Do I ask why I've not been invited?

(8 Posts)
MarchEliza Wed 13-Aug-14 11:38:46

So to cut a long story short – I have a good circle of friends that I went to school/uni with, who I’ve been friends with for about 17 years. For quite a long time we all lived quite near each other and saw each other all of the time, but as we’ve all bought houses, got married, moved for jobs and started families, we have inevitably drifted further apart and so see each other less frequently now.

I work in marketing and spend quite a bit of my time on social media, so at the start of this year, I made the decision to take myself off Facebook as it was doing my head in a bit, and I felt that I lived on it. I didn’t make a flouncy point about this and didn’t make any announcements before disappearing as I didn’t want to seem like an attention-seeking nit-wit.

The direct consequence of this action is that I now never get invited to anything, even the (big group) birthday celebrations of close friends and I feel really hurt and left out when I find out about things after the event.

I mentioned this to one of my friends and she now (really kindly) texts me when something is going on so I can come, however the more paranoid part of my nature makes me feel that I am simply turning up for things that I have not been invited to… And the other part of me feels that these people have my email address and telephone number, so really why can’t they make the effort??

Anyway – the point is I’ve just been told about a birthday do that is taking place this weekend and I don’t know whether to:

a)Just go along and act as if I’ve been invited (it’s nothing formal – just drinks in a pub)
b)Not go along and wait until the year 2029 when someone notices that I am not getting invited to anything (never going to happen)
c)Contact the birthday person and just ask if it would be ok if I came?

What would you do? I know this sounds really pathetic but I do feel really sad to be forgotten about all the time sad

VanGogh Wed 13-Aug-14 11:43:01

Get yourself back on Facebook.

It's rightly or wrongly become a shortcut for people.

I have a friend who took himself off and it feels like every event with that friendship group is arranged via group messages etc and then you have to do something different to include him. It's not personal, it's people forgetting or wrongly assuming that everyone important's on their Facebook

jwpetal Wed 13-Aug-14 11:51:19

I would call your friend. If these are good friends, then they won't mind and perhaps, it is worth telling your good friends that you are not on facebook and why. In my group of friends, we use facebook and texting. That way we are all covered. We are all busy with work, children and life and can't expect us to all look. I also have my facebook email my group messages and invites. I don't need to see status updates etc. that way i only go on to facebook when replying to invites or personal messages.

I have twice not followed up on something and then later realized I was invited and the others were confused why I was not there. Instead of expecting them to be chasing you, you should call them. You might you have a lovely conversation and a stronger bond with your friends. Calling is an underrated way of keeping in contact.

MarchEliza Thu 14-Aug-14 10:03:41

Hello - thanks for your responses. I think VanGogh that I might have to relent and go back on FB - but it will be a bit of a performance as for work related reasons I couldn't deactivate my profile but had to strip it out - therefore going back on Facebook will probably involve creating a whole new profile... Oh well.

I did text them in the end and it is all sorted out - my paranoia just got the better of me and I am looking forward to seeing them at the weekend. x

Heyho111 Sat 16-Aug-14 11:32:19

Get back on FB and only add the important people.

BrieAndChilli Sat 16-Aug-14 11:36:18

They probably haven't realised you left facebook as it doesn't notify you when someone defriends you so unless you told them they wouldn't notice so they are probably wondering why you never RSVP or turn up to anything!

nicename Sat 16-Aug-14 11:43:12

God no, keep off faceache. I can't stand it and everyone knows that I just don't 'do' it. I am treated like a dinosaur but I don't care!

Just make sure that everyone knows. Better than being held hostage to it (updating or making comments in case people take the huff). Do you really need to know that a friend of a friend's cat just coughed up a furball?

Middleagedmotheroftwo Sat 16-Aug-14 11:54:16

I have a friend who doesn't have fb and who doesn't "do" email. Its a pita for everyone else who agrees meet ups etc via email and/or fb. We're always forgetting about her and therefore arranging things when she can't make it as she has no say in the conversation.
Someone always has to remember to make a point of texting/phoning her, and we often forget.
I think you have to bow to technology and join in with your friends on fb.

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