Don't trust my sister in law with my daughter

(19 Posts)
miggser Sat 10-Oct-15 00:15:32

Hi all I asked my sil ( husbands brothers wife) to keep an eye on my (8 month old at the time) daughter asleep in her pushchair in my mil's garden whilst 2 dogs were also in the garden, she was sitting out in the sun beside the buggy, I said if she needed to come inside to let me know and I'd come out and watch over my little girl. She didn't tell me and left her there( she stays next door and had gone home), I found out by going out into the garden by chance to check on them and my sil didn't return for at least half an hour. I was livid and my husband wouldn't let me say anything! Also she's really rough with her when handling her and my mum saw her throw my little girl onto a chair at our wedding whilst out of our sight. My husband doesn't want to have and family fall outs but I feel like I'm going to explode as my blood boils whenever my sil near my daughter. What do I do???

sparkleup Sat 10-Oct-15 00:24:52

Honestly, I'd want to kill her.

Realisticly if your DH isn't going to say anything then you either make the fuss or you just don't leave your DD with her (even for 5 minutes) and make sure someone trustworthy is in charge if you have to leave for even a short while. I have some family members I've been forced to tolerate and found that's the only way to deal with it, for my peace of mind let alone by kid's safety. I know that's not always practical but if you set your mind that she's not an option you will find alternatives somehow (and some more clever people may give you some ideas in a bit!)

miggser Sat 10-Oct-15 00:30:32

Thanks sparkleup. Think that's maybe what I'll have to do, honestly have never been so enraged by the sight of someone in my life before, its so hard to hold my tongue.

sparkleup Sat 10-Oct-15 00:37:02

I know that feeling all too well! I don't know if its easier or worse that they're my side rather than DH's though. I'm lucky in that my kid's have fostered good relations with the decent ones so don't really want to interact anymore with the dodgy ones. So you have my sympathies if not any practical help.

miggser Sat 10-Oct-15 07:49:03

Oh that's awful especially on your side too, parenting is hard enough without feeling like you have to protect them from the people you are supposed to be able to trust! It's a flaming nightmare, my sil stays next door to my mil so whenever my little girl goes to her grans my sil is usually there. My sil has done loads of other stuff too, used my name to get a job then left without notice, she just walks straight into our house and helps herself to stuff, I really feel like sometimes she's pushing me to see how long I won't say anything for! And the way she treats her husband, she orders him around left right and centre and he doesn't seem to see it, they came round last night for my dh's birthday and she said he wasnt getting a big piece of cake because he is overweight in front of us all! She is a nasty bully. Aaaaaahhhhhh she is so annoying! Thanks for listening I feel better just having a rant!

DoreenLethal Sat 10-Oct-15 07:52:18

My sil has done loads of other stuff too, used my name to get a job then left without notice, she just walks straight into our house and helps herself to stuff, I really feel like sometimes she's pushing me to see how long I won't say anything for!

Then start saying something then. Why are you letting her walk all over you?

miggser Sat 10-Oct-15 07:52:57

I hope like you my daughter won't like her when she can make up her own mind, she ALWAYS picks my little girl up and goes out the room with her at family gatherings and I usually follow desperately trying to think of an excuse to get her back!

Plumm Sat 10-Oct-15 07:59:28

You don't need an excuse, just take your dd from her and say 'she's happy where she is, leave her.'

sparkleup Sat 10-Oct-15 08:06:18

I think sadly you are either going to have to stand up and be counted but 'become the bad guy', or suck it up and wait until DD decides she doesn't want to randomly be picked up and kicks off herself. But if you wait for that, make sure you're practiced enough to not apologise for normal child behaviour. 'She's a child, its what they do' should cover it (though 'that's ok honey, you don't have to be picked up if you don't want to be' to DD could be hilarious if you could stand the fall out wink)

hedgehogsdontbite Sat 10-Oct-15 08:13:20

Your DH needs a kick up the arse. His first priority should be protecting his daughter from harm not protecting adults from hurt feelings. Stop toeing the line and stand up for your DD. Your SIL sounds like a brat.

miggser Sat 10-Oct-15 08:14:04

Good advice doreenlethal and plumm, I haven't said anything yet as my husband doesn't want to have fall outs and potentially alienate his brother they lost their dad not long ago.

miggser Sat 10-Oct-15 08:17:48

She is a total brat hedgehogsdontbite.

Duckdeamon Sat 10-Oct-15 08:19:18

For a start, stop letting her pick the baby up and walk off with her! Never leave her alone with her and if DH can't be trusted to do likewise then he shouldn't take DC to theirs without you. Reduce time spent with her if you can.

Your DH also needs to adjust his priorities. Sad that he's lost his dad but toxic family dynamics and appeasing unreasonable people shouldn't trump his responsibility for his child's safety.

miggser Sat 10-Oct-15 12:03:18

Thanks for all your view points, need to revisit this with my dh again! Forgot to mention about sil she actually wore white to my wedding too that pretty much sums her up! Oh and the Greek authorities were looking for her about a courts summons over there for an assault charge, she is an ex model who has now put on a bit of weight so she is a big person and I'm really small, I am actually pretty scared of her!

miggser Sat 10-Oct-15 12:42:32

ALSO!!! Just going to give you all the full picture, she organised her wedding within 2 months and made it 4 weeks after my little girl was born and I'm nearly sure it was to divert attentionaway from my little girls arrival, she doesnt have kids and now I feel like my life has turned into that freaky film the hand that rocks the cradle! It's awful. She stays less than 1 km from us too. I will defo be stronger and do as you have suggested and do not worry I make sure my wee girl is never r left with her alone.

miggser Mon 22-Aug-16 12:17:04

I have managed to avoid her pretty well for the last while but she turned up to my daughter's birthday party yesterday with her mum and dad! Who are unrelated and weren't invited, she fits the description of a narcissist well and have been warned against confrontation with them as they can turn nasty, anyone else got and advice?

worldsworstchildren Mon 22-Aug-16 14:11:02

Your DH should speak to his brother full stop. If it was mil that would be he advice on here so don't think it is any different.
Confrontation can be difficult but upside to it is that once it's out in the open its far easier then to avoid the person as everyone knows how you feel worked for me anyway.
I wouldn't worry too much about her parents turning up. Yes it's rude etc but it will detract from the main issues.
It's his brother's wife so he has to be one to sort out I think.

Spaghettidog Mon 22-Aug-16 14:15:03

Look, you need to get over your fear of confrontation and actually speak up. You're the mother here. SIL wearing white to your wedding and the fact you don't like her and the Greek authorities and her marriage are complete red herrings, but if she's rough with your baby or neglects her, you need to stop being so helpless and waiting for someone else to intervene.

Chottie Mon 29-Aug-16 20:23:39

Look, you need to get over your fear of confrontation and actually speak up. You're the mother here. SIL wearing white to your wedding and the fact you don't like her and the Greek authorities and her marriage are complete red herrings, but if she's rough with your baby or neglects her, you need to stop being so helpless and waiting for someone else to intervene.

This x 100 times

Your DD can't speak for herself, you are her mother, you need to be there for her now!

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