If your dh said you didn't need to go back to work would you?

(44 Posts)
lexyloub Thu 11-Jun-15 17:09:22

On Mat leave at the minute with dc3. After Dc1 I didn't go back to work and ended up having 5yrs off in that time dc2 came along. I got back into employment when dc2 was almost 2.
I loved being off with them but was ready to go back to work when I did. I work locally and although it's no glamorous job it's easy enough & I like the people I work with.
I've decided to take some extra unpaid maternity leave (mainly because I don't want to go back for the Xmas period) DH has told me I don't need to go back to work if I don't want to he's happy to support us financially we managed easy enough last time we can do it again.
I'm totally unsure what to do I absolutely love being at home with them and I dread to think how I'll cope working with 3 dc to get ready for school cook tea etc, however I like having that bit of extra money that's mine (not that dh would ever say I couldn't have any money) & I'm worried about getting back into employment again if I have another career break.
Any advice welcome?

BitchPeas Thu 11-Jun-15 17:10:44

How about part time? One or two days a week just to keep you in the loop?

PonderousTortoise Thu 11-Jun-15 17:32:07

I would go back to work. If it's too much, you can always quit, apply for PT, look for something else, or look for more help with the children.

Otoh, if you don't go back, then find out that being a FT SAHP to 3DCs is not what you want to be doing, it is not so easy to just find a job.

QuiteLikely5 Thu 11-Jun-15 17:35:43

I would say keep your foot on the career ladder and your sanity!

3dc are a handful!

Yorkshiremummyof4 Thu 11-Jun-15 17:57:57

Depends what you do. I've been a stay at home mum for 9 years. My youngest goest to school this September. I've always kept a few bookkeeping clients on. I also enjoy running the school pta and helping with admin for other charities. Trust me if I'd ever realised I was going to become so I'll i would have made much more of the years when I was mobile. If you're worried about getting bored do a day or two a week, but enjoy you're children while they're Young if you can.

ggirl Thu 11-Jun-15 18:07:04

I chose not to go back to work and was sahm for 5 yrs with both children , so pretty much 10yrs ..I totally regret my decision

StopShoutingAtYourBrother Thu 11-Jun-15 18:11:13

I'd encourage any woman to keep their hand in the door and work even if part-time for all sorts of reasons but it's a very personal decision.

purplemurple1 Thu 11-Jun-15 18:14:27

Financially we can live on either one of our wages but we have both choose to return to work once dc1 turned 1yr and we both will when dc2 turns one. We've both worked pt for the first yr with each child.

Iggi999 Thu 11-Jun-15 18:14:37

Why do you phrase it as your dh's decision?

lexyloub Thu 11-Jun-15 18:18:56

I do part time now but still over 5 days plus I have to work every Saturday which is non negotiable which is playing a big factor. I could probably do 3 days but would need to work 9-6 on a Saturday making Sunday my only day off with the oldest dc

Iggi999 Thu 11-Jun-15 18:19:40

..the way you write about money makes me ask

lexyloub Thu 11-Jun-15 18:21:04

It's not his decision but he's giving me the option to stay home again if I wanted to. If only I could take 2/3yrs mat leave and then go back

lexyloub Thu 11-Jun-15 18:23:25

Of course it's about money why else do people go to work???

ScottishDiblet Thu 11-Jun-15 18:27:16

I don't really earn that much after childcare but I LOVE working. We see it as an investment in my career. I work 3 days a week. It's the perfect combination for us in our family (one DD, aged 2).

forago Thu 11-Jun-15 18:27:36

if my DP told me he was giving me the option to do anything I'd tell him where to go to be honest. I'd go back at least pt in your position I think.

PonderousTortoise Thu 11-Jun-15 18:33:17

So you would like to be working in 2-3 years time?

Would you like it to be in the same or similar job? Or would you re-train/try for something different if you had the chance?

Maybe thinking about how you would like things to be in 3,4,5 years down the line - imagining how old all DCs will be etc. - and then working out how you get there will help you see your options from a different angle.

Canyouforgiveher Thu 11-Jun-15 18:35:37

if my DP told me he was giving me the option to do anything I'd tell him where to go to be honest

But surely one partner in a relationship doesn't just give up work without at least talking to the other partner. I would not be impressed if my husband thought he could give up work and live on my earning without at least asking what I felt about it. All the dh here has done is said to his spouse that he is fine with either decision. You could hardly expect him to think his opinion was irrelevant.

Op, I would go back at least part time if I were you. I worked for the money when I had 3 small children but also for meeting people, keeping my cv going, etc. Also I found that I needed to be more flexible/spend more time when my children got to age 9+ especially in the teen years. Because I had built up my working life I was able to be flexible then (company knew me etc).

DevaDiva Thu 11-Jun-15 18:36:59

If we were very comfortably off yes I'd stay home, otherwise I'd try to find a part time role that didn't include weekends.

Having said that I love my job and if either of us was going to stay at home it would be DH as I earn more grin

forago Thu 11-Jun-15 18:41:42

exactly, we'd discuss it as equals. He wouldn't "give me the option" to do it (nor I him) because he's not my boss.

yetanotherdeskmove Thu 11-Jun-15 18:42:43

Working isn't at all just about the money for me. I toyed with not going back after dc2 as we could afford for me not to, but I'm so glad I did. I'd be a terrible sahm, 3 days in the office makes me a much nicer person.

lexyloub Thu 11-Jun-15 20:02:41

Forago he certainly isn't my boss we have discussed it equals but ultimately the final decision lies with me. I suppose the weekend working is where my issue mainly lies I feel my working in my current job would be at the detriment of my family life. 3 days during the week would not be an issue however I guess these jobs are hard to come by.

ggirl Thu 11-Jun-15 20:06:51

Working keeps me sane , I was not happy as a sahm no matter how many committees and other stuff I was involved in.
It is def not about money (obviously helps though ) but it is important to me that I am contributing financially regardless if we need the money or not.

Ragwort Thu 11-Jun-15 20:11:11

Would it be difficult to return to work after a break? I was a SAHM for 12 years - loved it, no financial worries at all, no feeling that I couldn't spend what I wanted from our joint bank account - BUT circumstances change & I needed to return to work and although I have found a part time job, the money is shocking compared to what I used to earn.

If you are prepared for that - then stay at home but in hindsight I wish I hadn't given up on my 'career' job.

Azquilith Thu 11-Jun-15 20:14:44

I'd like my DP to stop work and look after DC1 and DC2 on the way. Would make my life easier. He said that I'd keep his bollocks in my purse if I could so I took that as a no.

lexyloub Thu 11-Jun-15 20:15:06

I certainly haven't got a 'career's job

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