If you knew two colleagues were having an affair?

(30 Posts)
showtunesgirl Sun 15-Sep-13 20:44:48

Right so I know for certain that two colleagues of mine are having an affair. She is single but he is not and has just come back from a romantic holiday with his live in girlfriend. hmm

How on earth do I go about pretending that I don't know and continue work as normal?

Tailz Sun 15-Sep-13 20:57:51

Does the fact they're having an affair impact on their jobs at all ie is it a Manager and one of his/her team?

In my experience it's fairly common (I've always worked in v large organisations and seen it a lot), in the end, you learn to ignore it.

showtunesgirl Sun 15-Sep-13 21:00:49

Yes she works for him as do I. I sit opposite him and she sits on my right hand side.

It's also a very small company and I cannot imagine this NOT getting out. I myself found out via the company email as due to the nature of our jobs, we are all check each others inboxes. I mean honestly, how stupid can you be to use the company email to carry on!

VerySmallSqueak Sun 15-Sep-13 21:02:19

I would just make myself keep my nose out.

Bitter experience tells me not to get involved.

showtunesgirl Sun 15-Sep-13 21:06:10

Very, do you mind sharing what happened in your case?

Itsallveryscary Sun 15-Sep-13 21:07:29

We have 3 x couples at work having affairs. All are married, all have DC. My skin literally crawls with repulsion everytime one guy in particular comes and talks to me. He often tries to discuss his wife and DC with me (just general chit chat about their weekend and stuff, not dissing his wife). It takes all my self control not to scream at him.

idiot55 Sun 15-Sep-13 21:08:49

Try and turn a blind eye, hopefully it will sort itself out, either way and you can move on.

showtunesgirl Sun 15-Sep-13 21:08:50

YY, how do you bite your tongue?!

Bowlersarm Sun 15-Sep-13 21:09:25

I wouldn't do anything. Unless I knew their partners personally, I would consider it none of my business.

VerySmallSqueak Sun 15-Sep-13 21:10:02

In a group of friends I told girlfriend of one that he was having an affair. She got very very upset. Group friendship was in shatters (and was never repaired) and she went back to him anyhow. No one was impressed with my actions and I got a hard time.

KatOD Sun 15-Sep-13 21:10:48

Yep they're bloody stupid and deceitful people.

Stay well out and icily professional.

sarascompact Sun 15-Sep-13 21:12:03

I wouldn't do anything. How would it benefit to do anything? It's not my business what other people do in their private or sex lives. It would be a different matter of course if you were overlooked for promotion in favour of the mistress when you were clearly the better candidate but unless something like that applies where you are directly affected then there's no reason to do a thing.

cantthinkofagoodone Sun 15-Sep-13 21:12:28

Playing dumb? 'so how long have you two been seeing each other then?' as though it isn't an affair. Or asking her about her love life lots etc

Tailz Sun 15-Sep-13 21:12:43

I can ignore it most of the time but then come half term/summer holidays and the people in question bring their kids to the Office and parade them up and down playing the proud parent role, it does become v hard to bite my tongue!

showtunesgirl Sun 15-Sep-13 21:14:08

sarascompact I DID say in my OP: How on earth do I go about pretending that I don't know and continue work as normal?

That was my question, not what should I do about the affair itself!

Bowlersarm Sun 15-Sep-13 21:17:15

If neither one of them brings it up with you, why should you bring it up with them? There is no need is there, unless they talk to you about it? How well do you know them both? Do you socialise with them?

30ish Sun 15-Sep-13 21:18:10

I'm in the same boat. Very dear friend and colleague who I work closely with. Everyone at work knows. It's at least the 3rd time he's done this. Dear friend knows she's the latest but doesn't seem to care. His wife has no idea. I feel so guilty each and every time I see her and their children. It makes my working relationship with him very uncomfortable.

sarascompact Sun 15-Sep-13 21:19:47

Sorry. blush What I meant was that you just do. You continue work as usual just as you would if a colleague came in and said that he'd had a Chinese meal over the weekend or you'd discovered he goes to baseball games in his spare time or read an email and found he had piles! You carry on as normal because you rationalise it, reminding yourself that it's something which is as irrelevant and unimportant to you as baseball supporting or meals out, just another of those boring facts you know, until and unless it actually affects your employment and security.

showtunesgirl Sun 15-Sep-13 21:24:08

Thank you sarascompact that's great advice. I will just try to compartmentalise it away.

I know I can't get fired for knowing about it but I have a feeling that if it DOES come out, our main boss will ask me if I knew about it and it might get a bit uncomfortable.

Thing is, can I get in trouble if I know that they are abusing company time / resources and don't report it?

showtunesgirl Sun 15-Sep-13 21:26:30

I also think she's very stupid. The managers here travel a lot and my old work friend and I have played a game before where we have made suppositions as to how many have played away / paid for it whilst on "business" as it's the perfect alibi as they are legitimately away.

After finding out this, I would bet money that he is the camp that has done this.

His job is also great for getting away with this as he can just claim that he has an overnight trip somewhere which does genuinely happen.

AcrylicPlexiglass Sun 15-Sep-13 21:33:12

It is quite common, I think. Don't worry about it. It's their problem. Why don't you tell all your friends at work at juicy gossip time and then you won't have to worry about keeping it a secret? Or do you like one or both of them?

Varya Sun 15-Sep-13 21:35:22

I would do nothing and say nothing. Happens quite often where I work and its always best to look the other way IMO.

showtunesgirl Sun 15-Sep-13 21:37:27

AcrylicPlexiglass, I actually quite liked both of them. sad Now I kind of feel rather contemptuous about the pair of them.

I actually wouldn't get a chance to gossip as she is kind of Queen Bee at lunchtimes.

meditrina Sun 15-Sep-13 21:37:48

It's none of your unisex resonantly.

But it is highly unprofessional, especially if he has any say at all in appraisals, bonuses or promotions. Do you have an HR department? They won't care about the fact of the relationship, but they will care about fairness and transparency in line management. They need to know about this.

meditrina Sun 15-Sep-13 21:38:53

"It's none of your unisex resonantly" DYAC gone wild!

It's none of your business personally

showtunesgirl Sun 15-Sep-13 21:41:25

Well yes, the Head of Department that oversees all of us would listen to him regarding appraisals etc but I don't think he would be saying anything bad about me as I good at what I do there. Also there's little chance of promotion as it's a very, very small company. From their emails, I gather she is looking to go in about six months anyway so I guess I will just ride it out til then!

We have one HR lady and to be honest, I don't want to raise it with her as she will no doubt raise it with the Head of Department.

showtunesgirl Sun 15-Sep-13 21:41:58

I preferred: It's none of your unisex resonantly. grin

Idespair Sun 15-Sep-13 21:47:15

It's very common (but disgraceful). Shameful behaviour from both of them, him obviously cheating on his wife and her showing a complete lack of humanity.

1) Do you know the man's wife - are you friends with her?

2) re you worrying about your main boss - if they are legitimately away on business and are shagging each other whilst away, that isn't actually costing the company money or time. Presuming that the co will have paid for hotel/meals anyway and they will not be at it during business hours. So have you any reason to think that they are abusing company money/time?

If no to both, you don't need to feel conflicted in completely ignoring this affair.

showtunesgirl Sun 15-Sep-13 21:51:34

1) No, I don't know his girlfriend.

2) Sorry I don't think I was clear. I am saying that he can use the excuse of: Oh I'm away on business to his girlfriend to then go and shag the girl from work in a hotel. I know about the hotel stuff as that's the email that I stumbled upon on the company emails!

showtunesgirl Sun 15-Sep-13 21:52:01

And I know this happens but I'm still sad at how common this seems to be.

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