A horrible, horrible thing happened****warning, potential trigger****

(250 Posts)
JustDontWantToSay Sun 29-Jun-14 09:14:05

I'm going to keep this as vague as possible because I don't want my friend to find out.
Last night I stayed with my friend and her husband - known them a long time, stayed many times before.
We went out for dinner, we'd all been drinking (not silly amounts) and then we sat down to watch a film. I fell asleep during the film and when I woke up my friend had gone to bed and her husband had changed the channel to soft core porn and had his fingers inside me. I immediately pushed him away but he was resistant and when I managed to scramble away he started a conversation about the porn! I was so utterly shocked that I just left the room immediately and went to bed.
I've now woken up, I'm still here, WWYD??

KarlWrenbury Sun 29-Jun-14 09:16:42

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SpottedTent Sun 29-Jun-14 09:16:45

I'm sorry that this has happened to you. You need to call the police. This man has sexually assaulted you. Please be brave.

Coughle Sun 29-Jun-14 09:18:17

Yes, police. And tell the wife. So sorry this happened, you must feel sickened. What a horrible thing to do.

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gaggiagirl Sun 29-Jun-14 09:19:59

Leave. Get out of there and get to somewhere safe.

how do you feel about reporting him? He sexually assaulted you whilst you were sleeping and couldn't stop him.

So sorry this has happened to you.

TheGirlFromIpanema Sun 29-Jun-14 09:20:44

I'd like to say I would go and quietly explain to him (out of earshot but still in view of others) that I was leaving and going directly to the police station to report him for assault.

Then I would do exactly that.

Not sure if this is what would actually happen though, and whatever you do can't be wrong. You poor thing thanks You know he sexually assaulted you and tried to make light of it right? It happens. Yuk. Happened to another poster on here a while ago, she was shell shocked too.

Sending hugs. Sure someone with better help will be along soon.

weeonion Sun 29-Jun-14 09:21:35

Take a deep breath.

get up and go home.

phone your local rape crisis centre.

phone the police.

phone someone you know and trust to come round and be there with you.

This is an awful thing to have happened to you.

xx

I'm so sorry this has happened, you must feel terrible. Can you bring yourself to tell your friend? Whether you can or not, you do need to report him.

tribpot Sun 29-Jun-14 09:22:44

Well, you could go for the full-on confrontation, tell your friend exactly what happened. You have no reason to be embarrassed - her husband has committed a crime. However, this is giving him a warning that you may go to the police and give him the chance to pre-empt you.

On the other hand, you are probably shellshocked by what happened (and what might have happened) and just want to get to a place of safety. So I would get your stuff and get out if you think you're safe to drive (I assume you do have a car with you?).

Then I would go to the police. You've been assaulted. Don't shower (although I would imagine swabbing for evidence may be unlikely, other posters will have better advice on that). You need to call a friend who can come and be with you and watch over you today, you're in shock.

Do you have someone you can call?

Do not approach him if possible OP, don't threaten him with the police. He will simply try and cover his own back by pointing the finger at you.

Leave as soon as you safely can. I would urge you to go immediately to the police, but that is your decision to make.

You have no obligation to explain yourself to his wife, or him. The only contact with this disgusting person should be from the police.

weeonion Sun 29-Jun-14 09:25:35

i wouldnt confront him - he is likely to deny it, say you imagined it or twist it. You do not need to hear that. It is unlikely your friend will be able to take it on board or deal with it either.

You need to get somewhere were you feel safe and secure.

lettertoherms Sun 29-Jun-14 09:27:15

Go home. Call the police. I'm so sorry OP.

You may want to avoid showering, changing, or using the loo if you can manage.

gamerchick Sun 29-Jun-14 09:29:28

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BeCool Sun 29-Jun-14 09:32:38

Why don't you want your friend to find out?

JustDontWantToSay Sun 29-Jun-14 09:34:55

I don't feel like I can report him - the wife is such a good friend and it would cause huge problems. And it's going to be my word against his - he could easily say that I've made it up or consented.
I feel like curling up somewhere far far away. And no, sad though it sounds, I don't have anyone to call.
I do have my car here, I'm going to get dressed and get out. Hopefully without seeing anyone.

FuturePerfect Sun 29-Jun-14 09:35:30

Unfortunately I know only too well what happens when you just try to 'forget' something like this and carry on.

It doesn't go away.

Please do not make allowances for this person. He knew very well what he was doing, and intended to do this to you.

You have been assaulted and this is a crime.

Be brave now - it will help in the future.

Tell the Police and tell your friend. Do not engage with him.

JustDontWantToSay Sun 29-Jun-14 09:37:39

Gamerchick - not bullshit.
I'm in a horrible situation and I just don't know what to do for the best. I'm not in danger though.
I don't want my friend to find out because I'm protecting her I suppose.

KarlWrenbury Sun 29-Jun-14 09:38:23

option 1
go home say nothing protect friendship

option 2
go home call police lose friendship

OK. Let's just focus on you getting out of there for now. One thing at a time. Where are you in the house? Is there much chance of you leaving without coming across either of them?

AnonButRegular Sun 29-Jun-14 09:40:06

I would stay in the room, call the police, give them your friends address and wait until they knock at the door.

He will have no chance to concoct a story, your friend will see his immediate reaction and you will get out safely.

So sorry he did that to you.

CaptainSinker Sun 29-Jun-14 09:42:40

Can you leave?

I don't know that you can protect your friend. I can't help but think it is more damaging for her to be in a relationship like this. The truth will come out at some point with a man like this (whether you or someone else).

Sorry you are going through this.

CaptainSinker Sun 29-Jun-14 09:45:47

If you could consider calling the police they might be able to recover evidence unless he has washed his hands very thoroughly.

MaryWestmacott Sun 29-Jun-14 09:45:49

one step at a time, get dressed and leave. Go home, decide then if you are going to report.

However, forget 'protecting the friendship' - you aren't going to be able to be friends with her again. Your friendship with her is over, if she finds out the reason or not is the only quesiton.

Personally, I think you should report, but get out of there first.

Actually I agree with Anon. Her suggestion relieves you of having to extract yourself from the situation whilst still maintaining a facade to protect your friend. His immediate reaction will tell her what she needs to know.

It is not you who should be worrying about his wife's reaction. His behaviour is what caused this. You have done nothing wrong.

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