lying friend

(83 Posts)
facebookrecruit Tue 24-May-16 00:03:23

Haven't been on the site long but I hope I can find some helpful advice. I feel like a fool and am so upset and angry. Basically a fairly close friend of mine has had us all thinking for months that her teenage daughter just moved to her dads and they packed up and left with his wife and other sibling. She's told us all that she has absolutely no idea where they are, that her precious girl has cut off all contact with her. We as friends have done our best to support her. I personally have only made small gestures of wine and flowers, however one of our group spent a significant amount of money to cheer her up (£450)
Fast forward to yesterday and I saw her daughter. She spoke to me and when she asked if I still saw her mum I said yes and said how much she misses and loves her. Poor girl started sobbing and said she's tried many times to get in touch and been ignored. I said I couldn't see it and was she sure she hadn't possibly been mistaken. Turns out my friend is an absolutely amazing actress because the heartbroken girl showed me proof in the form of several messages that had been read and ignored, and that her mum had blocked her on every social media site she has tried to get in touch with her. What do I do? confused we as friends have all been so supportive and offered advice and help to our 'devastated' friend who's lost her daughter. The only truth she has actually told us is that she doesn't have their address. I read the messages with tears in my eyes - never as a parent could I be so cold towards my kids. I know blended families can be complicated but some of these messages were truly heartless. I'm due to see my friend this weekend and after a few drinks I'm 95% sure this subject will be mentioned, and she will sit and cry about her daughter being brainwashed. I haven't told a soul in real life, I'm speechless to be honest.

facebookrecruit Tue 24-May-16 08:26:37

Anyone? I've had such a rubbish nights sleep worrying sad

SmallBee Tue 24-May-16 08:34:06

What an awful situation op. Did your friends DD say why her mum has done this?

I haven't got any sensible advice I'm afraid but on your shoes I wouldn't feel comfortable being around this woman any more or letting friends 'help'. But I am not good at confrontational conversation so I haven't got any useful ideas.

facebookrecruit Tue 24-May-16 08:42:04

The messages all said something along the lines of 'he's never been a good dad' and her daughter said it was because she's moved in with her dad. Don't get me wrong I understand how that must hurt - her life daughter moving in with her dad - but for the 10+ years I've known them she's been to her dads every weekend, spent school holidays there, he's very much involved.

Arfarfanarf Tue 24-May-16 08:47:48

I think you should tell your friend you bumped into her daughter.

She will know that you know.

RaeSkywalker Tue 24-May-16 08:55:19

Arf's idea is very good. That poor child sad

facebookrecruit Tue 24-May-16 09:06:27

Arfarfanarf I really want to go and tell her that right now. I am in limbo because I've spent the best part of a year (along with many others) the poor girl has literally BEGGED her mother to acknowledge her and basically been told to piss off. It's never been a secret that there was animosity between my friend and her ex husband but never in a million years would I have thought this. The child and her dads family actually moved BECAUSE of the situation - poor kid said the final straw was her mum driving past her and blanking her while stood at a bus stop in the rain sad utterly disgusted and although I hate confrontation and know this is probably going to cause world war three I cannot just ignore it. Given the way she has treated her own daughter I'm dreading what is in store for me when this comes out. I asked her daughter if there was anything I could do to help or make her life easier and she said 'no thank you. My mum has made it quite clear she doesn't want me in her life and I have to accept it and move on' the look in her eyes broke my heart - I've seen and heard so many people tell my friend what a good mum she is and how xxxx will see that one day and beg for her forgiveness. I feel sick to my stomach. I'm angry at being lied to like this and so upset and worried for this poor girl and the effect this will have on her mentally sad

CrazyDuchess Tue 24-May-16 09:15:28

What a horrible horrible mess - I often wonder what makes some parents so indifferent and horrible to their own children it's a horrible feeling being rejected by a parent

My first instinct is not to get involved, however I think this "friend" has created a terrible lie and needs to be challenged especially as she is trying to garner sympathy under false circumstances.

The truth would have come out eventually.... what a mess and that poor girl!

facebookrecruit Tue 24-May-16 09:32:45

I'm trying to think of a text which is to the point and hopefully will not invite a discussion. There is absolutely no denial that her daughter is telling me the truth - she showed me the messages with her mums phone number on it, and showed me messages on a social media site which followed on from messages which had been sent while she was living with her so it's definitely her. When I think of all the posts regarding her daughter and how heartbroken she is, all the while she's saying such vile things to her sadangry

RaeSkywalker Tue 24-May-16 09:44:46

I just feel so sorry for the daughter. DH and I are NC with his parents and I know that his Mum says all kinds of things awful about him (and me). He's been cut off by his wider family as a result. It's heartbreaking to deal with this now, in our late 20s, so I can't imagine how your friend's DD is feeling.

RaeSkywalker Tue 24-May-16 09:48:26

I'm not one for 'gossip' but in your case I would definitely share this with my other friends.

facebookrecruit Tue 24-May-16 09:50:56

Well that's another thing. The things my friend has said about her ex husband and his partner. We all believed her - because we had no reason not to. The whole time I've known her she's slagged them off said what terrible people they are yet her daughter spent so much time with them confused she claims to have phoned the police several times to lodge complaints about them yet now I think about it there has never been any follow ups to these complaints that she's mentioned. I just cannot believe someone I have been close to for so many years is such a compulsive liar.

Arfarfanarf Tue 24-May-16 09:51:24

I think you need to tell your other friends.

They have been supporting this woman just as much as you under these false pretenses.

If you tackle her without sharing this information with them first then i bet you everything i own that she will go to the friends with the same sort utterly convincing sob story and you will be the bad guy.

facebookrecruit Tue 24-May-16 09:53:41

I know I'm going to have to expose her lies I'm just so nervous about it. If she can lie like this about her own child then I dread to think what I'm in for. Wish me luck shock

CrazyDuchess Tue 24-May-16 09:54:52

Could you confide in another friend that knows what's going on for some support??

Only1scoop Tue 24-May-16 09:55:09

I would be honest with her.

facebookrecruit Tue 24-May-16 09:57:16

Crazy duchess I know who I'm going to first, wish I'd have told her sooner because I've worried myself silly since I spoke to the poor kid

CrazyDuchess Tue 24-May-16 10:00:22

Okay- good luck you are doing the right thing!!

spanky2 Tue 24-May-16 10:04:47

Confront her in front of witnesses or she'll turn it round on you and tell everyone what liar you are. Tell friends first maybe take a photo of the messages for proof then confront her with the friends there. She will not like it so be prepared for the rage and backlash. Your friends need to know what sort of person they are dealing with.

WannaBe Tue 24-May-16 10:08:11

You need to tell your mutual friends first so that you all have the same information.

Personally I would just cut her off at that point. Whatever you say to her she will twist anyway to make herself look like the victim. She is clearly a compulsive liar incapable of telling the truth so there is no point even engaging on that score.

CrazyDuchess Tue 24-May-16 10:08:38

Agree with Spanky- prepare for rage and backlash - unless she totally breaks down and begs forgiveness she will try and turn it around to make herself the victim once again.

Do you keep.in touch with the daughter??

MessyBun247 Tue 24-May-16 10:10:04

Yes just tell the truth!
How can anyone treat their child that way? She has deceived so many people. Toxic woman, soaking up all the attention and sympathy from caring friends, while treating her own child like dirt.

It's going to lead to a big fallout but she brought it on herself.

facebookrecruit Tue 24-May-16 10:10:24

Well that's my next thought - the young lady in question told me the name she uses on social media now. Would it be crass of me to ask for screenshots or pictures of the evidence? I get the impression she knew I wouldn't be able to just carry on as normal now, she just didn't want to appear as she was shit stirring. If my gut feeling is right she now feels ready for people to know the truth - she said she knows her mum will be slagging them off every chance she gets hmm the more I think about it the angrier it makes me - this is her CHILD she's lying about, she's making her child out to be horrible to save her own reputation angryangryangry

YouMakeMyDreams Tue 24-May-16 10:11:05

That is just so calculated and horrible. Her poor Dd. Agree you need to get some friends onside and told before anyone confronts her. She will twist it and make herself out to be the victim. Glad you know who you will approach first. I feel for you I really do its between a rock and a hard place really because there may very well be repercussions for you because she may not be pleasant. Good luck.

CrazyDuchess Tue 24-May-16 10:14:36

I am not sure I would ask for screen shots (sorry how old is she again) but I would offer support and that you intendo to challenge her mother over the lies (in case it backfires in that direction)

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