Would you go away without your DC on their birthday?

(54 Posts)
Pennies Mon 07-Oct-13 19:44:18

We have been invited to a very glam and exciting sounding weekend which will be incredibly good fun. The trouble is is that it's a whole weekend away from Friday morning until Sunday evening and my DD's 8th birthday will be on the Friday. We can't celebrate it the week before or the week after due to other things already in the diary and then it's Xmas and New Year.

Would you go or not?

VBisme Mon 07-Oct-13 19:45:16

No, at 8 they won't understand that mummy and daddy have something more fun to do.

whattodoo Mon 07-Oct-13 19:46:21

I'd celebrate DD's birthday with her on the Friday. Then join the glam weekend on the Saturday.

Ragwort Mon 07-Oct-13 19:46:39

Depends grin - do you have much loved grandparents or aunts/uncles/friends that could make it a really special weekend for her?

Doinmummy Mon 07-Oct-13 19:47:50


No I wouldn't

Department Mon 07-Oct-13 19:48:28

I did (work) for ds2's 5th-we just moved his birthday and he was none the wiser. Doubt you could get away with that at 8 tho!

BrianTheMole Mon 07-Oct-13 19:48:56

No I don't think I would.

FlatsInDagenham Mon 07-Oct-13 19:49:02


Pennies Mon 07-Oct-13 19:49:17

Grandparents could step in but she's really going to not have much of a celebration because they're not up to hosting any kind of party or friends over.

I can't really go on the Saturday because the main event is really on the Saturday morning and I also have to fly to get there. It's a bit of an all-or-nothing thing.

cherrytomato40 Mon 07-Oct-13 19:49:52

Ooh that's tricky... we missed DD's 4th birthday as we went to a wedding, but as she was only 4 it was easy enough to 'move' her birthday to the day before and she never knew... she also had a fab weekend with her grandma!

I guess it all depends on how your DD feels about it and what she will be doing if you're not there- will she still be able to have a celebration with her friends or other family members?

Chubfuddler Mon 07-Oct-13 19:50:00

No. Never.

2kidsintow Mon 07-Oct-13 19:50:01

Nope, sorry.

Pennies Mon 07-Oct-13 19:50:16

I'm glad everyone's saying no because DH thinks I'm being a party pooper by suggesting that we need to decline.

ajandjjmum Mon 07-Oct-13 19:51:01

No I wouldn't at that age - sorry. I'm normally the first to go away without DC, but not on their birthday.

LoveSewingBee Mon 07-Oct-13 19:51:08

Of course not.

My dd's birthday is more important to me.

whattodoo Mon 07-Oct-13 19:52:21

If you can't join the weekend later, then no I wouldn't go at all.
Particularly if you've got other stuff on the weekends either side which will prevent you celebrating early/late.

NachoAddict Mon 07-Oct-13 19:54:06

No not a chance. Maybe if they were a toddler and their birthday could be moved but probably not even then.

dsd's mum did though on dsd's 4th birthday. She went to a lovely log cabin for the weekend.

mrsseed Mon 07-Oct-13 19:54:15

Ummmm we just half did that..dd1 was 8 on friday, dh went away friday lunchtime (albeit work related..but he doesnt usually work weekends).and isnt back for few more days. He saw her in morning, we did presents night before and grandparents came iver for weekend.
Not sure I would have done it for a jolly though

iwantanafternoonnap Mon 07-Oct-13 19:54:49

why can't you do it on the Thursday and get her an extra gift?

Pennies Mon 07-Oct-13 19:55:38

We would be there in the morning for prezzies but not back until early Sunday evening.

marriedinwhiteisbackz Mon 07-Oct-13 19:55:48

I don't know why you are even asking. What's more important to you; your daughter or a weekend? Only you know the answer to that.

no not a chance

WhereMyMilk Mon 07-Oct-13 19:56:16

No, just no.

Bowlersarm Mon 07-Oct-13 19:56:34


I love social events as well. And if she was 1/2/3 I would say go. But at 8 she'll be aware.

Pennies Mon 07-Oct-13 19:56:52

She wants to go to Harry Potter World which is is really a whole day thing isn't it so Thurs isn't an option because of school.

defineme Mon 07-Oct-13 19:57:59

If you really want to then I would celebrate big style on the Thursday...after school restaurant with friends and party games or go bowling or whatever she would like. Then big present (including maybe some experiences so days out to look forward to) on the Friday morning before school. Pack bag with treats/dvds for Grandparents and maybe a low key trip out that they could manage for the weekend?

I'd sell it to her that you are here on her birthday morning and that's what counts.

I am going to a gig on my ds's 12th birthday, but that'll be after the party tea with grandparents and he'll have a sleepover with his friends the weekend before.


DurhamDurham Mon 07-Oct-13 20:00:29

I would so want to go but wouldn't do it. I would not have fun knowing I had left my child to have fun without him on his birthday. Just doesn't seem right.

stillenacht Mon 07-Oct-13 20:01:29


defineme Mon 07-Oct-13 20:01:47

But she can have a nice meal out or something on the Thursday and go to Harry potter world 2 weeks after?

My boy girl twins often do something a couple of weeks after if it's a big trip out--sometimes they do separate things so it's not possible to fit them all in on the 'right' weekend.

I don't think it's that awful, but I do appear to be in the minority!

5madthings Mon 07-Oct-13 20:03:35

Nope, dp has to go away for ds1's bday with work every yearand it's crap, ds1 hates it and so does ds1 so I would never choose to be away on their bdays.

Floggingmolly Mon 07-Oct-13 20:03:46


Mintyy Mon 07-Oct-13 20:04:47

Do you really have to ask?

TooTabooToBOOOOO Mon 07-Oct-13 20:05:25

No it wouldn't even cross my mind. It's one day a year.

I'm sure you being there in the morning would be great for her - make her know how special she is, erm no actually it won't she will wonder why her parents would rather spend her birthday without her.

My mum is 56, she still talks about her 9th birthday when she was handed a Mud LP and watched as her parents buggered off camping for the weekend, leaving her in the care of her older sister. It hurt her and she says she can still remember the upset now.

I am gobsmacked that, work commitments aside, anybody wouldn't spend the day with their child.

Ireallymustbemad Mon 07-Oct-13 20:06:54

No, I wouldn't go and leave my 8yo on their birthday either.

TooTabooToBOOOOO Mon 07-Oct-13 20:07:25

actually in '66 it probably wasn't Mud, buggered if I know which band it was though

darkdays Mon 07-Oct-13 20:08:53

Absolutely not, how selfish!

BoffinMum Mon 07-Oct-13 20:10:35


Your child will get the impression you don't give a shit.

DSM Mon 07-Oct-13 20:11:46

Yep. And I have done. As long as you celebrate another day I don't think it's a big deal.

I didn't see my mum on my birthday from age 9-30!

We don't make a huge fuss over birthdays anyway, maybe that's why it's not an issue for us but I find the whole 'special day' thing kind of cringey.

AcrylicPlexiglass Mon 07-Oct-13 20:11:50

No. Definitely not. I couldn't bear to miss one of my children's birthdays and 8 is a great age!

fatmumjane Mon 07-Oct-13 20:20:26


Hulababy Mon 07-Oct-13 20:23:53

No I wouldn't chose to miss DD's birthday.

Hulababy Mon 07-Oct-13 20:27:20

See, I have no issue with parties and special treat days, etc being before or after the actually birthday. But I still couldn't miss the actual day with DD unless it was essential for me to go away. There is, for me anyway, something special about the actual day itself - presents in the morning, more when they get home from school, special birthday tea with cake...

usualsuspect Mon 07-Oct-13 20:29:12


Chubfuddler Mon 07-Oct-13 20:32:00

While they are still children and the choice is mine, I would choose to spend the anniversary of the day I have birth to them with my children. It really is that simple.

NotScared Mon 07-Oct-13 20:32:48

No. DS1 is 16 and still remembers exdh going to London on a trip for one of his birthdays.

KatyPutTheCuttleOn Mon 07-Oct-13 20:32:49

Hell would freeze over before I would go.

SoonToBeSix Mon 07-Oct-13 20:33:06

No definitely not.

flipchart Mon 07-Oct-13 20:34:30

Not at 8.

I was away for DS's birthday this year though but it was his 17th!!

RevelsRoulette Mon 07-Oct-13 20:35:33

I wouldn't. Not at that age. Things like that matter to kids.

notanyanymore Mon 07-Oct-13 20:36:31

No way!

capercaillie Mon 07-Oct-13 20:37:30

No. And I've had that situation twice. The first time was a weekend when DS birthday was on the Sunday. The 2nd time it was his birthday on the Monday - I decided it would be odd not to see him the day before (he's only 6) and in the end, that was the day we had a family party. When he's a bit older, then I might but not until he's a teenager. And possibly not even then.

EverybodysStressyEyed Mon 07-Oct-13 20:39:13

I remember my dad being away on my 11th birthday. i was gutted but i was work and i knew he would rather have been with me

the way I see it, you probably have a max of 16 birthdays (prob less!) where their birthday is a special family event and they actually want you around on those days. That's 16 days out of many many years.

Of course if birthdays aren't a big deal in your family (like DSM) then that is a different matter.

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