Crisis! Go back to England or continue? so confused

(3 Posts)
user1471379988 Tue 16-Aug-16 22:00:44

Hello,

I'm half English half Spanish. I'm comfortable in both countries although perhaps feel slightly more English than Spanish. I'm 30 and a graphic designer. I really need your help!

My whole life was about moving around. As a kid I got dragged from pillar to post. I've gone back and forth beyween england and spain for the past 10 years. I've only ever lived in both my "home countries" as an adult. The pattern is usually 2 years in one, 2 years in the other, etc.

Another thing I should mention is I'm not technically Spanish. My step dad is Spanish and I can't get nationality through him.

I moved to London and then Bristol in 2014. I fell in love with Bristol unlike any other city I've lived in. I became part of the community. I also fell in with a great group of people who have become very close friends. I ALSO fell into the drug scene in Bristol. After 2 years there, I wanted a change. I decided I should go back to Spain so that I could actually afford my own flat and get away from what I perceive to be bristols more party-oriented lifestyle. This spring, I went back and forth in my head about it. Then Brexit happened. I realised that I would always have a British passport but that my options for going back to Spain might at some point become limited. Plus, there were aspects of Spanish culture I really missed, and the nagging feeling that I was starting to live an unhealthy existence in Bristol featuring drugs and drink. I left for Spain.

Now I'm in Spain and have been for the past month. I don't know what to do though. I miss Bristol. I miss my friends there, the social life I had and the very deep friendships I made. Especially one guy who became my best friend.

I've got a flat here now, got it a week ago. I'm having to buy proper furniture and everything, by which I mean, this is very "real" and would be a massive deal to leave now. Its basically not as easy as it once would have been, where I had no real belongings, nothing more than a flat share to wrap up. I've bought a T.v., bed and sofa, signed a proper contract, etc.

I'm confused. I don't have any friends in this Spanish city. That's not a problem as I'm sure with time I'll make some. But what I mean is I can't tell whether I'm feeling unsettled because I haven't made connections here or whether it's because I'm not supposed to be here.

I've never found it hard to upsticks and move before. I'm wondering if I was supposed to have stayed in Bristol. On the other hand, I love Spain, and the idea was I wanted to grow up a bit, like I said, take some quiet time to myself, work on my painting, have my own place, get a pet: grow up basically, which would have been harder in Bristol because of rental costs and the go go go party lifestyle.

Can anyone help? I'm so confused. My family think it's healthier for me to be back in Spain and just get back into living somewhere less rushed and more relaxed. But I don't know. 😦

gleam Sun 04-Sep-16 16:53:09

Why not 'take a month off (or three)' mentally and just don't think about it?

Relax and enjoy your new place and see what happens?

missyB1 Sun 04-Sep-16 16:58:42

Stop giving yourself a hard time. This is not a life or death decision so try to relax a bit. Take your time, perhaps give yourself a set period such as 18 months and see how you feel after that. You are bound to miss Bristol for a while especially if you were living at such a fast pace. You need time to settle into the new routine.

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