' out of me? Or am I making too much of it and being a shrill drama queen?

TBH I want to just educate the twat that this is not acceptable and he is making me quite angry. I'm feeling angry again now, typing this up.

Thank you for reading my long moan. Never posted on Fem section before, but lurk continually.

[thefinerthingsinlife]

I would say challenge it and make it known to him that what he is doing is unacceptable.

[AyeRobot]

As you are a mod, you could always delete his comments

Do you have forum rules that cover this sort of thing?

[zikes]

Oh awkward. If he was just a member I'd want to confront and possibly sanction if he didn't desist. As a founder, I imagine he's got some pull there.

I suppose sniping back with 'there goes the dinosaur.. again' or 'back to your cave, captain caveman' etc, trying to embarrass the crap out of him wouldn't be appropriate?

[thenightsky]

It's always comments about 'hormones' though, strange man.

I don't want to get into a slanging match and end up taking threads off topic. I could respond with testosterone comments, but that would take me down to his level. Hmm.

[zikes]

Yawn and rolly eye emoticon ?

[thenightsky]

I have thought of deleting his comments, but then I will get the old 'oh can you not take a joke thenightsky'?

I did piss him off slightly as I removed some links to porn when they first made me a mod

[AyeRobot]

What are the forum rules? Is there a policy on racist comments, for example?

Sad to say, I think that getting the other male mods onside would be most productive with this type of pillock.

[thenightsky]

StewieGriffinsMom I could just put lines through his posts and, underneath, put....

'moderated for sexism by thenightsky'

[zikes]

I agree with AyeRobot there. If that other mod mentioned it, then it must be pretty noticeable, in which case perhaps you could ask that mod to step in and tell him off. He is basically harrassing you.

[thenightsky]

Yes.. the male mod who noticed would be a good person to approach him and tell him to desist. I am pretty sure twatty guy will throw his hands up in horror and say he was being amusing and flirty and I'm just a cat's bum-mouthed bra burning feminist.

So you all think ignoring is not an option then... ?

[Beachcomber]

I second Lenin.

Tell him to stop by PM. Don't ask him, tell him.

Then if he keeps doing it after you have told him to stop a couple of times, you need to take it further.

[thenightsky]

Right... will tackle this by PM tonight.

Funny little story aside... he has organised a camping meeting and got about 10 people saying they would go. Over the last week or so they have all dropped out, one by one, until he is left with about three. He is fuming about this. I was going to say to him, openly on the board...'is it the stench of your testosterone that is putting folks off then?'

I rise above such childness though - at least I try to

Feeling a bit more confident now about tackling him.

[SolarPanel]

Definitely challenge him calmly on the board for all to see.

[TeiTetua]

Can you maybe line up some support from the other men and then politely but with determination say "Fred, this is idiotic, and you've done it far too often"? And if he comes back with a defensive reply, say "Everyone else agrees with me, Fred. Just stop it." And that's the time for your male allies to show up and say "Yes Fred, enough of this. It's not funny." I think his kind of bullying would end very quickly if other men disapproved. Think of Georgie Porgie.

Oops, hope his name isn't Fred.

[thenightsky]

No his name isn't Fred but if his wife is a MNer then she'll know him from the camping story I posted for sure!

[InmaculadaConcepcion]

Any reaction yet thenightsky?

[thenightsky]

Nope.. I posted on a couple of threads this morning, but he doesn't seem to be around. Next sarcky comment from him and he's getting a PM though.

[claig]

Maybe post a reply something like
"are these the hormoans of a dinsoaur?"

[thenightsky]

claig I like the cut of yer jib!

[claig]