Regarding exP and school fees?

(9 Posts)
gingercat2 Wed 30-Jul-14 13:56:19

ExP has only paid one third of school fees this term instead of half, which has been our agreement (verbal only) since DD was enrolled.

It turns out she (I am female too)has decided that since she only has DD one third of the time, she only needs to pay one third of school fees.

The thing is that there is a court order which gives her joint parental responsibly, and I agreed to exactly what she asked for, which was one third of the time.

Anyway I'm not sure what to do. I'm not well off, and the extra money for fees will have to be found from sacrificing something else in the budget. DD is only in year one, so lots of school years ahead. So I don't really want to agree to paying two-thirds of fees for another eleven years. ExP pays no child support.

But if I only pay my half, then it brings the school into this problem, which I would find shameful and embarrassing. ExP went into school last week and paid one third. I went online to pay my half today and realised what she had done. I am the account-holder with school, so if I only pay half they will have to chase me for the remainder. It's a smallish school in a smallish town so I feel extremely reluctant to bring a personal problem into the school situation. Plus it's not fair on school for me/exP to withhold fees and make them do extra work chasing the money.

Help! What would you do?

NorwaySpruce Wed 30-Jul-14 14:03:40

Switch to a school you can afford alone, or a state school.

Your ex is unlikely to become more reasonable as the years go by.

gingercat2 Wed 30-Jul-14 14:24:45

Yes I have considered that. I'm reluctant to move DD as I'm very happy with the school. However the local state school does have a great reputation and we know many families who go there. It was exP's choice for DD to go to private school, so if changing schools was the only option for me financially she may decide to help out more with fees again. But it seems a shame to move DD just because ExP is being a twat.

Vitalstatistix Wed 30-Jul-14 14:33:44

What about telling her that if it is her choice to nit pay the half agreed, then the child will have to go to X school instead, which you are happy with but if she isn't, then she needs to pay the agreed amount.

It really is best to sort it now. Easier for her to switch now than in 2, 3, 4 years when friendships are well established and it's harder for her to transition.

AuntieStella Wed 30-Jul-14 14:40:32

Well, unless you want to be subject to u-turns and other disruptions throughout DD's childhood you need a proper settlement now (agreement on fees and CM).

If you do not think that will be forthcoming, you need to:

a) check the T&Cs of the school. Usually you hav to give a full terms notice.

b) pay up the outstanding bit of next term's fees. And give formal notice of intention to leave.

c) apply for state schools

(d) idc pursue for maintenance)

Yes, change will be disruptive for DD. but better dealt with now, and put on a footing that you can sustain regardless of what XP gets up to, than have it as running ggravation for th next 12 or do years.

Now, it's possible that taking step will make XP promise the earth to keep her in the school etc etc. Do not rely on that. Get proper agreements drawn up.

gingercat2 Wed 30-Jul-14 14:41:57

True, good advice. ....although I'm seeing the sense of this advice from an objective perspective, reading these responses is I think making me realize how much I don't want to have to change DD's school. That is a helpful insight in itself. Maybe I'll have to be prepared to suck it up. But it could certainly be worth explaining to exP that changing schools is the only option.

DD would be happy to change, but I feel that she is so settled at school now -knows everyone and all the routines etc.

gingercat2 Wed 30-Jul-14 14:46:08

Auntie thank you for that very practical advice. It feels so expensive to spend money on legal stuff but I suppose in the long run it's cheaper than paying the difference in school fees for eleven years.
Child support is a no-hoper I'm afraid as exP runs a totally cash-based business sad

gingercat2 Wed 30-Jul-14 14:47:07

Auntie thank you for that very practical advice. It feels so expensive to spend money on legal stuff but I suppose in the long run it's cheaper than paying the difference in school fees for eleven years.
Child support is a no-hoper I'm afraid as exP runs a totally cash-based business sad

ScrambledEggAndToast Tue 12-Aug-14 12:39:22

FGS, your daughter isn't pay per view. What a terrible attitude your ex has. The important element isn't that she has her 1/3 of the time, it's that she has joint parental responsibility. That means, financially she should share the burden equally. I would go to your solicitor and get this sorted, if you want her to remain in this school then this would probably work out cheaper in the long run.

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