How do you share Christmas etc?

(11 Posts)

Since myself and OH have been together we've done Christmas at his parents house with his cousins, aunt, uncle, sister, BIL, their three children and his grandparents. Christmas was my Dad's thing and since he passed away there was only mum and I left and we found the whole thing upsetting. Anyways, since my DD was born we had her first Christmas with my mum at his family's house. It wasn't great for mum, tbh. She didn't enjoy it at all. The children were just so naughty and acting up (as usual) and no one really had anything to say to her or made much of an effort. It was all inside jokes etc. This Christmas is Mum's first Christmas with her partner of over a year and a half and since this is daughter's second Christmas, Mum has this new vigour for it. She asked us if we could have a Christmas dinner with her. I had to say no because my OH's mother would have a breakdown but I said maybe next year (giving OH's mother a whole year to get over it). It breaks my heart to think of Mum having no family for Christmas though. I said to DH that maybe we could split all holidays up between families. He said it would really upset his Mum and wasn't for it. She has every holiday - Christmas, New Years, Easter and two family-Christmas get together that we have to attend even though he doesn't get on with all but four of his extended family. Last Easter, I said I would love to have an Easter meal with my Mum but a week before Easter, was informed we can't because his Mum ALWAYS does Easter dinner. I don't get on with his family much since my DD has been born and I resent this idea that DD and I are merely meant to fit into his family and traditions. I thought getting engaged and having a baby meant we were making our own family hmm . Just want to know how do you all split your Christmases? Trying to come up with a resolution here.

agapanthii Tue 30-Aug-16 20:44:40

Usually we stay at home. Sometimes we invite relatives to join us. Sometimes we get invited to go to them. But mainly, there is NO RULE we have to live by. We decide what suits us at the time and we've been careful to never get into any pattern of always or even alternate. Take control!

LaBelleVie Tue 30-Aug-16 21:05:27

Would love to stay at home but we'd have to invite everyone and we have neither the room or the want. I'm trying to take back control but they seem to think I'm being spiteful. OH's mother is the master of guilt trips also.

northernmonkey1010 Mon 19-Sep-16 23:52:03

Your OH needs to grow a pair and put your mum first for once!

TinklyLittleLaugh Tue 20-Sep-16 00:08:33

We stay at home for Christmas. DH's family (and assorted random friends) come to us.

We tried going to my Mum's once when the kids were small and it was a disaster, my sister is the golden child and her children the golden grandchildren. On Christmas morning my parents actually left my kids in the middle of their present opening to go to my sister's house and watch the golden grandchildren open their presents. We were left wondering why we'd bothered to drive for five hours with a car load of kids and presents, just to sit there on our own.

I invited my family to ours the following year and was told that they liked Christmas in their own house. Well so do we, so if you won't put yourself out why should we.

So yeah, we stay at home and are welcoming to all comers. The older DCs are now young adults in relationships but as yet will not contemplate Christmassing elsewhere. I imagine there might be a few squabbles ahead.

We have Christmas breakfast with my IL's. They come to ours for bucks fizz yummy food and peasants. We used to go to them but after DS2 was born it made more sense for them to come here - Plus they like that Christmas morning excitement with the kids.

It's just my parents by themselves on Christmas day (in-laws have a huge family and lots of invites) so we go to theirs for lunch. It may sound unfair to DH but he loves my dads Christmas lunch, mainly the roast potatoes which my dad makes a big fuss about for him. grin

We stay there until the kids get sleepy then head home, get them to bed and snuggle up watching movies, drinking wine and munching all the leftovers we have been sent home with.

I appreciate this only works because we all live within 15 minutes from each other.

In your situation, I would not hesitate about going to your mums. She has had every holiday and needs to suck it up.

Can she come for breakfast/you go to hers as a compromise?

Presents not peasants. hmm

We give the peasants out on new years. grin

Your MIL has had every holiday.

Jesus, too much vino I think.


Sosidges Tue 20-Sep-16 01:54:58

I think it is really important to stand your ground, we spent years trying to please everyone, but when we finally put our foot down, surprisingly after a few complaints we got to do things our way.

I have 3 adult children and have always told them they are to do their own thing around these holidays. Parents who insist on doing things 'their' way are very selfish in my opinion.

wayway13 Tue 20-Sep-16 02:05:48

This makes me irrationally angry. Your poor mum! Your mil is selfish and your dh is spineless. Take it in turns. It's your mum's turn fgs.

Jimbob1 Sat 24-Sep-16 09:12:41

I would be making a stand. It is unfair on your mum +(and you) to miss out because his mum cannot accept change.

We spend xmas day at home and go to my parents boxing day.
I would love to spend it with my parents but they live an hour away and have alot of people round. I want my children to be at home with their toys not in a car for 2 hours so we stay at home and go see them boxing day.
In-laws are not really bothered about xmas but sometimes come for xmas dinner.

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