Drunk in charge

(27 Posts)
C8nc3r3d Sun 22-May-16 21:43:09

Looking for some friendly advice please....first post so please be kind smile
My friend has always enjoyed a drink and regularly took her son (aged 8) with her to the pub or drank when he was asleep. The last 6 months or so her drinking has increased dramatically. She is a single parent but dad sees son at least 3 times a week.The first time I was made aware was when she laughingly told me that one of the teachers at the school Christmas fair had to take her and her son home as she was too drunk to walk. Since then she regularly gets drunk in the house. Son's dad keeps asking her not to but she ignores him. She's then too hungover to do anything with him the next day...Unless he goes to the pub with her !!
She had a week off work while her son was on holiday with his dad and she rowed with her parents and sister about her excessive drinking. The day after he came home she told him, while drunk, that she wished he didn't live with her.
Last night she drank again and has had a full on row with the boys dad as he told her she cannot continue like this. She was trying to drag him out of the car to stop him going with his dad. He has ended up staying with his dad overnight tonight.
He can't move to live with dad as he works nights.
If I ring school to voice my concerns will anything be done ?
I'm not aware of anything happening which may have caused the increased drinking.
TIA

StealthPolarBear Sun 22-May-16 21:45:41

Oh sad it sounds as thouh the dad is on the case. I think he needs to push for custody.

C8nc3r3d Sun 22-May-16 21:46:55

He can't as would have to give up work sad

Buckinbronco Sun 22-May-16 21:47:49

I also think leave it to the dad to sort it. Poor her. People criticising your drinking def isn't going to help

StealthPolarBear Sun 22-May-16 21:47:54

Presumably other single parents manage, often my changing their life and livinf arrangements usually women. Are there no other jobs he could get.

Buckinbronco Sun 22-May-16 21:48:57

Plenty of ways around that, I'm sure he'll be able to work it out. Anyway it might not get that far

StealthPolarBear Sun 22-May-16 21:49:09

After all presumably he can't work nights and care for his child as the child needs to be cared for by a sober adult.
which isn't happening at the moment

StealthPolarBear Sun 22-May-16 21:50:06

The mother will need to pay maintenance, for as long as she keeps her job.

Nimble2014 Sun 22-May-16 21:50:58

I think it would be the 'right thing' to do, to bring up your concerns with the school. I'm sure that they already have some pieces of the puzzle, and your information will help them get help for her son. If your concerns are unfounded, no issues will arise. But, if they're valid, you're helping her son (and her) get the support they need.

C8nc3r3d Sun 22-May-16 21:56:57

I was thinking of ringing school tomorrow...they will know what to do and at least I've done by bit. Thanks guys.

bibbitybobbityyhat Sun 22-May-16 21:57:10

Honestly? I would report to social services.

C8nc3r3d Sun 22-May-16 21:59:36

Can I go directly to social services ? Might give them a ring aswell as school...it certainly won't hurt.

MinnieF1 Sun 22-May-16 22:01:20

I would also report to SS. Dad might be unsure about how to proceed/what support is available, as many people in this situation would be. SS can help him with this.

It's a shame that the boy's mum is in this situation, but it's unacceptable to leave a child in a potentially dangerous situation, which appears to be getting worse. The dad needs to step in.

MinnieF1 Sun 22-May-16 22:03:13

If you know what local authority the boy lives in, you should be able to find a general duty number for SS on their website.

Many people in your situation would turn a blind eye. It's not easy to report to SS but it definitely sounds like you're doing the right thing flowers

FirstShinyRobe Sun 22-May-16 22:05:25

The dad needs to seriously step up here.

His job is not sacrosanct, his son is.

C8nc3r3d Sun 22-May-16 22:05:52

Aw thanks....she does get a lot of support from her family but I think even they have had enough atm. I worry about her too cos she's alienating everybody, including her son, by this.

apple1992 Sun 22-May-16 22:06:30

I would report it to SS too. You'll be able to google processes in your LA.

C8nc3r3d Sun 22-May-16 22:08:00

Thank you I'll do it first thing ....if school etc are happy then at least I know I did my best. I'd be surprised if none of the other parents haven't already said something cos she regularly collects him when drunk.

eightbluebirds Sun 22-May-16 22:09:02

Report to SS. The dad needs to be applying for Custody and apply for jobs with better hours

alltouchedout Sun 22-May-16 22:09:28

I'd report it to social services too, and would probably tell the dad I was doing so, depending on how I thought he would react to that.
In some areas you can access overnight childcare, usually childminders. I haven't found that provision everywhere, but it may be something the dad could consider.

MadamDeathstare Sun 22-May-16 22:10:14

He needs to see if there are child minders who would let his DS sleep at their house at night. Unless he is working 12 hour shifts, he could collect his DS from school, have dinner and spend the evening with him, drop him at the child minder's when he's ready for bed and then go to work. He could either pick the boy up in the morning to take him to school, or the child minder could take him if he can't get from work to the CM on time.

StealthPolarBear Sun 22-May-16 22:10:15

Sorry the more I think about this the more it irritates me (and I realise you're just the messenger op). How many women have ever been able to say "no I can't be the RP as I work shifts". And yet men get to see being a parent as somethig they'll do if they can but not, you know, if it is a hassle. And that's just accepted.

Groovee Sun 22-May-16 22:10:46

As someone who has an alcoholic mother but had a dad and grandparents to care for me, I would suggest social services to help dad take residence over.

Unfortunately unless your friend is willing to help herself, no one else can help until she admits a problem.

Buckinbronco Sun 22-May-16 22:15:04

Me too stealth. Of course he can change his job. Is it really preferable to leave his child with a mother abusing alcohol rather than do that? I mean, who knows what actually is going on, but taking it at face value...

apple1992 Sun 22-May-16 22:20:22

It's likely the school are aware and may have made a referral, even if this is the case there's no harm in reporting too - you may have more information.

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