Have a baby now, or risk not being able to?

(42 Posts)
EsmereldaBelle Fri 02-Aug-13 00:07:13

I am 20y/o and diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure. Doctors say one of my ovaries has completely stopped functioning and the other is deteriorating. So my fertility isn't great and likely to get much worse, pretty quick.
DP and I have been together 4 years and we both want children desperately, but my health has put my in a position where we need to decide if it will be now, or risk not being able to in the future.
DP is in a very stable full time managerial position. Finances are also very stable, thanks to generous family over the years.
What would you do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

ShadowMeltingInTheSun Fri 02-Aug-13 00:17:01

Is there any reason why you don't want to have children right now?

It's just that you've given lots of reasons why you want children now (you both want children desperately, stable finances, DP in stable job, declining fertility), but no reasons why you might be thinking of putting it off. So I'm not clear on what kind of advice you're after?

But FWIW, if I'd had your diagnosis, and was in a financially stable place and a stable relationship with a man who also wanted kids, I'd probably try for a baby sooner rather than later.

Theironfistofarkus Fri 02-Aug-13 00:19:29

I would have a baby. Much is made of the burden of having children young but there are advantages too- you will still be young when your children have grown up and you will have more energy than the older mums.

EsmereldaBelle Fri 02-Aug-13 00:21:27

I just feel at 20 I'm a little young to be a mama, I'd of like to have waited at least another 5 years, but I'm now scared that in 5years I won't have that option open to me...

Vagazzled Fri 02-Aug-13 00:28:06

Which do you feel you would regret later in life? Having a child earlier than planned or not being able to have had a child?

InMyShreddies Fri 02-Aug-13 00:32:04

Definitely go for it now. I know too many women in their late thirties struggling to conceive and you are lucky to have a man who both loves you and is willing to have a baby younger than is possibly ideal nowadays! Don't waste a minute thinking about it, get shagging woman grin

Also, life doesn't end once you've had a baby - the first year or so is pretty intense but after that you can pretty much do everything you did before. You might not want to, but that's a whole other thread. You can still have a career, travel, have fab holidays, nights out, go camping, have lazy summer BBQs... life is just enhanced by having little mini-me's toddling about alongside smile

Wahla Fri 02-Aug-13 00:33:35

Ah pish! There is nothing you can do in your childless 20's that you can't do in your childfull 30's, 40's, 50's etc other than convincingly getting away with wearing hotpants, perhaps, it just takes a bit more planning and determination.

20 is young but not a baby. There are benefits to being a young mum and in your circumstances I'd be ditching the contraception pronto.

EsmereldaBelle Fri 02-Aug-13 00:37:48

Ahh guys your all so nice! This is my first post on mumsnet so wasn't sure how this would go! My other concern is that my grandma is VERY 'traditional' she wouldn't talk to my cousin for a month after she got married in a castle instead of a traditional church, can't see her being too happy about her youngest granddaughter having a pre-marital baby haha! confused

I had my kids young out of medical concerns as well and it really went well for us. First year/baby-mode is fairly intensive though has it's own perks, and now that I have that behind me, I feel great moving forward in other areas of my life as well. Hope the best for you, our older family members are quite traditional as well and were a bit shocked a tfirst, though not as much as when they found out we had eloped.

Dahlen Fri 02-Aug-13 10:51:11

In your position I'd go for it. As long as you are mature enough to cope with a baby there are many advantages to having a baby younger - your energy is much higher and you're still young enough to really go for an exciting career once your child is old enough in a way that doesn't really happen for women who leave it til their mid-30s.

Edendance Wed 07-Aug-13 17:11:58

Do it! I'm sure most women don't feel ready at any age! You would massively regret it if you left it too late, don't miss that chance.

badguider Wed 07-Aug-13 17:15:13

It soundsike it matters a lot to you so I think you should do it now.

I wasn't sure at all so was ok with leaving it till my late 30s and also unsure about a second at nearly 40 but you sound so sure you want children that you should try when the odds are greatest.

Good luck.

NatashaBee Wed 07-Aug-13 17:22:40

You say you feel like you're 'too young' but in terms of stability it sounds like you're a good way ahead of most people your age. If the worst happens and you were unable to have your own child, would you be willing to consider donor eggs/adoption/surrogacy? All those things are very difficult, stressful and not necessarily successful. I would go for it now if I was in your position.

JohFlow Wed 07-Aug-13 17:35:58

Have you considered talking to a fertility specialist to see if they can harvest your eggs and 'freeze' them until you are ready to make your decision? So long as the rest of your equipment is working; you may be able to conceive later.

CoTananat Wed 07-Aug-13 17:59:32

I would have the baby now.

In fact, no, I didn't do that and it was a mistake. But had I known then, I would have had the baby.

NomDeClavier Wed 07-Aug-13 18:27:43

I would do it. At 27 I have a 2 year old and 1 on the way so pretty close to your 'planned' age and I don't think I was much more ready at 24 than 20 and again don't feel much more ready at 27 than at 24 other than ticking the degree and marriage boxes.

Littlefish Wed 07-Aug-13 18:30:35

I think you should go for it now, and also consider having some eggs frozen for future use.

mrsravelstein Wed 07-Aug-13 18:30:51

i would definitely do it.

sillyily Wed 07-Aug-13 23:33:13

I had ds1 at 18 and definitely felt too young at the time... However, I am now 22, I have two kids, bought 2 houses, in my ultimate dream job that people envy (mwhaha) and am marrying my 'childhood sweetheart' in 4 months :D no stealth boast intended- just showing how age doesn't really mean much if you have the right attitude etc smile u sound like ur v stable which is a lot more than lots of people so go for it! grin

MortifiedAdams Wed 07-Aug-13 23:37:24

Just think, theyll be 18 and you wont even be forty so perfect to revisit your 20s self with little to no responsobility!! id do it.

PearlyWhites Wed 07-Aug-13 23:40:09

I had my first baby at twenty I had much more energy than when I had ds age 34. I would try now op or you may very much regret it.

expatinscotland Wed 07-Aug-13 23:41:09

Have the baby.

BrianTheMole Wed 07-Aug-13 23:43:56

Now.

redwellybluewelly Wed 07-Aug-13 23:45:35

Have the baby. A case of if I knew then what I know now

For me it was waiting to find the right partner, I kissed a lot of frogs put it that way but my children have brought me happiness and I'm so pleased I have them both.

absentmindeddooooodles Wed 07-Aug-13 23:46:59

I had a very unexpected baby at 21. I wouldn't change it for the world! I didn't feel ready, felt I was too young etc, and was not in a stable position. But you grow up bloody fast when you have your own child. It is totally worth it and I'd definatley go for it!

solarbright Wed 07-Aug-13 23:47:26

If you want babies, then better early than never. Go for it.

witchofmiddx Thu 08-Aug-13 16:21:53

Never felt the need to respond to a post as urgently as this one. Have your baby/babies right now

Fairylea Thu 08-Aug-13 16:25:47

I would have the baby now.

I had my first baby in my early 20s and my second in my 30s.

It was much easier in my 20s for a million and one reasons! Although I love both my dc.

At 20 your baby will still be old enough for you to go on and do things when youre 30s.

I wouldn't even hesitate in your situation. I too have fertility problems.

Jenny70 Thu 08-Aug-13 16:26:57

I would speak to a fertility dr - storing embryos might be wise if you want a sibling down the track... or they may have drugs to 'switch on' your ovaries temporarily.

But ivf rates are low for a take home baby, so another definitely saying do it now - but speak to dr about future options for sibling or if you have problems.

How was it discovered, if that's not too personal to ask?

Softywife Thu 08-Aug-13 19:55:56

Another saying go for it! Good luck!

orangepudding Thu 08-Aug-13 20:03:23

Have a baby now.

I had my first at 23 though I first got pregnant at 20 but had a miscarriage. I have no regrets about having children early.
I am now in my mid 30's and find it hard breaking seeing friends my age going through fertility treatment.

EsmereldaBelle Tue 13-Aug-13 14:35:04

Thank you ALL for your kind words and input on my situation.
We have decided to start TTC asap.

Jenny70 - I was going to the doctor for very irregular and painful periods and my doctor discovered via blood work that i had very uneven hormone levels, so went for ultrasound and tests and was diagnosed with POF. Been very hard but keeping our fingers crossed!!!

possum18 Fri 16-Aug-13 16:00:21

HAVE THE BABY!!!!!!

imip Fri 16-Aug-13 16:08:29

As a mum who had four dds in her late 30s and doesn't regret the decision, I say have a baby now :-)!

Luckily you know that you have fertility issues. I second the poster who said to speak to a specialist as I would also look to freezing some eggs just in case.

I understand you feel young, you are young! However, you can do all those things you wanted to do when your babies are a little bigger. Surround yourself with family to help you out and good luck!

InMyShreddies Fri 16-Aug-13 19:19:39

Yay! Can this be your live POAS thread? wink

lagertops Tue 27-Aug-13 23:47:47

OP make sure you post back on this thread when you have success grin

EsmereldaBelle Wed 28-Aug-13 22:50:18

Hello! I annoyingly decided to start TTC the day after my most fertile day last cycle so having a really long wait to find out if we've had any luck since, seems like forever. Ovulated today and been getting down and dirty most days for a few weeks now (sorry for tmi but these early days are still exciting and fun)
I shall keep y'all up to date with POAS smile

Hope you are all well :D

EsmereldaBelle Sat 31-Aug-13 23:16:58

TTC this month, but a bit unsure on when to test? Cycle is 28 days, ovulated on the 29th (day 15) so am I right in thinking I can test around 10th of September? Thanks guys smile

DaleyBump Sun 01-Sep-13 19:52:23

Sorry, I'm totally rubbish with working out cycles but just wanted to wish you the best of luck flowers I'm 18 and expecting my first in November, I know what you mean about feeling too young to be a mama smile

EsmereldaBelle Sun 01-Sep-13 22:32:53

Hi Daley! Thank you so much! Congratulations, November babies are the best (I was one) wink

InMyShreddies Sun 01-Sep-13 23:42:13

Yay some down and dirty action grin Test the day after your period is due is my advice - don't test before your period is due, it's just not very reliable, so if it's negative you need to test again later anyway, so may as well wait. Best of luck - let us know either way, fingers crossed!

EsmereldaBelle Mon 02-Sep-13 12:04:25

Thanks Shreddies!! Period due on the 11th, this 2ww stuff doesn't half drag on hmmhmmhmm

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