Husband affairs

(45 Posts)
SuperEve Wed 03-Aug-16 16:33:54

Three years on marriage and three kids in two years later my husband received a texts "hi thanks baby xxx". Since he's asleep I wake him and ask who's that, he says it's not for him, surely wrong number, goes back to bed. I take his phone and research all night what's going on, gut feeling! I ask him that night if there's anything I need to know a couple of times but he assures me, goes back to bed (his face didn't look the same). I find out he's been looking at escorts, texting them, received even another text from different number with escorts address and charge that night, he's been viewing that same address earlier on on his maps I found. I asked him in the morning to tell me what's happening and after long wait he admitted to be browsing thought escort webs for 20 years, texting, calling them but never actually going through with it. He just gets the rush from texting and calling but finds them too filthy to sleep with. For some reason I believe he's not slept with them but I haven't told him that. Regardless, how would you feel and what would you do if your husband firstly lied about anything going on but once confronted admits being an addict for browsing through and texting escorts. He was pretty open with me in the end, I was to ask him anything. Apparently he says its like his secret sickness, he even knows where they are, who's new in town, what they do etc. But it's not something he finds sexual.
My head is messed up atm. Opinions please...

timelytess Wed 03-Aug-16 16:37:33

He's a liar and you need to get STI checks.

mummytime Wed 03-Aug-16 16:41:04

STI check for you.
Chuck him out.
Get a good lawyer.

Sorry flowers

SuperEve Wed 03-Aug-16 16:43:05

Without knowing the full story is a married guy that messages escorts but doesn't sleep with them (let's say it's true) is a cheater?

ElspethFlashman Wed 03-Aug-16 16:43:27

Lies lies lies lies.

"Not sexual" when it's escorts....I've heard it all now.

He thinks you're a right mug.

STI test pronto.

SuperEve Wed 03-Aug-16 17:01:49

I know that trust is unfixable to the fullest, sex would probably suck from now on. But what lengths would you go for your kids sake? We've just bought a house, got 2x2.5 yr olds and a 1 yo. For a guy that's never even been to a strip club due to no desire this is a freaking situation!

ElspethFlashman Wed 03-Aug-16 17:13:50

After 20 years whatever this is, is not going to end. This is his life. This has always been his life.

So this is your future.

WellErrr Wed 03-Aug-16 17:23:58

He's totally shagging them. Sorry OP flowers

Missgraeme Wed 03-Aug-16 17:30:49

Maybe u need to ask if it's normal stuff he gets or has he got any odd preferences maybe he hasn't been able to confide in u about? No excuses but maybe he has a side to him he is ashamed of so goes to other 's for fulfillment?

glitterwhip Wed 03-Aug-16 17:31:23

I wouldn't believe for a second that he hasn't been sleeping with these women ..you don't do this for 20 years with out at least once going through with it
I'm sorry but the deception alone would be enough for me to be getting rid of this guy ..the whole story just seems off
I hope you find a way through this

DoinItFine Wed 03-Aug-16 17:31:45

How do prostitutes make any money when all men do is look them up online and send them e-mails and texts they never follow up?

It's the oldest profession - sitting around by yourself while men send you messages via smoke signal/courier pigeon/papyrus scroll but never actually pay to sleep with you.

NeedAnotherGlass Wed 03-Aug-16 17:36:29

Yes of course he's cheating.
It's cheating because this has all happened without your knowledge and he was fully aware that it was a betrayal of your trust.
He's been doing it for 20 years!!!! Nothing changed when he met you, married you or had kids with you. It will never change.
That shows a complete lack of regard and respect for you.
I wouldn't believe that he's never had sex with any of them, but my opinion of him would be the same regardless.

There's no fixing this degree of broken. Why would you want to settle for that?

anyname123 Wed 03-Aug-16 17:41:53

I think escorts are quite sisterly and flag up to each other time wasters etc, so I'd doubt they would tolerate 20 years of having time wasted by a chap who gets off on texting them, they are business women after all. Sorry, but fwiw he's probably screwing them. What do the bank statements tell you?

SuperEve Wed 03-Aug-16 18:50:56

Tbh, he wouldn't have the time, if he's not at work, he's always with me, I'm the one doing shopping whilst he's looking after the kids, we got no family to help us with three little ones so he's always around. Hence it's believable he's not slept with them, however it's still disgusting. I wouldn't say he's doing it coz he's lacking something in me, even if so, he's done it way before we met. 20 yrs is crazy long! I'm lost what to do next.

SuperEve Wed 03-Aug-16 18:51:45

NeedAnotherGlass you're very right...

AnnieOnAMapleLeaf Wed 03-Aug-16 18:53:43

Your marriage is over. You husband does not value or respect you; if he did, he would not be contacting prostitutes. Don't make excuses for him and don't try to fix what cannot be fixed. Trust is gone and, without trust, marriage cannot survive.

Kick him out and get a good lawyer.

LewisAndClark Wed 03-Aug-16 18:56:09

There's no way he's been doing this for twenty years and not going through with it. Every prostitute around would know his name and he'd be blacklisted.

AnyFucker Wed 03-Aug-16 18:56:17

He just gets the rush from texting and calling but finds them too filthy to sleep with

You should dump him for this comment alone. This man hates women but has no problem with getting his sexual kicks by stalking them online.

I also doubt he has never touched a sex worker. His excuses stink to high heaven.

AnnieOnAMapleLeaf Wed 03-Aug-16 18:57:59

I completely agree with AnyFucker. OP, do not allow your husband to twist what he has done. He is a fuckwit and you are well rid of him.

gillybeanz Wed 03-Aug-16 18:59:48

The too dirty comment would make me ltb.
What a charmer, they're nice enough to talk to and get your kicks but too dirty for anything else.

Have some self respect and prioritise your dc what a sorry excuse for a man. That comes from somebody who doesn't mind escorts and wouldn't necessarily refuse if dh asked, he hasn't grin
It's the deceit and lies, don't put up with it, you are worth 10x this and so are your dc. thanks

AnyFucker Wed 03-Aug-16 19:01:36

gilly....if dh asked what ? confused

P1nkP0ppy Wed 03-Aug-16 19:06:02

What makes me shudder is the thought that he could be having sex with you but fantasising being with one of them 😡
He's being unfaithful op, whether or not he's paying for sex, and I can't imagine that you have any trust in him now.
I wouldn't want him anywhere near me or my children.

WellErrr Wed 03-Aug-16 21:17:20

If he has no time then when is he doing all this messaging?

ImperialBlether Wed 03-Aug-16 21:24:40

I think there's always time. You're not talking about him taking them out for meals or away for a weekend, but stopping off for twenty minutes on his way to/home from work. I've heard that first thing in the morning is a very popular time.

Those girls wouldn't waste time texting him - why would they? They're trying to make a living and they can't do that if they're chatting to no-hopers.

If he's been doing this for twenty years and if he calls the workers names like that, I wouldn't want to be with him.

gillybeanz Wed 03-Aug-16 22:48:11

AnyFucker
If dh asked to see a prostitute.
I'm quite liberal minded, not that he would ask though. Gets enough at home grin
I was pointing out the most liberal of us think he is out of order, the comment about being filthy and the deceit for all this time is worse than using escorts, imo.
But I'm happy for others to have their own opinion.

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