An affair

(40 Posts)
Mistykit Sun 28-Apr-13 20:15:05

Would you want to know if your other half had an affair?

EmmaDale Sun 28-Apr-13 20:17:10

Do you mean that they had an affair whilst they were in a previous relationship or had an affair at some point during your relationship?

kinkyfuckery Sun 28-Apr-13 20:19:53

If they were having one? Yes.
If they'd had one in the past and everything was completely all over, done and dusted, and I wasn't at risk of STI, hmmm maybe not.

Mistykit Sun 28-Apr-13 20:20:23

During current relationship.

AnyFucker Sun 28-Apr-13 20:21:33

Absolutely, yes

Why do you ask ?

EmmaDale Sun 28-Apr-13 20:21:55

Thank you for clarifying - yes, I would want to know. Would you not want to know?

Yes I would want someone to tell me, I'm not sure I would be brave enough to tell someone their partner was having an affair though.

colleysmill Sun 28-Apr-13 20:23:32

This has happened to me in the past and although at the time I didn't believe it, I think I would yes.

Twas the first hint for me I should get out, although it took longer to actually go.

Mistykit Sun 28-Apr-13 20:24:41

The affair is done and dusted. Their other half recently asked me if it had happened. I denied it. She wanted an honest response. I feel sick and so I should. He will do it again with someone else.

Mistykit Sun 28-Apr-13 20:26:26

Do I man up and tell her I slept with her husband. We all have a lot to lose if I do. Them, a relationship and me, my friends

AnAirOfHope Sun 28-Apr-13 20:28:08

I would want to know. If she asked you then she already knows so i would have been honest.

AnAirOfHope Sun 28-Apr-13 20:30:15

I would call her and tell her, dont do it face to face. That gives her the chance to hang up if it gets too much and you cant see her cry.

AnyFucker Sun 28-Apr-13 20:31:11


You should have told the truth. It is the very least you could have done.

So you had an affair with your friends husband?

Denied it to her face, and you know he will do it again with someone else?

Does your husband know? (Assuming you too, are married)

I don't mean to be blunt, it wasn't all that clear to me from your posts whether you'd done the cheating or been cheated on.

penguinplease Sun 28-Apr-13 20:32:56

I have just recently discovered my now ex had an affair. Lots of mutual friends knew, witnessed some of it and never told me. I feel angry and humiliated that not one of my so called friends told me.

Do the right thing, if you're brave enough to do the deed without a second thought then you deserve the consequences.

Mistykit Sun 28-Apr-13 20:33:58

No, I've never met her. She found me through mutual friends and emailed me.

No, I'm not married.

And yes, i do expect abuse on here for it.

Email her, call her or text her and let her know. You owe her that much at least. She will be thinking she is going mad, looking for things that she now thinks aren't there, she probably even apologised to her husband for doubting him.

If there is a fall out then so be it, that should have been thought about first, at least this way she won't unknowingly waste the next however many years if her life on the tosser.

kinkyfuckery Sun 28-Apr-13 20:35:21

If she asked, she wants to know. You should have told her. You still should now.

penguinplease Sun 28-Apr-13 20:35:39

I agree she already knows, this is what I did. I do hope you are not the same woman!

kinkyfuckery Sun 28-Apr-13 20:36:41

Why are you concerned about losing your friends? Are they involved somehow?

Mistykit Sun 28-Apr-13 20:38:09

I know I should tell her and I'm psyching myself up to do it shortly; hence my post. I hope to god she hasn't apologised to him

Tell her. Don't be a coward.

Mistykit Sun 28-Apr-13 20:38:55

Because they were his friends first.

AnyFucker Sun 28-Apr-13 20:39:41

Are you still fucking her husband ?

Mistykit Sun 28-Apr-13 20:40:22

I would rather pour hot wax on my face than go near him again

AnyFucker Sun 28-Apr-13 20:40:55

He dumped you then ?

You should tell her yes.

I don't particularly think you should expect abuse on here either, you're not married, and whether you knew he was or not, is not the point.

Many moons ago, I unwittingly became the OW. I engaged in a relationship with a man I had no idea was married. He used to come and stay at my flat 2/3 nights a week, we spent most weekends together and I never had an inkling at all.

When I found out he was married I ended it immediately. Months later she contacted me at the pub I worked at and asked me if I'd slept with her husband. I denied it thinking it was best to protect him, but then I figured he'd lied to me, he'd lied to her, and he would do it again.

I called her and told her everything. Now as far as I know they are still together and have since had a DC, but that is their choice. At least I know she knows the truth.

Hassled Sun 28-Apr-13 20:47:15

I'm glad you do realise you need to tell her - but don't waste time trying to psyche yourself up; you'll never feel ready. You just have to get on with it.

Mistykit Sun 28-Apr-13 20:49:12

The affair naturally came to an end due to circumstances.

AlfalfaMum Sun 28-Apr-13 20:51:11

His betrayed wife obviously does want to know, having gone to all that trouble to find your email address etc. She deserves the truth.

Mistykit Sun 28-Apr-13 20:53:02

I don't care about protecting him. He doesn't deserve that. She seems so lovely that I'm finding it incredibly difficult to tell her.

Chubfuddler Sun 28-Apr-13 20:54:55

Nobody wants to know their husband is having an affair.

They deserve to know the truth though.

kinkyfuckery Sun 28-Apr-13 20:55:45

Are the 'friends' her friends too?

I'm guessing it was a fairly long-standing affair! When did it end?

GirlOutNumbered Sun 28-Apr-13 20:58:55

Yes, tell her.
I was the gf of a serial cheater and 'everyone' knew about it. I was so hurt that people didn't tell me, even some friends.

I finally figured it out myself, but I wasted nearly two years on him.

soundevenfruity Sun 28-Apr-13 21:06:21

No, I wouldn't want to know.

The wife has asked you, and requested an honest answer.

So it doesn't matter a flying fuck whether any of us would want to know. She does.

OrangeFootedScrubfowl Sun 28-Apr-13 21:56:39

If I didn't want to know I would not go looking for answers. This wife is asking you. Be honest.

Shutupanddrive Fri 10-May-13 16:24:07

Agree that you should tell her

currentlyconfuseddotcom Sat 11-May-13 22:47:01

You should probably tell her - she might feel like she's going mad at the moment

currentlyconfuseddotcom Sat 11-May-13 23:02:24

Oops this is an old one, isn't it...?

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