Not allowing MIL to baby sit weekly???

(8 Posts)
Irr02729 Tue 11-Feb-14 07:50:02

My MIL currently looks after my niece once a week and as soon as I got pregnant she assumed she would look after my baby too. I get on alright with her, but we are quite different people. She's a lovely, kind and generous person so on this basis I would love her to have my daughter but there is one thing that bothers me to the point id rather put dd in nursery for that particular day. Every request my SIL made for MIL was ignored and she does want she wants. She said she would follow what she's asked, but then doesn't. She has fed my niece so much sweets and chocolate that she now won't eat anything else. I don't want dd having any sweets until she is past two and while I wouldn't be that mad if she ignored my other dos and donts I would be so so angry if she lied to me on this one. If I tell her this she'll say ok, but she did to my SIL and did what she wanted anyway so I can't trust her. If I say I don't want her and I'll put her in nursery this will upset whole in law family and won't go down well at all. Please give me some advise as to how you would handle this??

FernieB Thu 13-Feb-14 08:00:24

What does your DH say? It's his mother he must also have an opinion.

I would never have let my MIL look after my DC for similar reasons - luckily my DH agreed.

You will presumably have to arrange a nursery place for your DC - you could always tell her it was no more expensive to get the place for the full week rather than just 4 days so that's what you've arranged. Or that the nursery prefer to have DC booked in for the whole week.

FernieB Thu 13-Feb-14 08:05:14

How old is your MIL? I only ask because I see quite a few grannies at a toddler group and some of them are not quite as active as a baby/toddler would like. I do see them giving their charges chocs etc to keep them quiet or either just sitting down with a cuppa and leaving the kid to its own devices because they just don't have the energy/ability to get down on the floor and play.

Reallynotsuretbh Thu 13-Feb-14 08:06:29

Are you sure thats she's expecting to do this? My mil had dn 1 day every week and has never offered to babysit dd so this might be the case

Sorry but one day a week is not going to cause a child to only eat sweets and chocolate. It's the parents giving in to the child the other 6 that do it and I say that as someone who has been guilty of giving in for quiet life and had to do all the harder work to break the cycle.
It's entirely up to you and your dh whether mil looks after your dc one day a week but I will also say that it can be both handy and great for your Childs relationship with their grandmother. My ex's mum and I have very different ideas about some things and she drives me up the wall at times but she is an amazing granny and the dc adore her. She lets them do things I wouldn't and they love spending time with her.
They are close to her dd will tell her things now she's older that she won't tell me.
The close relationship and back up childcare has been a godsend at times. They are happy to go to hers if they are unwell because they have a happy time with her.
She may drive me batty at times but she can also be a fantastic support and the dc have great memories created during their time with her.

Irr02729 Thu 13-Feb-14 19:48:07

Thanks for the comments they have been helpful!

FernieB - that's a great idea about the nursery. She wouldn't be in there for a whole week anyway as I'm returning to work part time so it would make sense if she had to have so many days to keep her place. MIL is 55, she has got energy to do stuff although I know she finds my niece quite tiring so a 2yo and a 1yo would be pushing it. She does use bribing with food a lot though for a quiet life! You say you wouldn't let your MIL have lo for similar reasons, how did you and dh approach that with her? Have you ever left lo with her?

youmakemydreams - you're probably right about eating like that once a week wouldn't do as much damage as that, and after dn was 1yo SIL seemed to feed her just as much junk as MIL. I think relationship with grandparents is really important and have a really close relationship with my own grandmother. I would feel like a I was taking that away from her and I have been really torn. I just feel really strongly on this issue. I am EBF til 6months which she battles against whenever I see her saying I should give her solids and that when she has her she'll be 'better fed'. I want to do baby led weaning as well and I will just feel like she will jeopardise all the hard work I put in!

By the time it happens your dd will be on solids so the bf won't be an issue she won't need to know by that point whether you are still feeding or not.
I can totally relate to how you feel. I was very much like you with ex mil when I had dd. Now 11 years and another 2 dc down the line I can see how much more they benefitted from that time.
Honestly one day a week will not bigger up the feeding. Your dd will be what a year old? On a fairly well established varied diet with a mixture of foods some of which by that point will come off a spoon which she will more than likely be trying to man handle herself.
It is hard to relinquish that kind of control when it's your baby. Yanbu in the slightest for fretting about it but if the food is your biggest worry then try not to sweat it. It becomes a pick your battles time. Exmil I did argue about one or two things that were deal breakers for me and k can hand on heart say I look back all these years later and laugh at how stressed I got about some of them.

TheScience Thu 13-Feb-14 23:15:10

I wouldn't commit to a do a week in this situation - sounds like a recipe for ruining your relationship.

Keep granny days to occasional days out so it's a treat for your DD not an obligation for you and your MIL.

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