What should I do?!

(10 Posts)
ruskonmyleggings Tue 10-Jun-14 18:40:08

I am a sahm too and dh transfers me enough money when he gets paid for me to do the shopping, nappies etc and what is left is for me to go out for coffees etc etc. You need a similar arrangement as your 4wo needs you at home right now. It's tough to adjust to being a sahm but don't feel like you're worthless as what you're doing for your children is fantastic.

Droflove Mon 09-Jun-14 21:07:38

Em, this is abuse. He is surely fully aware of what he is doing. But I can tell you this is exactly what financial abuse of a spouse is. What about emergencies??? What if your child had an accident and you needed to get a taxi to a &e? I think you need to tell him how much you want/need each week for shopping, incidentals, emergency fund and your own free choice spending, nothing unreasonable but a fair amount, and if he refuses, objectively I think you need to get out of this relationship. Totally unacceptable behaviour from him and if he has a shred of decency he should be mortified to realise how his withholding of access to finances makes you feel.

Ashlinbriyoung Wed 14-May-14 00:08:53

I only get the child benefit, £20 a week, he said that should be enough for what I need it for, I'm feeling very low at the moment about this and other things i just wanna cry,

I'd like to go out with some close friends I haven't properly been out in 2 years and he keeps saying he isn't holding me back from it, but he doesn't realise I need the money and I do not want to ask for money to go out on a night out my friend was down & she was saying we should go for dinner and a drink and back home and I just sat and nodded it will never happen I can barely afford lucozade for myself never mind a night out, the other thing that has gottene down is what he said about smoking, we dot smoke we stopped when I fell pregnant and he said if we were to start back up again he would only buy his own cigarettes and is need to buy my own...I don't know how I would manage it as I have no money so he would e smoking and I wouldn't or he would maybe give me the odd one of the pack, I don't smoke and hope not to start again but that comment upset me as I know first hand how hard it is once you start not to have cigarettes. Pray that I don't slip and have one so far so good 10 months and counting smoke free! (So proud) I'm just feeling low at the moment with everything I probs sound selfish etc but I appreciate the advise thanks guys x

Joules68 Tue 13-May-14 18:37:35

Do you get tax credits/ child benefit?

HauntedNoddyCar Tue 13-May-14 18:17:47

At the very least he should be giving you some cash and get you a card for his credit card account for purchases.

He needs to get his head around sharing the family income

Ashlinbriyoung Tue 13-May-14 18:08:01

He hasn't said why, just doesn't see the point in one.
I hate very much so asking for things for myself I do not have one issue making sure my children have exactly what thy need and do not mind telling him he needs to buy things for them, but when it comes to myself I hate it I feel like I love back with my parents asking for money or saying I need new clothes I would love to be able to buy such things without saying or asking sad I'm i being selfish? I don't want to start back working just now my baby is so young ands little boy would be devestated if I went back just now but I don't know how long I can keep going with no money sad xxx

has he said why he will not consider a joint account?

Nevercan Tue 13-May-14 14:17:39

Or get a joint account and he can put money in it towards every day stuff that you can both use. He can keep an account with the rest if he wants too.

Swoosg Tue 13-May-14 06:57:36

He should give you a set amount each week that you can spend how you see fit. Awful situation to be in.

Ashlinbriyoung Tue 13-May-14 06:49:12

I have a 4 year old son which I have had 3 jobs with I didn't really like leaving him but I enjoyed working even if it was for next to nothing with paying child are etc,
But I fell pregnant and left my job my main focus was on my unborn child and my 4 yr old,
My little bundle has arrived and is 4 weeks old and I don't really want to go back to work but I hate hate hate not having money and having to depend on my partner,
For example he makes all the money and has all the debit/credit cards which is fine but when I need somethig I need to ask for it and I hate Jae hate it as I feel like I am back living with myum and dad asking for things or money, 9 times out of time he will just give me the card or what not but it's times like birthdays etc when my family's come up i feel so rubbish asking for money for things I end up leaving it to the last minute as a hate asking for money and when he says "oh I need my card or I'm not buying that it's pointless" I feel so stupid and again back to living with my parents again as a 16 year old. It's so embarrassing I can't have night outs cos I have £0.00 to my name so I'm never out with friends because I'd need to ask for money to have a night out which is so depressing cos I would lie to go to dinner with one of my closeted friends but I really hate asking for money

What I'm wondering is what you would do if you were in my situation?!

Should I get a part time job even thou baby is only 4 weeks old or what?! I'm so confused but so fed up of not having anything it would be nice to nip to co op and not need to ask for the money sad

We have been together for 5 years & he has no intention of getting a joint account!

It got to the point he was on a course last year for 1 week staying down south, we did the weekly shop made sure things were in house etc and he left £10 for the week and half way through he asked why I was so angry so I sated exactly why and his reply was "I should of left you with the credit card dunno why I didn't sorry" I had 1 week to go on with £10 I felt so stupid!

I'm not asking for the whole laucheck but something would be nice to save me feeling like a child again! I hate bein so dependent on him but I don't know what else to do sad

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