Feel like my partner has separation issue?

(6 Posts)
JDFK Thu 07-Jan-16 13:52:26

So me and my partner have been together 6 years and still haven't managed to move in properly as his mum and dad are so dependant on him. They expect him to do everything around the house and look after he's younger siblings a lot, so even though he's meant to be living with us he always seems to be with them. Doing there gardening, cleaning the house, taking he's siblings to school, play dates etc. When talking to his parents and letting them know we need a break they said that its his duty to help the family and they feel stressed because they had two children when my partner was 16 which took away a lot of there freedom all over again and they deserve to have a social life. No offence but I don't think that's our issue?

I'm not sure what to do or suggest because I've put up with it for so long but I'm just completely fed up at this point. Sometimes I wonder why he doesn't stand up to them and tell them no? It makes me think does he enjoy it a little bit? I know if the shoe was on the other foot I would definitely tell my parents. He says he doesn't enjoy it and wants to focus on our future and would love for there to be more boundaries between him and he's parents.

For example today he had to go and collect something from he's parents house. A 5 minute job I've just received a call to say I won't be seeing him for the rest of the day as he's helping around the house and picking up he's sister from school and cooking dinner?

There are loads of different situations to many to mention where I think they have behaved weirdly. He's parents go out a minimum of 2 nights a week and my partner baby sits and on the other days/ nights my partners normally doing something for them.

This is not ok I'm so exhausted and so sad that I have to deal with everything alone. I feel like we will never be he's priority while he's family is still so dependent on him but I have tried so many things to just get him to open his eyes and we have spoken to his parents and they think this behaviour is normal and that my partner should have a major role in his siblings life and that its not fair that they are limited because of the children and they deserve to go out etc me and my partner are always arguing over this as he takes there side a lot and we are sitting in most nights or looking after he's siblings while he's mum and dad has the easy life and goes out socialising.

What would you do?

SparklesandBangs Thu 07-Jan-16 13:54:02

Leave him

VagueIdeas Thu 07-Jan-16 14:35:37

The problem is with your partner. You're right in that it seems he will never prioritise you over his parents, and it's likely that will always be the case. I agree that it doesn't sound as if your relationship has much of a future as long as his parents insist he does their donkey work all day. I mean, cooking and school runs and play dates? How old are the younger siblings anyway?

Whatever you do, don't have children with him because you'll still come second.

they feel stressed because they had two children when my partner was 16 which took away a lot of there freedom all over again and they deserve to have a social life.

Wow. Just wow. And I expect even when the children are grown they will find other reasons to get DP waiting on them hand and foot? Run for the hills.

JDFK Thu 07-Jan-16 15:09:06

Thank you for getting back to me xx

It's just so stressful and weird for me, we are not allowed to have a life at all because he's always running around after them. To be honest I'm scared to 100% rely on him because I think even if he did move in properly he would still be with them most days.

He's siblings are 9 and 10 and he does everything for them even attends parents day meetings. Everyone thinks that hes there dad, that's why when he talks to me about children etc I get scared I want children but at the same time I do not want my child shoved in a corner why he plays daddy with them.

We both took this week off as annual leave as we had lots of plans, they have all been taken over actually we have been out for dinner once which got interrupted and we had to go homesad he says if we was to take the next steps and get a place together and think of future he would make sure things would change but I don't believe him some how I think they will find other ways of getting him there.

Realitea Wed 13-Jan-16 07:27:58

He needs to make a change now, not put it off or say 'when we do this and this it'll change'. That's just a way of putting it off.
I don't think he will change, he's well and truly stuck in his ways.
His parents need to take some responsibility for their own children, it's the most weird set up I've ever heard of!
Just leave him. You deserve someone who puts you first.

MigGril Wed 13-Jan-16 07:40:26

So if his parents had his sibling when he was 16 then he's now about 26 he's spent a good part of his youth looking after his younger siblings. It's about time he had his own freedom never mind his parents freedom.

The children are their not his. He needs to have some freedom now while he's still young or he'll end up resenting them forever. Try and get him to see this point rather then focusing on it being about you. Because where that ends up being in a relationship with you or on his own is up to him. But I think this is important for him.

Would he consider a holiday away from them. Even moving a bit further away so he's close but not so quit on hand if you see what I mean.

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