Im far from my baby and MIL and SIL is taking care of her. We dont have constant communication.

(13 Posts)
shesannette Sun 15-May-16 22:44:12

My baby was just 3 months old when me and my husband left to work abroad. My MIL and SIL looks after her. We do not have good relationship with my SIL since our marraige because she was jealous of me. She is the only sibling of my husband. Now that we are here, we seldom skype with my daughter and i even dont get updates about my baby since she only talks to my husband. Thing is they are very obsessed with my baby and she even let my baby call her mommy. Now i cant stand anymore this things because getting longer i dont get to at least skype with my baby and if we do they try to act as if my baby doesnt want to see me. Can anyone relate? My baby is turning 9 months now.sad

QOD Sun 15-May-16 22:48:05

I guess you can't go home?
Are you from the Phillipines ? I know of group of ladies who have done this and they are. The cultural norm seems to be that grandparents do the bringing up. They see it that they are doing the best they can and will get their turn

However, if you are in the UK , I guess you know thus is NOT the norm for us. We look at it differently

What did you expect though really? If you don't Skype and don't talk, she will bond with her carers.

Where are you and where is she?

fuctifino Sun 15-May-16 22:49:59

You moved and you both left your baby behind shock?

If you left the baby at 3months and she is 9 months now, I don't think you can be surprised if she's starting to call sil mum.

When are you going back for your baby? Or when is she joining you.
I can get my head round one parent working away for a better life but 2 of you leaving the baby just seems not quite right somehow.

shesannette Sun 15-May-16 22:52:34

The thing is i dont even get updates directly. We are hoping to get her soon as we are settled here. We are from Phis. Now i am in guilt for leaving her behind.

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism Sun 15-May-16 22:53:59

fuctifino both parents going away to work isn't that uncommon in other countries! You can let go of your pearls it's usually done in the childs best interest: i.e. perhaps education and health isn't freely available for the child without more money than can be earned in the home country?

fuctifino Sun 15-May-16 23:21:21

No pearls screen, I, quite wrongly it appears, did not consider op was from a poor country.
Still can't understand why one parent didn't stay behind though.
Is it really that common for both parent's to leave such a young infant?

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism Sun 15-May-16 23:26:49

Yes. It's very common. Both parents get work first and hope the children will join them later.

Workers from non-EU countries often have their visas tied to their first work contract and as such can be given very little flexibility particularly in the private sector. It's not family friendly until they've "done their time" (years) with that shitty employer and have been here long enough to apply for other jobs.

Or they plan to go back home once they've build up enough to cover health and eduction. But most of the ones I've met who have left babies with grandparents/aunts hope the child will eventually come to live here.

I don't know enough about visas to know if this is entirely optional or not. Maybe they have to build up residency before they can bring their child, I don't know

VimFuego101 Sun 15-May-16 23:30:47

How long do you think you will have to wait to have her live with you? I would do whatever you can to get her back ASAP. what does your husband think about it all?

fuctifino Sun 15-May-16 23:35:01

Thank you for explaining street, must be a gut wrenching decision for these families.

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism Sun 15-May-16 23:36:39

it's so hard to advise when we know nothing of the logistics here.

For example if it were the other way round and it was a British MIL and SIL looking after the child while the parents work abroad.. the MILs and SILs could make the foster arrangement official and the childrens courts could rule in favour of not cutting that relationship to move them away to their parents if the SIL being the main carer became an extended arrangement possibly? (I'm speculating)

If there's anything similar where you're from I would try to at least break up the arrangement into blocks.. but understand if that's not possible financially or logistically

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism Sun 15-May-16 23:53:00

Is there anyone from your side of the family who can visit the baby and skype you the visit?

or just visit the baby then fill you in later?

A relative or friend of yours still living back home?

might be a bit more of a connection

shesannette Mon 16-May-16 10:30:43

Thank you all for the response. My mom visits there and tells me things but whenever i ask my sil i dont get any reply.

HawkEyeTheNoo Mon 16-May-16 11:41:04

Oh you poor thing. Can you get your DH to speak to your MIL and SIL and explain how you are feeling? Please don't let this go on, it must be hard enough being away from your LO, never mind not being told anything. flowers

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