Family problems..... Nan died.

(2 Posts)
Lepaskilf Wed 30-Jul-14 10:09:26

Bit of back story..... My dad died when I was little, his family blamed my mum for this, resulting in them not being very nice to her (coming round to the house shouting abuse, throwing paint at the house etc..) so my mum moved us away from them... about an hour away. She did a good job while we were kids of taking us to visit grandparents every month. But as we got older, I moved further away, full time job and now have 2 children. Same as my sister, the visits became less.

We called every couple of months, but then sometimes it'd go 6 months before we'd call. I had nothing in common with them, my children didn't know them and just life getting in the way..... Also, it was always one sided (on our part) and it got to the point where if I left it too long to call then I'd get an earful, which resulted in me calling less and less.

Well the last time I called it was March. Then last week my mum was flicking through the local paper (of where my grandparents are from) and there was an obituary notice, stating that my Nan had died a week ago and that the funeral was in a few days time (this was last week, funeral was yesterday).

NO ONE had chosen to tell me or my sister about this. Obviously we are very upset. I called my Aunty and she said that my grandad is very upset that we didn't keep in contact more and that I should leave it for a few weeks before contacting him. I am so upset and so cross at the same time, it's one thing for me not to call more but it's another for them (Granddad, 3 Aunties, 1 Uncle) not to tell me that my Nan had died, or invite us to her funeral! If it wasn''t for my mum seeing it in the paper then we'd be none the wiser until we called them!

I don't know what to do, part of me wants to call and explain how upset I am, and sorry that I didn't call more. But on the other hand, I have very little to do with any of them and only ever spoke to my nan when I called so maybe I should just cut my losses and not contact them ever again!

Seabright Sun 03-Aug-14 00:44:42

I would call or write. Presumably the lack of contact works both ways? They could have called you, but didn't?

Your Grandfather may well be angry, so be prepared for this - anger is a very common stage of grief, even without other factors.

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