My daughter had her T shirt peed on at Holiday Club

(17 Posts)
Kione Thu 25-Aug-16 13:33:54

So, she is signed for just two weeks at Holiday Club. I must say this is a rural place, she has been before and she knows some of the kids attending, and she knows the carers. Mid this time there where a few new carers.n This Holiday Club prides itself on being quite adventurous and a bit feral, they get away with things others don't like they have a real fire pit on the play area, they play with hammers and nails, etc. all under strict supervision of course. Their moto is "better a broken bone than a broken spirit".
So, wednesdays is a wet-day where they play with water balloons, guns, etc. DD was asked to get chenged into spare clothes before they started playing. he forgot her T-shirt on the loo. So two girls (younger sister of her class friend) and another one, both younger than DD; put it down the toilet, flushed it and peed on it. My daughter was told by someone else what happened and she was very upset when she saw her T in the toilet. She told the carers but they did nothing about it. Just took it out and put it in a bag for me to take home. At pick up time the girls were right next to us when DD was telling me what happened so I told them "that's not a very nice thing to do" in a stern voice. One of them gave me a massive grin??
TBH I was in a rush and too gobsmacked to say much, but now I want to tell the manager.
Now, I am pregnant and VERY sensitive, very anxious for a reason and struggle to confront people. My DP says we should wait until tomorrow, her last day, and then send a complain email.
But I am not sure what to put on the email?? I really don't even know where to start. That they should care, that they should speak to the kids parents, or the kids at least?
Am I overreacting being shocked of two 5 year old doing that and getting away with it?
Thoughts appreciated.

insancerre Thu 25-Aug-16 13:45:06

The carers did do something
They took it out and gave it back to you. Many people would have just left it and not put their hand down the loo

How do you know they didn't say anything to the girls or their parents?

What would be the basis for your complaint as I'm struggling to see what you want to happen now

Of course it wasn't a nice thing to do but some children do not very nice things, I'm afraid

MrsJayy Thu 25-Aug-16 13:49:56

I would be fuming the carers sound feeble but that is probably to do with the right on attitude and not supervising ferel children get your money back complain to the organisers it sounds horrible and to relaxed your poor dd

Kione Thu 25-Aug-16 13:50:40

My DD said that the carer did not say anything to the kids. If this is not true it would be her first lie.
I don't know what is the basis of my complaint but I feel its wrong for the kids to get away with it. At least they could be told that to do that is not right??
I am sure this would have never happened at school for example, and if it did, the teachers would talk to the kids.

Kione Thu 25-Aug-16 13:54:18

MrsJayy at least you understand how I feel. Not sure about the money back (and it is certainly not cheap) but certainly they need to know?

insancerre Thu 25-Aug-16 13:58:24

They may have spoken to the children separately away from the other children and your daughter may not be aware of it having happened
I expect the manager does know.
I think the staff will have reported it to the manager

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard Thu 25-Aug-16 13:59:06

This Holiday Club prides itself on being quite adventurous and a bit feral, they get away with things others don't like they have a real fire pit on the play area, they play with hammers and nails, etc. all under strict supervision of course. Their moto is "better a broken bone than a broken spirit"

If you send your child to be cared for by people who pride themselves as running something a 'bit feral' with a real fire pit and hammers and nails, then I don't know why you think they'd be concerned about a T Shirt down the toilet hmm

DelphiniumBlue Thu 25-Aug-16 13:59:08

Very up setting for DD.
Sadly, this is not that unusual, and it does happen in schools. It is treated as bullying, and I think you should make a complaint along those lines.
Presumably they have a policy for dealing with bullying?
Am assuming that DD knows ( rather than suspects) who did it? You might want to include how she knows in your complaint.

MrsJayy Thu 25-Aug-16 14:00:21

Is she enjoying it ? If she isnt take her out . Kids will do mean things the organisers need to reassure you this wont happen again and your dd is physically and emotionally safe at her club put that in your complaint

ReActiv Thu 25-Aug-16 14:05:45

They let the kids play with hammers and nails?? What age range are we talking here?

It really does sound a bit of a free for all rather than a structured, safe club.

The t-shirt issue is separate. It's a form of bullying. And the fact that the staff did not discipline the child would make me lose all faith and trust in them. It's not good for your daughter to see that type of behaviour going unpunished.

At my daughter's club, kids who misbehave are given time outs varying in length according to the severity of 'the crime'. A 3 strikes and you're out rule applies to children who do really bad things (maliciously damaging someone else's property would definitely count as one).

If your daughter is happy to go back for the last day tomorrow, then by all means let her. But let her know that you believe those kids did a very bad thing to her, and that you're sorry they have gotten away with it. It's important for her to know that her feelings are justified and supported by you. Then write your complaint letter.

But if she doesn't want to go back, I wouldn't encourage her to change her mind.

loosechange Thu 25-Aug-16 14:48:41

The basis of my complaint /concern would be that this is an unacceptable level of behaviour from children of this age, and you would like reassurance that the children have been made aware of this and their parents informed.

The set up sounds akin to the ethos of forest schools, and peeing on act shirt, in or out of the loo, is not part of that ethos.

On a separate note, I would warn DD not to leave her clothes in the loo. I thought you were going to say it had been caught by crossfire.

loosechange Thu 25-Aug-16 14:49:29

A t shirt, not act shirt.

puddock Thu 25-Aug-16 14:56:52

I'm all for outdoorsy fun but 'better a broken bone than a broken spirit'?!hmm
Are those the only two options?

Kione Thu 25-Aug-16 15:37:46

If you send your child to be cared for by people who pride themselves as running something a 'bit feral' with a real fire pit and hammers and nails, then I don't know why you think they'd be concerned about a T Shirt down the toilet hmm
Its a club run by a charity highly linked to children and family social services in the area, I also work for Social Services. One thing is to run supervised "adventure" activities, another thing is allowing kids bad behavior. One thing does not rule out the other.
DelphiniumBlue she knows who did it, I mentioned it to them, one was quiet and serous, the other one gave me a proud grin. None of them denied it. One is the young sister of DD friend from same class at school.
MrsJayy if she was upset today I am definitely not taking her in tomorrow. She was happy to go back this morning.
ReActiv they are 4 or 5 to 11, they are generally together and then they divide by over 8's and under 8's for lunch and certain activities.
The hammers are rubber but nails and wood is real. They have built a tree house and a swing.
I have lost trust in the for this same reason, one thing is doing exciting and adventurous stuff, other thing is plainly not care for bad behaviors.
loosechange thank you, that gives me an idea of what to write. Of course I tell her not to leave stuff around, she just forgot. I am sure she'll be more careful now.
puddock I know, I am no big fan of that motto either.
Insancerre maybe they have and I wasn't told. That would be great and they might tell me as a reply to my email. But my daughter was never asked anything by the carers.
Thanks for all your replies, its really useful.
In a general note, as said, this club is a charity closely linked to other services, they also have a farm where teenagers in difficult situations spend time, work etc. The kids from this club get day trips there and pick eggs, DD loves it. I do think lately is a bit more "shambles".

loosechange Thu 25-Aug-16 15:57:00

Rather hard way to learn not to leave your things lying around. I'm making a note to remind my children of this now, before school restarts.

DelphiniumBlue Thu 25-Aug-16 16:30:44

I think you should email the club and ask them to confirm what steps have been taken to deal with this.
It sounds a fun place to be, and it's not necessarily the fault of the staff that the incident happened. However, I would expect them to be dealing with it, which would include them having spoken to the perpetrators, discussing with them how they could make amends, and telling you what steps have been taken .

Kione Thu 25-Aug-16 21:59:35

Yes, I don't think its their fault that it happened. But I hope it was talked through.
DD had a "fabulous" day today there so I am more relaxed.
Still will send an email to make sure it doesn't go unnoticed.

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