3 children and working full-time

(19 Posts)
Alwaysinahurrynow Sun 24-Apr-16 17:32:24

Pregnant with no3 and the number of other mums/colleagues/people who have gone 'well you'll be going part-time/staying at home now, won't you?' is starting to genuinely drive me mad. Why just because it wouldn't work for you/you wouldn't want to do this, is this an acceptable thing to say? I'm starting to come up with increasingly sarcastic responses. Sorry a bit of a rant but it is 2016 not 1956.

AndNowItsSeven Sun 24-Apr-16 17:36:02

Don't see what the year has got to do with it. People are probably just wondering why you would want to pay out lots of childcare when you might be in a similar financial position not working and your DC get the benefit of a sahm.

Alwaysinahurrynow Mon 25-Apr-16 07:39:29

The year was in that in 1956, it was more unusual for women to continue working after they got married and very unusual after having children.

I didn't want this to be a sahm v wohp debate and that is why it was not phrased as a judgement on other people's choices. It's more the assumption that for some reason despite already having two children and working full-time, the third would change this. People already say I'm 'brave' for working full-time with two which irritates me.

GlitteryShoes Mon 25-Apr-16 07:47:32

Fair play to you. I would think for a lot of people the childcare costs would make working untenable with 3 - and the practicalities make being a SAHM more likely, but I don't see why it's anything to get offended by. I don't think it's anything about dated attitudes, just about the expense of and practical issues of having 3 children.

poocatcherchampion Mon 25-Apr-16 07:50:04

A few people have said it to me too - I was confused and decided that they must know how much I love my babies and also think they are cute grin

Our childcare is fixed regardless of number of children - nanny

Ilovenannyplum Mon 25-Apr-16 07:53:10

I only have one and work 3 days.
I can just about afford childcare for the 2 days he goes into nursery and be able to make any 'profit' from working if that make sense.

You're fortunate that you're able to afford to pay childcare x 3, to some people the childcare costs outweigh what you actually bring home from working so it makes no sense to work.

personally I'd like to win the lottery and jack it in completely wink

Sunshine87 Mon 25-Apr-16 07:55:41

I currently had my DS3. Childcare for two children wouldn't be worth me working even if my DD was in half a day in nursery she would still need collecting. The job I currently do is 5 hours a day around school time to collect the eldest who's 7 so it's all a juggling act. My DH has set shifts 7.30-4.30 so it only leaves me to do the school run. Prior to having my newborn my parents had DD but due to ill health unable to have two under 5. I do think it's common that many mums after a third may struggle to return to work.

Sunshine87 Mon 25-Apr-16 07:58:29

My friend has just put her notice in after having third child. The only way I could work is if I found a job in the evening which I would consider once maternity leave is up. But then it's a struggle to find a job that would fit with our home life.

pitterpatterrain Mon 25-Apr-16 08:09:42

Has your DP been asked if he is going part time / going to give up work? wink

Alwaysinahurrynow Mon 25-Apr-16 08:17:16

pitterpatterrain no, of course, not and that's half the reason it bugs me. No-one asks the men who work with three plus children if they are giving up.

AStreetcarNamedBob Mon 25-Apr-16 08:19:59

YANBU. My husband has 3 children and works. I have 3 children and work.

This is just mindless sexism and would piss me off too

pitterpatterrain Mon 25-Apr-16 08:51:46

Yup. Sorry to sound so trite but as streetcar says I would agree it is mindless sexism and completely frustrating

Salene Mon 25-Apr-16 12:29:47

It's just a assumption due to cost I would think

To have 3 kids in full time childcare I'd be £3000 a month

Quite unrealistic for most

pitterpatterrain Mon 25-Apr-16 13:16:25

But why assume the woman is the one who stops even if due to cost?

Salene Mon 25-Apr-16 15:23:40

Well I assume because more often than not the woman prefers to stay at home with kids if given the choice. Doesn't suit everyone but I would imagine it's still more common even today to have more stay at home mums than stay at home dads if you looked at statistics in the uk.

Obs2016 Wed 27-Apr-16 07:58:25

I don't know why this bothers you. Facts are facts.
Majority of employments don't cover the cost of 3 children's childcare.
Many women would still prefer to stay at home with their children, if they could.

So, you have every right to not do either of these things, and just as much right to not WANT to. But come on, have the common sense to recognise it's not the norm.

<<disclaimer, none of these apply to me, I don't have 3 kids and I chose to work part time,the idea of staying at home fills me with dred, but this is just me personally>>

Obs2016 Wed 27-Apr-16 07:58:31

I don't know why this bothers you. Facts are facts.
Majority of employments don't cover the cost of 3 children's childcare.
Many women would still prefer to stay at home with their children, if they could.

So, you have every right to not do either of these things, and just as much right to not WANT to. But come on, have the common sense to recognise it's not the norm.

<<disclaimer, none of these apply to me, I don't have 3 kids and I chose to work part time,the idea of staying at home fills me with dred, but this is just me personally>>

AStreetcarNamedBob Thu 28-Apr-16 07:36:32

obs using your argument of "facts are facts"....

In the uk black people are statistically more likely to commit a crime than white people. They account for 2.7% of the population but nearly 14% of the prison population.

Would you be arguing against the op if she was black and someone said to her "well I guess you'll be committing a crime soon then will you?" I'm quite sure you wouldn't then be saying i don't know why this bothers you. Facts are facts

The point is that stupid sexist or racist stereotypes are rude/harmful/unacceptable.

DollyDilly Fri 29-Apr-16 12:05:48

I pay 800 for the 3 for childcare until 6 every day. I know plenty of working mums who work full time.

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