Are they expecting a meal??

(24 Posts)
iMN Sat 28-Jun-14 08:09:45

First visit by a relative and his wife to our house. They are in their early 60s. First visit because we've never lived close enough to each other before and also because his wife suffers bad depression and often struggles to leave the house (so this invitation acceptance is a significant one for her, fair play).

We agreed a while back on a visit this weekend. Then yesterday they messaged to ask if 1 o'clock was ok. I agreed, because it was, and because I assumed it was considered a post-lunch visit. But now I'm probably overthinking it and wondering whether they assume an invitation to sunday dinner??

Thoughts please - do you think they assume a meal for that time? And would you ask them directly about it beforehand and risk upsetting/putting off a highly depressed person?

Mumof3xox Sat 28-Jun-14 08:11:44

Perhaps ring them and say we eat at X o clock, we will be having xyz would you like to join us or come afterwards?

nilbyname Sat 28-Jun-14 08:12:07

I would say that was smack bang lunch time, but I wouldn't do a roast, I would do afew platters of things you could help yourself to or not.

Cold meats, salads, cheeses, crudités, dips and the like.

petalsandstars Sat 28-Jun-14 08:15:04

We'd have eaten by then usually due to young DCs so I'd ask them directly if they were eating before they came or would they like lunch here.

Plus we don't do Sunday dinner at lunchtime grin

bakingaddict Sat 28-Jun-14 08:15:11

I wouldn't directly ask but would offer them something to eat whilst they are visiting you, roast a big chicken and go for a cold buffet type lunch. That way if there are any left-overs you can have it the next day or in the evening

iMN Sat 28-Jun-14 08:35:08

Thanks for responses smile

I do think that their suggestion of 1pm assumes a family meal, both due to their generation iykwim, and because they are travelling 45 mins minimum to get to us.

But then I keep going in circles, thinking what if they don't think that and they are embarrassed by the food being served...but asking them directly would also embarrass them...

Hmm it just has to be a cold buffet thing, doesn't it!

RudyMentary Sat 28-Jun-14 08:39:04

Ask them if they would like to join you for lunch?

Cerisier Sat 28-Jun-14 08:41:42

Just text and say when would you like to eat and are there any food preferences you need to be aware of.

Cerisier Sat 28-Jun-14 08:43:14

We usually eat a brunch at 11am on weekends and then a meal later. We never eat at 12 noon. My parents do the same. Don't assume they'll be hungry.

MaryWestmacott Sat 28-Jun-14 08:43:41

Call and invite them to lunch, say that your dcs need to eat earlier, I agree with cold platters, if she struggles with leaving the house, they might be late.

iMN Sat 28-Jun-14 08:44:35

That's what I'd like to do but what if they are embarrassed because they always thought it was for lunch grin

Quite the annoying overthinking OP, aren't I?! grin

iMN Sat 28-Jun-14 08:46:01

Sorry, that was @ rudymentary

iMN Sat 28-Jun-14 08:47:36

Yes, asking about food preferences is a good way to go, gives them leeway to say not to worry about feeding them.

RudyMentary Sat 28-Jun-14 08:52:10

grin not overthinking - it's tricky.

You could word it like you assumed they were coming for lunch iyswim. I would text back and ask if there was anything they didn't like or couldn't eat.

RudyMentary Sat 28-Jun-14 08:52:29

Ah - xpost

Hakluyt Sat 28-Jun-14 08:54:25

I would ring and say that you were assuming they were coming for lunch, but suddenly had a panic that they might already have eaten- they do want lunch, don't they? It's much easier to say oh, no we're eating earlier/later than oh, we thought we were having lunch with you. If you see what I mean.

If they are having lunch somewhere else, some canapés and wine would be a good idea- particularly if it might be a bit awkward. The anxious guest might welcome something to hide behind.

PintOfWine Sat 28-Jun-14 10:54:16

If they're leaving their house 11.30-12 to come to yours, they are coming to lunch.

Best to ask them about meal preferences now. If they planned a late breakfast, they can now skip it and have lunch at yours. Otherwise, they will turn up expecting lunch and be embarrassed by cold cuts.

Reminds me of time I invited friend for dinner and catch up. She shows up with new fiancé in tow. I had to pretend I had an upset stomach and sit at table watching him wolf down my entree as I "settled" my stomach with toast.

neolara Sat 28-Jun-14 11:00:06

If you don't ask them, then you run the risk of a) them arriving hungry and you already having eaten or b) them arriving full and then potentially having to eat another full meal out of politeness.

You HAVE to ask them. Not asking them will turn a potentially slightly awkward situation into a potentially massively awkward situation.

iMN Sat 28-Jun-14 11:53:24

You are very right.

Ok. Will message them right now and will update.

iMN Sat 28-Jun-14 11:54:00

(Because of course you are all on tenterhooks waiting to hear what happens grin)

iMN Sat 28-Jun-14 12:53:29

Well, I asked if there was anything they didn't eat and they asked 'what are you thinking of doing??'
Think I'm none the wiser smile

Squeegle Sat 28-Jun-14 12:56:16

Ha ha! Unbelievable, can you ring and ask them? I would be the same as you, so I don't think it would be at all unusual to ring and say- oh you are coming to lunch aren't you?

clam Sat 28-Jun-14 12:59:38

For a 1pm arrival time I would definitely assume they were expecting to eat. An afternoon visit would start later, and a morning visit much earlier. What you provide is up to you.

iMN Sat 28-Jun-14 13:00:05

We tend to communicate online not telephone.
Just got another message saying they'll eat anything so I guess that's all settled then smile they either assumed a meal in the first place or they are going along with it so as not to now appear rude grin but at least no surprises or hunger for anyone tomorrow!

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