Strange/Passive Aggressive Behaviour

(7 Posts)
robynlp Tue 22-Apr-14 21:56:56

I am looking for some advice in how to deal with my mum's partner and his attitude towards my son, currently 4 months. They've been together for around 10 years, but he's only just moved in with my mum a couple of months ago, due to having children of his own. Despite knowing him for this long, I don't feel I know him very well, as he was always around on a weekend basis, mainly every other weekend or once a month. I've never really felt that comfortable around him because of the way he is with my mum; he's very "touchy-feely", not affectionate in my opinion, just inappropriate. He's extremely passive aggressive and patronising. When my son was 7 weeks old, we were round at my mum's for dinner, and he was sat in his car seat on the floor next to my mum, he couldn't see me, and as a breastfed baby he was feeding a lot. He started to cry and my mum went to pick him up, only for her partner to turn to her tell her not to, "because he has to learn". I jumped straight in and told him not to be ridiculous, he was 7 WEEKS OLD!!!
Fast forward and similar things have happened. Yesterday though, we were round at my mum's again for dinner, and my husband was cradling my son as it was time for bed, he started to cry and my mum's partner got up and took him off my husband. It's not easy in those situations to argue against something like that, for the sake of the safety of the baby's health, so he felt he just had to surrender. (We already know that he views us as just "kids" as he's implied several times, despite the fact we're both 23 and have careers). At first he held him in the same room and rocked him, but he carried on crying. He then went upstairs, and we both assumed it was just for a walk and he would be back soon, but he was gone for around 5 minutes. My husband wondered where he was and went up to find him stood in my mum's bedroom, in pitch-black darkness, but had heard my son screaming on his way up the stairs, he also thinks it could have been a bit muffled. When he went into the room, my son was still crying and screaming, and he said to my mum's partner that he'd have another go at calming him down. My mum's partner didn't say anything and handed him back to my husband.

It wasn't until we got home that I found out any of this, and I don't know what to think. My husband was pacing up and down the kitchen, as he just found it very odd that someone would take someone else's baby out of the room for a pro-longed period of time. I managed to calm him down, but I'm worried. He calls himself "granddad" which I absolutely despise. I don't even consider him my own step-dad. I have no idea how to go about this at all, I don't trust him with my son anyway because of what I've seen so far, and it would kill my mum to deny her of looking after her grandson, but I just can't deal with the fact her partner will be there all the time.

Please, any advice at all.

OldBagWantsNewBag Tue 22-Apr-14 23:17:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OldBagWantsNewBag Tue 22-Apr-14 23:21:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wishinwaitinhopin Tue 22-Apr-14 23:22:10

Don't let him have the child again please.

Nunyabiz Wed 23-Apr-14 13:35:29

Tell your mum she is welcome to come to your house any time to visit/babysit.
Next time he tries to take him I would say "do you mind handing him to me please? I don't think now is the best time for a cuddle as I need to settle/feed him".
Or just simply "please keep him here. I get quite anxious when I can't see him".
If he has some kind of go at you or takes it personally just tell him, it's nothing personal (even though it is) it's perfectly natural for a mother to feel anxious when her new baby is not around. You can always add a crack about being a mumma bear or something before he takes the piss. (Shows you don't take his shit too seriously).
If none of these sit right how about sharing with you mum how you feel? That he is undermining, that you don't know him well enough to feel comfortable with the whole 'grandad' malarky...
Hope some of this helps?

coffeehouse Fri 09-May-14 19:01:32

Trust your instincts - Always.
You need to talk your concerns through with your mum, rather then (potentially) compromising your sons well being to spare her feelings. Your son comes first now, not your mum.

ThePartyArtist Thu 05-Jun-14 15:53:52

Very odd beheaviour. Ok some of it may just be strange child rearing practices, e.g. interpreting the baby crying as 'he needs to learn'. However taking the baby away from its parents when it's crying is very strange and I'd just say be assertive about the baby not being left unattended with him.

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