Sexist mothers of boys

(72 Posts)
MsLIne Sat 15-Jan-11 08:26:18

Am I alone in being really shocked by the casual sexism of mother's of boys ???

I quote " Because he's a boy he likes a challenge" !! This is from a female lawyer who would be furious if, in her workplace someone said the same about men in the workplace - the inference being, women don't need a challenge !

"it's much easier with boys' only parties" so whilst my daughter is good friends with this boy, her gender precluded her. If It was a 'white's only' or 'blacks only' part - such casual racism would rightly be abhorred.

This spills over to the playgroup ' you can't play you're a girl " !!!

I've told my daughter it's illegal to preclude girls from anything....

Are mother's of daughters also guilty of sexism against boys ?

Blackduck Sat 15-Jan-11 08:29:50

Yes, my ds is best friends with a girl. He was excluded from her last birthday pary as she was having a horse riding party with her girlfriends (clearly boys can't ride horses....) He has also told me the girls call the boys smelly and stupid....

MargaretGraceBondfield Sat 15-Jan-11 08:30:08

I know a woman at school with 4 boys, two are at secondary school. They are grafters, her and her husband do not have a day off together, and both work six days a week. She was complaining about her housework (her housework not the) and so I suggested that her older boys help with hoovering, dusting, washing up....she said that she couldn't ask them to do it because they were boys and they wouldn't do it well enough. WTF?

pagwatch Sat 15-Jan-11 08:30:30

No they are not. Accusing a whole group of women of casual sexism is ridiculous.

I had two boys and then a girl. I parent them broadly the same but I find aspects of over seeing groups of boys different from groups of girls.

Telling your daughter to wave illegality at a bunch of boys over a playground nonsense is chippy and precious.
I suspect most of the boys mums would be very annoyed at their telling a girl she can't play and would deal with it sternly.

MargaretGraceBondfield Sat 15-Jan-11 08:30:44

My DS is having a hard time at school because he's a bit of a looker and gets on with the girls.

Blackduck Sat 15-Jan-11 08:32:41

My point is I constantly tell ds that pink is not a girls colour and that girls and boys can do anything, and then he gets excluded purely because he's a boy - makes me want to bang my head!!

pagwatch Sat 15-Jan-11 08:32:58

Actually that post should start - no mostly parents are rarely involved in girl vs boy issues. The children do it fir reasons passing understanding

Girls can be hideous to groups of boys too

SuchProspects Sat 15-Jan-11 08:58:05

It seems (from my recent, anecdotal experience) that gender roles are enforced on children to greater extent than on adults nowadays.

I think that casual sexism in relation to boys is matched by similar sexism in relation to girls. Expectations that girls will like certain things and behave a certain way are just as prevalent. And I find them equally shocking. I thought we would have grown out of it by now but it seems to be getting worse.

belgo Sat 15-Jan-11 09:00:21

Suchprospects - and the media and fashion industries just reinforce this, with very girly clothing and impractical shoes for little girls, because they are expected to sit nicely discussing barbies and not running around doing 'boyish' things.

That drives me mad.

girlwiththemouseyhair Sat 15-Jan-11 09:00:38

mine is only 2 so yet to come up against sexism, though was involved in a conversation about boy toddler sbeing rougher, tougher and more energetic (read difficult) the other day...butted in with my experience of a very placid easy going little boy which stopped the conversation short.

belgo Sat 15-Jan-11 09:05:00

A friend of mine once admitted to me that having two boys was easy because any naughty behaviour was shrugged off as being 'boyish' behaviour.

BerryLellow Sat 15-Jan-11 09:06:40

I was standing in line at Sainsbos cafe waiting for drinks when an older lady commented to the woman in front of me how nice it must be to have 'one of each' and then waffled the usual stereotypes. They were discussing how boys were so energetic/boisterous/busy and girls caring/thoughtful etc. Cue DS1 (5) comes up to me in the queue (he had been waiting with his brother and DP at a table) and says 'Mummy do you need any help?'. Older lady was shocked, in a nice way, as I serenely pointed out how boys have different characters. Saved me the bother of getting energetic and boisterous at the till anyway

belgo Sat 15-Jan-11 09:09:36

That's a lovely story Berry.

My two year old ds is also very helpful (to the point where he has a little tantrum if he's not allowed to be helpful); my girls are lovely but have never been quite so helpful as ds.

reallytired Sat 15-Jan-11 09:09:42

I think that boys are often victims of sexism. For example people assuming that boys aren't interested in reading, like football or are boisterous.

Prehaps the insitutional sexism in school where boys are expected to fail and lower standards of behaviour are accepted.

Little boys and little girls are individuals. We need to give our children opportunites and worry their about the shape of their genitels.

HellinArcher Sat 15-Jan-11 09:15:05

my ds is always being told by girls that he can't play with them because he is a boy. which is a shame because he is sensitive little boy who likes things like kitchen play, picnics and dolls houses. he also loves jumping on the sofa and running around, as do many of the girls I know.

ather than explicit sexism on the part of their parents, I'd put it down to the usual gender stereotypes which are inculcated in us by external factors, but also seemingly by our own natures. boys and girls very quickly make up their own minds about wanting only to play with their own sex / excluding the opposite sex, not necessarily with their parents egging them on to do so!

Though mothers who let their sons off the housework by virtue of being male are, imo, idiots.

MargaretGraceBondfield Sat 15-Jan-11 09:29:33

Doesn't the OP mean SOME mothers of boys?

belgo Sat 15-Jan-11 09:29:33

Hellinarcher - how old is he? I have noticed that boys and girls seem to play together up until the age of five, but not after that.

ginhag Sat 15-Jan-11 09:32:02

OP perhaps you should say 'SOME mothers of boys that I have met' rather than such a ridiculous sweeping generalisation.

Otherwise you are likely to piss quite a few of us off.

MargaretGraceBondfield Sat 15-Jan-11 09:36:21

belgo...My child is eight and he's having a small bd party for his ninth, only four for a slepp over and ice skating, he wants two girls and two boys!!

HellinArcher Sat 15-Jan-11 09:42:38

belgo, he's nearly 4. Of course, he does often play with girls too, but I have noticed that recently he talks more about being able to do something "because" he is a boy.

I imagine that sort of "my gender is better" chat comes from girls as well - but as I don't have a daughter I don't know for sure. Does anyone have a daughter who has said "I can't do xx [that I would really like to do], because I'm not a boy"? ds sometimes says he won't do something because he's not a girl but that's something he doesn't want to do. Usually, sadly, involving the colour pink. (He doesn't get that idea from me.)

belgo Sat 15-Jan-11 09:43:33

smile obviously I am making sweeping statements, totally disproved by the two following posters!

oranges Sat 15-Jan-11 09:47:03

what I find ridiculous about this is if my 4 year odl ds plays with a girl, adults often mak commnts like "oh look, h has a girlfriend," or "aah, they are falling in love."
Totally inappropriate and hardly sends off a message that you can have lots of friends of the opposite gender. hmm

MsBinbag Sat 15-Jan-11 09:47:20

When I had two boys I found that mothers of girls excluded us from parties, trips to the park etc. Presumably this was in the belief that the boys are rough (the only conclusion I could come to).
Now I have a girl and the boys are at school I am being invited all over the place.
It will be my sons having to face this kind of sexism from the girls being brought up by these silly women.

amberleaf Sat 15-Jan-11 09:50:03

reallytired good post.

As a mother of 3 boys i have been very frustrated at the sexism towards boys within education.

Normal behavior deemed as bad behavior, a need to run around and boysterousness [sp] to be fair lots of girls like to play in this way too but in my experience boys will be told its wrong or naughty and pulled up over it.

I think its potentially v damaging to be instilling in generations of future men that they are bad for just being.

BelleDameSansMerci Sat 15-Jan-11 09:57:55

Hmmm... I suspect that many are guilty of putting their children first and unknowingly reinforcing gender stereotypes.

There is quite a bit of obvious gender preference on here. Some mothers of boys get very steamed up about things like girls going to Scouts, etc. And does anyone remember the 10 yr old boy in the Women's changing room thread?

Then some mothers of girls can be quite precious too.

I try to be gender neutral and we invite girls and boys to all our parties etc but I can see that as DD gets older (she's 3 but has friends up to 5 years old of both sexes) that may change.

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