If there is such a thing as a ''sisterhood'' why do I find that so many women are mean to me?

[poshsinglemum]

I do want a sisterhood and I have some lovely female friends but also some women have been very mean to me.

This seems to be to do with sexual competetiveness and in relation to men.
I've had married women comment about my single status (hate the word spinster) and some of my single friends have competed with me ruthlessly when a man was in the equasion.

I find that when women get jealous they can be quite cruel (hard hat on).

Men can also be pretty vile at tikmes.

My question is; If sexual competetion is inevitable can there really7 be a sisterhood. i know that the patriarchy puts impossible beauty ideals on us but as one of our prime reasons for being here is to mate; isn't it natural to compete for men?

[poshsinglemum]

sorry typos

[poshsinglemum]

It's not also to do with men either. It's to do with wealth, houses, friendships with other women. As you may guess; I'm having trouble with my female friends at the moment.

[breathtakingben]

My question is; If sexual competetion is inevitable can there really7 be a sisterhood. i know that the patriarchy puts impossible beauty ideals on us but as one of our prime reasons for being here is to mate; isn't it natural to compete for men?

It's natural to compete for men, but that doesn't mean there can't be a sisterhood (or a brotherhood)

Women are people, and people aren't perfect, therefore some will be mean/nasty/cruel, etc.

[poshsinglemum]

It's natural to compete for men so how can that be compatible with a sisterhood given that the aim is to therefore be better than other women which in our society means slimmer, prettier, richer etc?

I have also read queen bees and wanabees which explains the cruelty of girls' cliques. Do these cliques form as a result of patriarchy or in spite of patriarchy? I am interested in how women use relations aggression if only as a means to protect myself.
The quuen bee in such cliques for example conforms to the feminine ideal of being pretty, rich,fashionable sporty etc etc.

[poshsinglemum]

queen bee

[ElfPantsAtMidnightMass]

Did you have a thread like this before?

I'm sure I remember posting that feminists say there should be a sisterhood, not that there is one now. With a feminist hat on I'd say that the patriarchy doesn't want women to get along and talk to each other and collaborate, lest they realise that they are fully sufficient and don't "need a man" to walk them worthwhile. Patriarchal ideal is one woman to every man, in a little house, on her own, with no adult company, and a suspicion of what other women are up to (watch Desperate Housewives for details).

Feminists try to break down the things that get in the way of a sisterhood - the idea that we should all comment negatively on each other's appearances for instance, the refusal to give other women credence when they say they have been beaten or raped, the looking on other women as "the competition" for male attention.

It is inevitable that "competition for a man" will form some part of our lives, if we're straight. But the time spent actually around men we might conceivably be interested in, but have not yet formed a relationship with, with other single-and-interested women around is probably a pretty small percentage of our total lives!

In total it's probably been about 3 months of my life where I wanted to get together with a man and there was another woman wanting the same man. But even then this didn't really get in the way of "the sisterhood" because it was an individual issue. And like BTB says - women are people and they can't all get on.

[ElfPantsAtMidnightMass]

walk them worthwhile? I mean "make them worthwhile".

Have you seen Mean Girls which is based on this book?

There's a great scene where Tina Fey's character talks to all the girls in the gym. (about 4.45 in)

"There's been some girl on girl crime here"

[poshsinglemum]

i do love women though; i just get sad when other women see each other as a threat.

[ElfPantsAtMidnightMass]

Cos the sisterhood is like a kind of utopia - it's not here yet. The important thing is that you don't do it yourself as far as possible. :)

[panettoinydog]

I do not believe that any significant grouping can be made on the basis of sex alone. People must be treated as individuals.

Men can be mean, women can be mean. There you have it. Stop expecting that all women are evr going to approach any issue in exactly the same way. We are individuals before we are any collective grouping.

[poshsinglemum]

I know I'm being a bit sexist here. I am just saying for arguments sake.

I truly believe that if we are secure in ourselves as women and feminists then we will succeed in forming a supportive sisterhood. I am also aware of the ways in which the patriarchy tries to undermine our efforts.

[panettoinydog]

Who is this 'we' you speak of? Every woman? All the women you know? 50% of women?

It ain't going to happen.

[scottishmummy]

sisterhood is a myth.only need to peruse mn to see that.one cannot expect shared values based on gender alone.daft ti seek it or assume it

factors such as
class
education
socio-economics
lived life experience
attitudinal beliefs
all shape us and may offer clues to compatibility (and incompatibility)

is bitty daft when someone rocks up on a thread and gives it oi what about the sistas.shouldn't we stick together,blah blah

we all have different experiences,gender may have commonalities but that isnt same as a shared common ethos

[scottishmummy]

not all women are the same,not all feminists are the same.the flaw in your logic is the global "we"

[sobloodystupid]

I'm lucky enough to have some experience of sisterhood. I've a renewed respect for my mother and have at least two very dear friends whom I deem true sisters... I think that as I get older, I'm more generous or tolerant of other people's flaws so I'm not so "out there" as I was in my 20's. I have found though that at least some of my (female) colleagues demonstrate the most anti feminist attitudes regarding work, childcare, housework, you name it.

[walkinginaWUKTERwonderland]

I find myself agreeing the SM, there's what 3.5Billion of us, people are more likely to form allegiances to smaller groupings than that.

[walkinginaWUKTERwonderland]

Not the SM, obv - sorry

[fluffles]

i don't know what a 'sisterhood' is or means i'd like to understand.. but i just don't.

i have friends of both sexes, i would stick up for a woman if i witnessed sexist behaviour or talk but that's about the only application of 'sisterhood' i can think of and i know many men who would stand up against indvidual sexist incidents.

i am feminist as a politics, but in my private life i mix in very mixed-gender or even masculine circles.

[ShoppingDays]

Sisterhood - and brotherhood - do exist between people who are kind to each other and don't behave ruthlessly.

However there are also women and men who are pushy, competitive and willing to trample over anyone who is in their way.

I don't think it's just a gender thing, and it's not limited to any one aspect of life.

[StoodAProleyCattleShed]

For me sisterhood means trying not to be part of the (gender inequality) problem, it's as simple as that. Since my femmo consciousness was raised I find that I view other women more sympathetically in general. I'm less likely to be bitchy/judgey about other women. I feel more of a connection with other women, more of a sense of solidarity even if it's totally unspoken, or if the woman is someone I don't know and have never met. So for me sisterhood is more a politicised way of behaving and thinking than a literal solidarity, iyswim.

[scottishmummy]

i dont have a preference for either gender,so sisterhood is misnomer

[walkinginaWUKTERwonderland]

It's hardly a misnomer for those who do identify more with women though.

Proles that's an excellent point.

[scottishmummy]

well obviously that your pov,but given there is no automatic global uniformity of opinion,my opinion is sisterhood is myth and misnomer

[walkinginaWUKTERwonderland]

Doesn't have to be global though.

[orangepoo]

It's a shame, but there is no real sisterhood.

In general, I like other women and I get on well with them. However some women are truly nasty, selfish and spiteful (thinking particularly of the one that decided having sex with my DH whilst I struggled at home with a 1yo and a 3yo was a good idea). Following this incident, I can't ever trust other women and I will never partake in any sisterhood. I only really trust my family, regardless of sex. (Let me be clear that my DH is a total scumbag for having the affair and in no way am I suggesting she caused it - but she consented to sex with him, so is lacking in humanity as she knew about me and and the kids).

[bitter emoticon] !
Don't trust anyone now!