Should I confront DP that I've found this?

(87 Posts)
ThePartyArtist Fri 07-Mar-14 13:32:42

Today I had to move DP's bedside drawers and underneath it (hidden rather well) was a porn magazine and some train tickets. The first thing I noticed was the magazine and I was a bit unsure of what to make of it. I had a look though and decided although I am not particularly keen on DP having it, it was fairly harmless stuff and I was more surprised than anything, but not overly bothered. I did however think I'd probably let him know I had found it, in a fairly light-hearted way and just have a chat about it (but not be confrontational) as it's the secrecy rather than the item that concerns me.

Then I noticed there are also train tickets for a weekend away to a UK city, for two people. It may be a coincidence but it's a city we like visiting and is our nearest mini break type destination. So I thought perhaps he's booked us a surprise and that I should hide both the tickets and the magazine and pretend I never saw them. However he's told me he's working that Sunday. I texted him to double check and he confirmed this. He'll know from experience that I am likely to arrange to see friends if he's working on a day I'm off - which makes me think he's not planning a weekend away or he'd have told me to keep it free. (Could it be he's double booked himself or thought he'd lost the tickets, so arranged to work instead? Seems a long shot but I can't imagine why he'd book time away if he was working).

So I am rather bemused! I think my options are;

a) replace both items and never mention them.
b) tell him I've found them and ask what the tickets are for.
c) arrange the tickets so it looks like they've slipped out while I was moving the furniture, but I haven't noticed them.

UnicornCrisps Fri 07-Mar-14 13:35:19

Hmm, I would have to ask. If it's possible he is going to surprise you could you make up some plans for that weekend and see if he tries to put you off?

smoothieooo Fri 07-Mar-14 13:36:02

That's a tricky one. Could you not ask him outright why the train tickets are hidden (which seems more of an issue than the hidden porn mag)?

AnyFucker Fri 07-Mar-14 13:37:09

I can't think of any reason why you shouldn't ask him directly about the tickets

You seem to think they are somehow linked to the porn mag, what makes you think that ?

Id do some more snooping.

impatienttobemummy Fri 07-Mar-14 13:38:09

Option a
See if he asks you

Just ask him. Be honest, you weren't snooping, you found them whilst cleaning.

CashmereHoodlum Fri 07-Mar-14 13:39:21

d) Hide the tickets.

Sorry to say this but it really does look like he is going away with someone else. I would not confront him just yet but I would remove the tickets and watch his behaviour very closely. Also get an STI test.

chicaguapa Fri 07-Mar-14 13:39:45

Or d) Take the train tickets and see if he mentions it nearer the time. If he doesn't, you know he's hiding something from you.

TheReluctantCountess Fri 07-Mar-14 13:40:24

I think you should ask him.

I would just ask him outright. If he has nothing to hide it won't be an issue, surely?

bellablot Fri 07-Mar-14 13:43:33

Tricky situation. I wouldn't ask him right out, maybe it's a surprise. Wait until the time comes and if your non the wiser then I'd be deeply suspicious.

Wouldn't have said there was a link between porn mag and tickets or are you suspecting there is?

Don't mention it. Follow him on the day instead.

frustrated spy

ThePartyArtist Fri 07-Mar-14 13:44:09

Wow I didn't expect so many replies so quickly!
I must admit as I was writing this I thought it did sound like he was having an affair. But I honestly don't think he'd do that.
@anyfucker - I don't exactly think the train tickets and magazine are linked, it is just I have found them at the same time and wondered about them both...

ohtobemeagain Fri 07-Mar-14 13:44:10

How far away is the weekend? If it is this weekend, I would go with telling him your plans, and then if he doesn't mention the train tickets, check to see if the tickets have disappeared after he leaves for "work". Mind you, I wouldn't be able to sleep with him between now and then, so he may notice.

If it is several weeks away, I wouldn't be able to wait. If you confront him with them, and it is shady, he will come up with some excuse and you may never get to the bottom of it. I would start some detective work - emails, phone, internet history etc. Is there some one at his work you could check with? i.e. ring them when you know he's in a meeting to check something with them i,e the date, hotel name etc that you need to know now for family reasons?

Hassled Fri 07-Mar-14 13:45:29

I assume the tickets and the mag aren't linked - he just thinks he has a safe hiding place.

I'd take the tickets and put them somewhere else. See what happens.

Dillydollydaydream Fri 07-Mar-14 13:45:31

I'd put them back and see if the tickets disappear on the weekend he's working. Surprise him at the train station on his return.
Hope he's just planning a nice surprise though given that it's somewhere you'd both like to visit.

antiabz Fri 07-Mar-14 13:47:44

If I was you OP I would wait.

Put the tickets and mag back. Wait until Sunday, and see if they are gone when he leaves.

If they are.....don a pair of dark glasses and a wig and follow.

That's what I'd do grin

ThePartyArtist Fri 07-Mar-14 13:51:56

Thanks all… I am in a bit of a dilemma as I don't suspect him of foul play, more just I don't want to spoil a surprise - but also am bemused that he's not asked me to keep that day free. He knows I hate having days off on my own and that I'd definitely be forward-planning to see someone on a day he's working.
Would you confront him re: the magazine? I'm not sure how I feel about it.

antiabz Fri 07-Mar-14 13:53:06

Nope just do what I said earlier (except maybe not the wig)

Either way in that scenario you don't spoil a surprise either so it's win win.

antiabz Fri 07-Mar-14 13:53:34

Hmm too many eithers in that sentence

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Fri 07-Mar-14 13:54:45

I'd wait and see if he 'goes to work' and if the tickets miraculously disappear. Then I'd be waiting to meet him at the station. In fact - just what pp's have just said.

He hasn't lost them - they're hidden away with his porno mag -he knows exactly where they are.

I'm sorry to say 'working' is probably a cover for a jolly away with another woman.

If you confront him now, he will just say it's a surprise for you - and you'll never know the truth for sure. Sorry.

ThePartyArtist Fri 07-Mar-14 13:56:31

A few people have suggested I should see if the tickets disappear on the weekend he says he's working. However the outward ticket is on the Saturday (when we're both off and would therefore have the day together) and the return is on the Sunday (when he says he's working). Therefore he'd have to use them BEFORE the day he's working.

I think I may be over thinking this one but it's just so weird! My options now seem to be;
a) ask him and explain I wasn't going looking for them - I do have a genuine reason for moving the furniture, which he will know is true. But if it's a surprise weekend away this may spoil it.
b) put them back but be in suspense for another two weeks!

chicaguapa Fri 07-Mar-14 13:56:41

Maybe your friends are in on it too so if you make a plan with them, they know you'll have to cancel. Is it a special weekend, an anniversary or similar?

It seems a bit daft to buy tickets for a dirty weekend away with an OW and keep them under your bedside table. Are there 2 tickets?

FabBakerGirl Fri 07-Mar-14 13:58:16

Why do you need to say anything at all about the magazine? You're either bothered or you aren't.

The train tickets could be anything at all and you need to think about what you will do if he is cheating.

Not liking a day off on your own seems a bit like you rely on him too much and you maybe should look at getting yourself some more friends and learn to like your own company.

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