Mumsnet Talk

My friend's ds turns 4 this month. For the party, she's ordered cupcakes rather than one big cake, and each child will get one in their party bag, along with a few other bits and pieces:

- pink, heart cupcake for girls, with tassly/glittery pen and notebook, little bag sweets & choc buttons

- pirate cupcake for boys, mini telescope thingy, little bag sweets and choc buttons

I am somewhat to admit that I didn't say anything to her, but I was really a bit shocked. Why can't they all have the same cupcakes? And even she admitted that the mini telescope thingys were really cool - so why can't the girls have them too?

I can see that some things would be more appropriate for girls/boys (actually, the only example I can think of off the top of my head is hair clips - I suspect that most boys would not be interested in getting them in a party bag (I might be wrong, though)), but really, why different cupcakes and why don't the girls get the "cool" gift?

I do a Piñata so people can choose - ds2 loves bracelets and hairclips. He is 3, btw.

Both of my boys love glittery pencils.

If they're the telescope pirate thingies from Tescos, we had them at ds2's party.

He had a pirate party, so there was a hunt for a treasure chest with two teams, and the winning team gave out the pirate loot - telescopes, squirt guns etc.

And then there was a cheap Piñata - the kind which is a cardboard box with strings to pull as littlies can't whack them anyway.

This had sweets and stationery and bits and bobs.

Everyone chose what they fancied.

When they have boy/girl gifts in McDonalds or Burger King, the boys' ones are always more interesting.

Wow. Personally, I can't be arsed with making up two different party bags - it's 50% feminism, and 50% pure laziness.

because the boys would all wither and die if they had notebooks, or the girls would grow adam's apples if they got telescopes?

I wouldn't bother, it seems mad.

Exactly! Why do it? WHY?
My ds would also be delighted to get glittery pens or notebooks.
Actually, he'd be delighted to get any bit of free tat done up in a party bag, which is surely the point?

But even more than the toys, I was annoyed about the cakes - WHY?

No.

what an interesting thread.

aaaargh @ the different cupcakes.
my dd shamed me by having a huge tantrum at a party because she was given a boy's party bag because they got the numbers a bit wrong and her party bag had 'boy Lego' in it. (Bloody generous to put Lego in a party bag at all, I thought....)
At the local soft play area where they do parties, they have the option of pirate theme and princess theme. DD is often the only girl at the party because she is in a class with only one other girl in it, and a couple of times the mum has very considerately arranged for it to be 'pirates and princesses' so she doesn't have to be a pirate. Which leaves me torn between gratitude and feminist despair....

I've always just done the same because its easier to give them out, and you dont need to worry about 'mixing up' or uninvited extras being the 'correct' gender

I didn't do cup cakes but I confess I did do boys and girls bags, also tailored depending on the age

Agree - totally barking.

Like the cupcakes idea though.

Right, this pirates and princesses thing....

Pirates - robbers on sea basically

Princesses - overprivileged rich women.

Are boys inherently poorer, more maritime or trainee muggers?

Are girls somehow richer, with a family history of beating other people up?

There were many women pirates, though.
And few male princesses.
So it's easier to have a pirate party for both sexes.
Although you could just have a chivalric party or something - a mediaeval party where the boys read poetry to the girls - it might not be particularly palatable for those of us posting in this section.

Actual pirates were not always the nicest people, but for children the idea of being outlaws, beyond the reach of manners and rules, is quite appealing.

I'm all for dressing up as pirates/royals or whatever (in fact where I come from dressing up as pirates is practically obligatory...) - it's the idea that dressing up as one is somehow for boys only.

And god knows I've seen enough portraits of men dolled up in their pearl-studded riding jackets and what have you to know that preening is hardly restricted to female aristos.

I just find it bewildering!

My dds would've much preferred the pirate stuff. I do gender neutral party bags (toy animal, colouring stuff and sweets in the last one) through sheer laziness really.

It's not like mums of girls will need to invest in another costume - princess dress + bandanna = pirate.

Is mine the only dd who was dressing as Elizabeth Swan in a Jack Sparrow costume without the wig?

It really does seem like the princess/pirate diichotomy is another way of ensuring boys and girls are continually given the message they are different and have nothing in common.

My ds1 loved dressing up as Prince Charming, and now loves 'being' prince Caspian, so he'd not mind being a prince at all.
But if it's called a 'princess' party, that's not exactly asking for boys to dress as princes - it kind-of makes it sound as though they're not welcome at all.

Don't mention Prince Charming, TBE! <slips back into Adam Ant addiction>

Quite right though, prince and princess party would be nicer. What about a highwayman party?

won't the icing get all squashed in a party bag?
The kids don't care whet the cakes look like anyway.
IMO party bags should contain sweets full of e-numbers and non gender specific cheap plastic tat.

A dandy highwayman party would probably be great!

I let the dc decorate their own cupcakes and guess who used all the pink glittery decorations...

For TBE

DS1 could definitely pull that off.

hmm, if my ds1 was invited to a princess party he would quite happily go as a king or a knight, and I'm sure there are many boys who would like to go as dragons. Come to that, it would be quite fun as a girl to turn up as a dragon too.

That is awful! I genuinely thought everyone just filled the bags with some bubbles, a pen and a pad all topped up with e numbers organic raisins.

It wouldn't ever occur to me to make them boys/girl bags - in fact I spent more time than strictly necessary making DS's party bags gender-blind by ensuring some girls got blue pads and some boys got pink pens! Was that reverse social engineering? Am i equally culpable by trying to un-gender them?

I do slightly different party bags in that they have the same stuff but if there are stickers, they are geared towards each child as parties are still very small at the moment.

We're going to a 'knights and princesses' party this weekend. DD is going as a knight. DS is a dragon.

I do cupcakes and get the kids to decorate their own at the party. Clouds of edible glitter is mighty popular with both sexes.

I did "Ben 10" and "non-Ben 10" bags at DS's last party, as he wanted a Ben 10 theme and I knew that several of the guests had no interest in Ben 10 whatsoever. I knew that by and large the boys would go for Ben 10 and the girls wouldn't, but also that there would be some opting the other way, and both sets of bags were unisex.