My child being pushed around at nursery by another child

(23 Posts)
mrsm22 Fri 01-Jul-16 23:53:22

Hi

My child currently goes to a pre-school nursery where he will be starting the school this September. He has some lovely little friends he has made at nursery and has always loved going. My child is very confident an outgoing and a happy little boy. One day last week, DS told me that he didn't want to go to nursery the next day. I was a bit suprised as he normally can't wait to go, but as I knew his very close friend who also goes to nursery wth him was off poorly the previous day, I just put it down to this and thought he must be missing his friend.
Another day last week my DH picked DS up from nursery and when they were waking out of the building my DS pointed to another boy and said 'that's .... And he hits me'. (This was what my DS said to his dad and he said the boy's name). My DH didn't take much notice of this as I don't think he believed it. BUT tonight before bed, DS suddenly started tellingme about a boy who is always naughty at nursery and who hits him all the time on the head and even when my DS is drinking his juice. I asked if he had told a teacher to which he said he had but obviously it's still going on as my DS says he still hits him.

I decided to ring the mum of my DS's good friend at nursery and told her. She mentioned the boys name to her DS (but she just asked if there was a boy by that name at nursery) and she didn't ask if the boy was hitting my DS just to see what he said. Her DS confirmed that this particular boy always hits my DS and he even said that he tries to hide my DS so that the other boy can't get to him (very sweet that he would protect his friend at just four years old). I told my DS not to worry about this and that I will sort it out next week but he was asking me to not tell his teachers. I think he's scared that the boy will get into trouble.
So, obviously on Monday I will be speaking to one of the teachers in nursery but I am really very upset about this, as is my DH and I am wondering why this has not been stopped if the teachers know about it.
I feel happy knowing that my DS is at nursery having a nice time, he's not there to be bullied or pushed around by another child. I wondered, is it the correct thing to just speak to one of the staff in nursery about this or should I be going as well to the Head, or is that a bit extreme? And what should I expect the school to do about this? Surely his parents should be getting called in to discuss this.
Manu thanks for reading and any advice appreciated.

BaldHedgehog Sun 03-Jul-16 08:42:25

Go and explain the problem,ask the teacher to keep an eye on them in case they dismiss it either with "tale telling" or "kids will be kids".DS is also at the nursery,he complained about one boy kicking him- except that this boy was away when the incidents allegedly took place.

Bambooshoots14 Sun 03-Jul-16 08:56:32

Yes bald my ds tells me lots of tales too

I wouldn't over react and just speak to the teacher

knaffedoff Sun 03-Jul-16 09:10:19

Please speak to the nursery. I wouldn't discuss this type of incident with another parent / child, the parent wasn't there and children will often say things to please parents. I feel a bit sorry for the child tbh, I don't think pre-schoolers will bully others and part if nursery is about learning to play with others, it seems this other child has now been labelled by you and your friend :-(

mrsm22 Sun 03-Jul-16 23:04:49

Knaffe - You feel sorry for a nasty child who goes around following and hitting another child in the head? I feel sorry for you.

passmethewineplease Sun 03-Jul-16 23:08:45

How old is your DS?

Just have a word with the nursery?

It doesn't need to be discussed with other parents at the nursery, they aren't the ones supervising your children.

BerriesandLeaves Sun 03-Jul-16 23:10:35

Yes, speak or write to the nursery staff about it.

MrsJayy Sun 03-Jul-16 23:12:51

You dont have to be at other parents about this contact his keyworker about it why are you involving other 3 year olds in this just speak to nursery before the story grows arms and legs

RadicalPessimist Sun 03-Jul-16 23:18:24

Nursery staff are responsible for supervising the children and managing behaviour so you need to speak to them. Getting yourself het up, involving other parents and asking their three years olds what happened really isn't helpful.

LyndaNotLinda Sun 03-Jul-16 23:25:20

He's not a 'nasty child' FFS. He's a baby.

Don't quiz your DS, don't ask your friend to quiz hers, talk to the staff. You're not in CSI.

And you only go to the head if matters aren't resolved to your satisfaction i.e. the issue continues. So I would ask to speak to your DS's keyworker and:
- tell her/him what the issue is
- ask them if they have noticed there is a problem
- ask how they're going to deal with it

And then after a couple of days, check with your DS again to see if the issue is resolved.

BerriesandLeaves Mon 04-Jul-16 18:36:05

How did you get on speaking to the nursery op?

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Mon 04-Jul-16 18:43:48

You feel sorry for a nasty child who goes around following and hitting another child in the head? I feel sorry for you

Wow! He's a little boy, not a nasty child! Lots of young kids go through hitting, biting etc phases, it doesn't mean they are nasty!

Stop gossiping about a bloody 3 year old and talk to the nursery staff!

MrsJoeyMaynard Mon 04-Jul-16 20:04:51

Hope you managed to speak to the nursery staff, OP.

FWIW, I've had similar tales from DS1 (4.5) before about nursery classmates. Complaints about X hitting him all day, teachers not doing anything etc.
I've generally been wary of taking all this 100% at face value, as I've witnessed a fair number of incidents where DS1 has accused another child of violence when it's looked like a completely accidental collision to me, or DS1 exaggerating an actual squabble beyond all recognition, or even DS1 saying X hit him today when I know fine well X has been off sick all week.

The way I've handled this sort of thing previously has been to speak to DS1's key worker, explain that DS1 is worried about X hitting him / says X has been hitting him, and ask that they keep a closer eye on DS1 and X in case there's trouble brewing between the two of them.
I'd only consider going to the head if things didn't improve .

Also, I don't think it's helpful to be calling a presumably 3 or 4 yr old a nasty child. They're still very young, still getting to grips with learning acceptable behaviour and how to handle their emotions, and still often very impulsive. Hitting other children for whatever reason isn't acceptable behaviour, but it's not unusual for 3 / 4 yr olds, even ones who are normally nice, to occasionally lose control and push or hit other children.

knaffedoff Tue 05-Jul-16 09:14:55

Mrsm, please don't feel sorry for me. I don't believe a pre-schooler is nasty, I also believe that all young children will hurt others, this can be accidental or through frustration, its life. You disagree, fine wine

insancerre Tue 05-Jul-16 09:20:57

So, is your child covered in bruises and marks from this "nasty" child?

mrsm22 Wed 06-Jul-16 22:48:51

Thank you for all your responses. I think I did possibly over-react a little and yes, it was wrong of me to refer to a 3 or 4 year old child as nasty. I think because DS has always been so happy at nursery and excited about going each day, that to see him not as keen to go and to hear him tell me that his head was sore from being hit by another child, I just went into protective mum mode and I felt upset.
I did speak to one of the nursery staff on Monday when I took DS in. I was taken into a room where I just explained what DS had told me and the teacher knew about this and knew of two occasions where this boy had hit DS over the head. Apparently they are having a few behavioural problems with the child, who seems to have 'a thing' about hitting on the head, but it's not just my child who has been hit. It is just anyone who he happens to be nearby. I was told that they are dealing with it and that the parents of the child have been called in and they are working on trying to stop this behaviour. The teacher also assured me that they would try keep DS away from this child as he is obviously upset about it. So far, nothing has happened this week. DS hasn't come home and told me anything more so fingers crossed that will be the end of the matter.
I think I have got some very good and sensible responses on here and on reflection I can see that children do things sometimes and it is all part of learning boundaries and what is and isn't acceptable, so thank you again.

Kanga59 Wed 06-Jul-16 22:50:11

I agree with knaffedoff. dont label a 4yo a bully. spk to the staff so they can help the boys play nicely together

LyndaNotLinda Wed 06-Jul-16 22:53:08

It's hard when your kid is little. Good on you for taking the criticism on the chin.

Hope the nursery can continue to manage the situation so that your DS is still happy and positive about going smile

insancerre Thu 07-Jul-16 07:29:15

Great update op

MrsJayy Thu 07-Jul-16 07:38:05

Least you have been reassured a little about this I'm sure nursery will be on top of it now

knaffedoff Thu 07-Jul-16 08:24:03

Mrsm, I am glad you spoke to the nursery and there have been no further incidents smile

BerriesandLeaves Thu 07-Jul-16 18:29:43

Good news op.

mrsm22 Thu 07-Jul-16 20:36:54

Thanks again everyone! Since speaking with one of the nursery teachers on Monday, DS has told me each day that X hasn't hit him today. I haven't asked him, he just mentions it but this is all he sats about it, so I can only assume that the staff got this sorted out somehow, just keep the boys apart or maybe the boy in question has now stopped the hitting. Anyway, thanks for all the responses on this. It can be hard when it's your little one and you just want them to be happy each day. Things do happen though. smile

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