Feel like I'm doing all the leg work keeping in touch with DH's family!

(6 Posts)
Sapphire18 Tue 07-Jul-15 12:58:51

Feeling frustrated that I seem to be more interested in keeping in touch with DH's family than he is. For example, I regularly communicate with his sisters, and they with me, via email, text and Facebook. He does a bit, but less often. I regularly suggest he should phone the family to try to encourage him to have a chat with them now and again, but he doesn't seem that bothered, and they don't tend to phone either.

I realise everyone is different with amount you use the phone etc. but the really annoying thing is I think to ask them things (e.g. what have they been doing, how's things, when will we next see them), and end up having to report back to him. He finds it weird that he didn't hear first hand, but it's because he didn't ask! When I try to explain this he says they know where he is and will be in touch when they want him, but I think he needs to make more effort. It extends into other things too - e.g. I sort out birthdays, Christmas presents, remember important occasions we need to mark etc. and he thanks me for doing it but doesn't seem bothered if it doesn't happen.

The result is I feel annoyed at doing the leg work, and frustrated at poor communication on both sides, and just feel like the go between. He tells me not to do it then but I feel bad as I think it is very important to keep in touch with family.

How have others coped with similar situations?

AnyFucker Tue 07-Jul-15 13:01:05

just stop

Gemauve Tue 07-Jul-15 13:07:15

I regularly suggest he should phone the family to try to encourage him to have a chat with them now and again, but he doesn't seem that bothered, and they don't tend to phone either.

So stop, then. Not your problem.

He tells me not to do it then but I feel bad as I think it is very important to keep in touch with family.

He disagrees. Why are you making this your problem?

Sapphire18 Tue 07-Jul-15 13:10:41

I guess because I care about people getting birthday cards, Christmas presents, phonecalls on important occasions, people interested if they are visiting a nearby city etc.?

AnyFucker Tue 07-Jul-15 13:11:21

looks like you are falling into that trap of thinking that women (alone) need to shoulder the responsibility for family communication

why is it your job ?

Gemauve Tue 07-Jul-15 13:12:57

I guess because I care about people getting birthday cards, Christmas presents, phonecalls on important occasions, people interested if they are visiting a nearby city etc.?

They aren't your family. They aren't your responsibility. His relationship with his family is on his terms, not yours.

My sister in law has a very different relationship with her family than with mine, and my parents (her in-laws) are sometimes non-plussed at the expectations she has of regular and detailed communication. Not all families operate the same, and presumably he's perfectly able to run relationships with his family as his family expects.

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