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Should I confront DP that I've found this?

(87 Posts)
ThePartyArtist Fri 07-Mar-14 13:32:42

Today I had to move DP's bedside drawers and underneath it (hidden rather well) was a porn magazine and some train tickets. The first thing I noticed was the magazine and I was a bit unsure of what to make of it. I had a look though and decided although I am not particularly keen on DP having it, it was fairly harmless stuff and I was more surprised than anything, but not overly bothered. I did however think I'd probably let him know I had found it, in a fairly light-hearted way and just have a chat about it (but not be confrontational) as it's the secrecy rather than the item that concerns me.

Then I noticed there are also train tickets for a weekend away to a UK city, for two people. It may be a coincidence but it's a city we like visiting and is our nearest mini break type destination. So I thought perhaps he's booked us a surprise and that I should hide both the tickets and the magazine and pretend I never saw them. However he's told me he's working that Sunday. I texted him to double check and he confirmed this. He'll know from experience that I am likely to arrange to see friends if he's working on a day I'm off - which makes me think he's not planning a weekend away or he'd have told me to keep it free. (Could it be he's double booked himself or thought he'd lost the tickets, so arranged to work instead? Seems a long shot but I can't imagine why he'd book time away if he was working).

So I am rather bemused! I think my options are;

a) replace both items and never mention them.
b) tell him I've found them and ask what the tickets are for.
c) arrange the tickets so it looks like they've slipped out while I was moving the furniture, but I haven't noticed them.

antiabz Fri 07-Mar-14 13:58:36

I'd definitely wait for a bit.

And I'd be morbidly curious too.

It depends really, does your dh have the kind of job where he may 'have' to leave for some reason on Saturday?

Greybrows Fri 07-Mar-14 13:59:28

Agree with Sabrina above. You need to wait and see what he does with them on the Sunday, and follow him. Sorry, it's dodgy.

antiabz Fri 07-Mar-14 14:00:17

Men always think their porn stash is a safe as a bank grin

CashmereHoodlum Fri 07-Mar-14 14:00:40

Is there anything else in his behaviour that has made you suspicious? Any changes over the last few months?

Honsandrevels Fri 07-Mar-14 14:02:04

Suggest seeing friends or booking a meal for the Saturday night and see what he says? If you are going away presumably he's have to make up some excuse as to why you can't go.

Tbh most people think their DHs arent "the type" to cheat.

The statistics would tell another story.

I think just ask outright OP. Otherwise you'll drive yourself mad. I'm sure the tickets are for you anyway but if he's a good guy and not up to no good he wouldn't want you to be worried or anxious.

vikkik888 Fri 07-Mar-14 14:07:50

I think it sounds like he's planning a surprise, surely if he was going away with someone else he would've said he's working both days?

If I made plans with a friend but the day before I was whisked away on a surprise weekend I know none of my friends would have an issue with me cancelling, and he's not likely to tell you to keep it free if its a surprise, maybe he'll contact the friends you make plans with and explain..

I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Fri 07-Mar-14 14:08:56

I'd wait the 2 weeks tbh. I know it'll be agony - but I'd have to know for sure.

There are 2 explanations - he's either innocently forgotten the tickets/thought they were lost/planning surprise for you. Or he's planning going with another woman.

If you confront him now he'll claim one of the innocent explanations and you'd never be sure.

ThePartyArtist Fri 07-Mar-14 14:10:53

Thanks everyone, it'd be a pity to spoil it if it is a surprise. I know it doesn't sound great from what I have written but I really don't think he's having an affair - it'd be impossible for him to get a 10am train on the Saturday we have off together, and it's not a job where he'd need to be away overnight or anything. I guess I will just have to try really hard to not say anything, though it's going to be hard! Not saying seems like best option all round I think…

Is it this weekend OP or a long time in the future? If it's tomorrow I'd wait and see but any longer and I'd have to ask about them.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Fri 07-Mar-14 14:14:21

I'm thinking it may well be a surprise OP - is he the type to this?

Either way it's win-win - you neither spoil his surprise, nor are kept in the dark if there is another woman.

Really hope it's the former flowers

ThePartyArtist Fri 07-Mar-14 14:16:22

Thank you… two weeks to wait, arrghhghhhgh!
This is so hard not to say anything!!!!

Why don't you tell him that you're booking something expensive and non-refundable on the sunday for yourself, like theatre tickets?

I'm afraid I don't think it looks good, but you will only get bullshit from him if you ask him outright at this stage. You'll have to wait and see how it pans out.

OnlyLovers Fri 07-Mar-14 14:21:09

I think it's a surprise, going by the date details you give us. I also think the porn mag and the tickets are unrelated.

If you're not bothered about the mag, then I'd keep schtum about the tickets –although I can appreciate how hard it'll be!

sebsmummy1 Fri 07-Mar-14 14:23:31

Why would he say he was working on the Sunday? How does that fit in with the surprise theory?

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Fri 07-Mar-14 14:25:09

Yes - porn mag and tickets probably unrelated - it's just his 'super-duper' hiding place.

ThePartyArtist Fri 07-Mar-14 14:29:48

@sebsmummy1 - I've no idea! There has been one other time when he surprised me but he knows I tend to have a lot on - so he told me to keep a particular weekend free (and didn't say why until the day). He could be going for a different approach. But it's strange cos he knows I'd arrange something that Sunday.

sebsmummy1 Fri 07-Mar-14 14:50:02

I think that's the bit that would concern me, it sort of doesn't make sense.

So these tickets are two return tickets leaving on the Saturday coming back on the Sunday? They are definitely this year, not old ones?

If I was a cynic I might say that by booking the Sunday off already he has one day covered, is there anything he might be able to say nearer the time that would allow him to stay away in the Saturday night without arousing your suspicions?

ThePartyArtist Fri 07-Mar-14 15:34:30

@sebsmummy1 yes they're definitely this year - at first I thought they were used ones then I noticed the year on them. And they are for going on Saturday morning 10am and returning Sunday 6pm.

I can't think of any obvious situation in which he'd stay away on the Saturday night. He's never done that before.

In the end I decided to leave the tickets on the floor (as if they'd slipped out from under the drawers when I moved them) but not mention them, and see what happens... still time to change that before he gets home if people think it's a terrible idea!

anonforabit Fri 07-Mar-14 15:47:24

I think you should put them back!! I know it will drive you crazy for 2 weeks but at least you'll know for sure. Hopefully it's a surprise and all will be well but if not you're best off finding out sooner than later! Good luck op!

Pantone363 Fri 07-Mar-14 15:52:53

Put them back. Say nothing. He either takes you away or he doesn't. Either way you have an answer.

WeeClype Fri 07-Mar-14 16:05:18

I'd put them away and say nothing!

sebsmummy1 Fri 07-Mar-14 16:43:32

I would put then away too.

I would also be looking at how he is with his phone and checking his emails if you have access.

I really hope you are right and he is building up to a surprise. It's just the work thing that sounds a bit off.

ThePartyArtist Fri 07-Mar-14 16:56:36

I'm really not sure... I am certain he's not cheating. But also bemused about how he can be going on a weekend away when he's working (if it's a surprise for me, how come he's working on the Sunday; and if it's with someone else, how will he go away at 10am on a day he's supposed to be spending with me?) My instinct is just to tell him I found both these items...

Haven't stopped thinking about it all day, arrrgh!

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