Don't think I can be a Godmother to this child

(6 Posts)
Ilovemytwins Wed 15-Jul-15 01:18:06

I will try to keep this short, sorry if it is long!

Growing up I was really friendly with the girl across the road. We went to nursery, primary and secondary school together. After this we lost touch, and went on with separate lives. I got married in 05 and it took me 6 years via ivf to have my twin daughters in 2012. We had no contact for 15+ years, out of the blue she found me on Facebook and we started texting. She found out in October she was having triplets, and as I have twins she wanted my advice and support. I was the 1st person she told and I helped her out as much as I could given she lives 30 mins away, I don't have a car all the time, and have a husband with a chronic illness (muscular dystrophy) and young twins myself. Fast forward to the birth, she has three beautiful girls. Again I visit the hospital and help out when I can. We txt till late most nights as they are all in nicu for some time. One of mine went to nicu, so I was trying to reassure her about it all. Its my nature to help, I wouldn't see my worst enemy upset I just cant handle people upset it at all. Anyway to now.....She asked me to be a Godmother to one of the babies, I was so pleased but things went downhill. She met my girls but didn't really take to them, took offence if they wouldn't kiss "Auntie" bye bye, called them really nasty if they wouldn't share with her oldest child (1.5) they were only 2 at the time. More things went on and I am nervous of having the twins around her, I worried they were to boisterous for her eldest daughter and was scared she would comment on them all the time.

Things just don't add up, she rang me early one morning before a scan asking if I could have the eldest daughter till they got back, no problem I said, Next news was it was ok they were on there way back. But it turns out that she rang her dad to take daughter to the hospital to be with my friend and her grandma for 2 hours wait. Well why arrange to leave her with me in the 1st place? I only know this because I went round to see her mum and dad after she had the babies, and they said it was odd that she made him (her dad) take the two year old to the hospital 30 mins away when she had arranged me to have her. She puts her 2 year old to bed at 3 in the afternoon for the night because she is tired and feeds her Heinz pasta jars/puddings as she (the mum) hates mess. She told me her husband has to have a cooked meal ready for when he comes home from work and the house clean as "he is traditional like that". He wouldn't hold the triplets or get up with them as "he is cranky if he doesn't get 10 hours sleep". He doesn't like to speak to people, she has told me he doesn't like to speak and people have thought he was mute in the past. Sorry but did he not create them with her? I was quite taken a back by her saying all that. He has the final say in the house, and has the final say on everything in their lives.

They know I have always posted my girls on Facebook, but recently they started to post how my they feel they are being better parents for not posting their girls on there, In case of paedophiles. Well that made me feel odd, yes its every parents choice, but to keep posting about it is just odd to me. Paedophiles are everywhere not just on fb they can be in schools, churches, public services etc. Well this week after arranging to meet on Friday she then decided she was busy, she posted tonight the triplets have been accepted for media advertising. Sorry but they wont have them on fb because they are protecting them, but then media advertising??? I have a really good gut instinct, and I just feel like I am making a huge mistake if I get involved with them long term. I know its a big thing to pull out with 3 weeks to go, but I can just see the future with them. My husband and twins saw them for the 1st time this weekend and there was no introduction, my husband thought it was really rude. Her husband just blanked us all. I can't do this, I cannot be involved long term with them. But how the hell do I say it now. I really don't know what to do at all.

I just feel awful about how I feel. Not judging her parenting with the 2 year old, but she gets upset when she gets up at 4/5 am. If I put my twins to be at 3pm they would be up then! I have suggested she give her a nap, and put her to bed at 7pm. But she wont have it, 3pm is her bedtime. I feel so sad for her. She is a lovely little girl, but I can only advise her mum.

Please help me, I feel horrible,
Thankyou Xxx

bellabelly Wed 15-Jul-15 01:25:29

Your instincts are right. She is a loon. Or is acting like one because she is scared to stand up to her very odd husband. Either way, I would run for the hills and not look back, to be honest...

Ilovemytwins Wed 15-Jul-15 01:44:04

Thankyou Bellabelly, I appreciate the reply. I know what I need to do deep down. But I am going to hate doing it. Xxx

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty Wed 15-Jul-15 02:22:32

I'd cut my ties with her. If I was brave I would also say that I thought she was making some decisions which would make it more difficult for her in the long run (and give her the number for Womens Aid)

RockinHippy Wed 15-Jul-15 03:42:10

Trust your instincts, cut ties & run for the hills

In the circumstances maybe lying that you are DH have just found out that you are facing redundancy, so you are now looking to emigrate & you realise it wouldn't work for you to be GM from the other side of the worldwink so she needs to find someone else.

& I agree with closer as far as giving her the number for women's aid & telling her you have concerns about the bizarreness of her relationship- you have nothing to lose after all & it just might sow the seeds that lead her to leaving in future

Good luck

Ilovemytwins Wed 15-Jul-15 08:30:18

Thankyou for your replies, Closer I am absolutely not brave! I really wish I was. RockinHippy love the idea ;). I am going to try and tell her what I think. But it's so difficult, I need to get on with it ASAP. I just wish now i hadn't said yes in the 1st place! Thanks again everyone. Xxx

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