Advice for friend after her son wandered into road

(35 Posts)
EvaBeaversProtege Fri 20-Jun-14 22:43:38

My friend's little one is two years old.

Today he was at his childminders house when he walked out her lane way right into the road and was returned by a passing motorist.

The lane from her house to the country road is quite long, so the little one was unattended for some time to allow him to go that far.

My friend called me after work as she was incredibly annoyed about the incident.

The childminder only told her on pick up and made light of the incident.

As an added bit of info, and so as not to be accused of drip feeding, the childminder is also my friend's SIL.

This has caused her ILs to 'side' with the childminder, say no harm was done & to want to move on.

Friend, understandably doesn't want to cause a rift in the family but also needs to know her child will be safe when she's at work.

My immediate advice & gut feeling is 'screw family, your child needs to come first' which she said she agrees with, but wants to avoid a family row.

WWYD if you were her? Or have you any more advice I can pass on to her?

We discussed how it may have turned out very differently, it's a very busy country lane with a freight yard a few miles up the road, her child could have wandered down a marsh or been picked up by a total stranger. I know he wasn't, but the potential was there.

FourForksAche Fri 20-Jun-14 22:45:06

jeez! it IS a big deal. New childcare needed.shock

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Fri 20-Jun-14 22:48:28

Fuck yes, sack her, she's incompetent!

Doinmummy Fri 20-Jun-14 22:51:18

How about she talks to her SIL to see how this can be prevented from happening again? I bet the SIL was a bit shaken as well and is probably thinking ' Oh Shit'

EvaBeaversProtege Fri 20-Jun-14 22:54:32

Friend asked childminder/SIL if she could put steps in place before Monday to ensure this wouldn't happen again.

I also forgot to put in OP, childminders own child wandered into the road about 2 years ago & clearly she didn't learn.

I know my advice to her was to arrange a day off in Monday to get new child care in place!

FourForksAche Fri 20-Jun-14 23:04:18

I can't see this working out. the convenience and cost benefit just aren't worth the risk.

BrianTheMole Fri 20-Jun-14 23:06:55

New childcare. Absolutely not worth the risk. No way would I carry on. Fuck the family rift, the alternative consequences could be devastating.

KaFayOLay Fri 20-Jun-14 23:07:31

New child care, without a doubt!

bearwithspecs Fri 20-Jun-14 23:10:14

Change childminder - no debate

NatashaBee Fri 20-Jun-14 23:21:27

New CM. If I had the slightest inclination to keep using her, it would be entirely shattered by the fact that she made light of the incident.

EvaBeaversProtege Fri 20-Jun-14 23:25:32

Absolutely.

But my judgement may be clouded by the fact I never felt her childminder respected her.

She was always good to the child, but never kept her updated with his daily goings on, ie: meals, naps etc

I use a childminder too & they are worlds apart. Today when the incident happened, the childminder was seeing to a younger mindee, but left friend's child outside alone.

FishWithABicycle Fri 20-Jun-14 23:28:32

If it hadn't happened before I would say she should trust SIL/CM to learn from the experience. But it has happened before and she didn't, so yes she should find different childcare. or demand full nannycam coverage of the whole house so that friend can log in and check up on her DS any time (and take screengrabs for evidence if she sees anything untoward)

FourForksAche Fri 20-Jun-14 23:41:05

don't think she'd tolerate a nannycam.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone Fri 20-Jun-14 23:49:15

Jesus Christ.

New childcare.

And the slightest hint of frostiness from any of the family would be met with both barrels. 'You know the fact that I'm a. still speaking to you and b. haven't told every one of your clients what happened? Well that's the extent of my family 'loyalty'. You should be fucking grateful for it!'

tribpot Fri 20-Jun-14 23:54:39

So this woman is an actual childminder? I thought she was basically just babysitting the 2 year old the way families do. But then you refer to a younger mindee as if she is actually running a business.

You do the same as you would with a proper childminder. Remove child and report if appropriate. In fact shouldn't the childminder report herself?

iK8 Fri 20-Jun-14 23:54:44

There is no way I'd let my child go back there.

zipzap Sat 21-Jun-14 00:04:40

If the SIL/CM is still making light of it I'd be tempted as the mother to ask advice from OFSTED or the appropriate person at the local council - and see if they could help her to understand why this is a bloody great huge issue and not one that should be minimized.

I realise that this could have knock on implications for the dh and his relationship with his family though so that needs to be considered before rushing into doing this. Is the sil the MIL's dd or has she married dh's brother?

if she proclaims she is a proper childminder then treat her as one exactly - particularly when things go wrong.

Hope she manages to find some good childcare she is happy with soon!

FishWithABicycle Sat 21-Jun-14 05:37:01

What BrunoBrookesDinedAlone said.

KatieKaye Sat 21-Jun-14 05:58:12

Agree with tribpot and zipzap. The way the CM is almost "brushing" this off is like she's saying "oh well, never mind".
This is not trivial. It is a huge risk to the children in her care and I'd be very worried indeed. No way would I let my child go back there. And I'd contact the LA to safeguard the other children. Not to be vindictive but because the children are at risk when they are under her care. Assuming she is registered?

EvaBeaversProtege Sat 21-Jun-14 09:53:10

No, she wasn't babysitting, she is his childminder.

She's MIL's dd (her only dd & can do no wrong) I can't understand why when she was registered a gate wasn't mentioned! Perhaps it's because it's a shared lane? And it's quite long.

I'll be speaking to friend today. Last night she said she felt like contacting the other child's parent & telling them what happened, but was afraid of starting a war.

Floralnomad Sat 21-Jun-14 09:57:14

What does your friends DH want to do ? It's his sister perhaps he should speak to her .

LIZS Sat 21-Jun-14 10:06:27

So is she a registered CM or do they just pay her to mind her nephew ? A nursery in a local town was closed down temporarily this week after a child wandered out . Has she told other mindees' parents ? What changes has she made to ensure it can't happen again ?

Unexpected Sat 21-Jun-14 10:12:30

If it was another mindee who had wandered out into the road, there's no doubt that the other parents would be making an official complaint and would be removing their child. For something like this to happen once is an accident, for it to happen and seemingly no steps be taken to prevent it happening again, is just neglectful. Don't let family "loyalty" cloud your friend's judgement on the right thing to do for her child.

Helpys Sat 21-Jun-14 10:15:04

New childcare definitely.

restandpeace Sat 21-Jun-14 10:20:14

I couldn't go to work and leave my child with her.

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