splitting childcare 50/50 between parents and countries?!

(12 Posts)
shypuffin Fri 06-Dec-13 11:39:39

Hi, I'm in a pretty difficult situation. I stupidly moved to rural France with my partner and 4 month old twin babies 2 years ago but it's just not working out for me. My partner and I argue all the time and have decided we want different things out of life. He wants to stay here long-term but I feel totally isolated and want to return to the UK where I have a support network and means of decent income.

After an horrendous 6 months we've agreed we need to split up but he is insisting on at least 50/50 custody and since it's illegal to take children out of their country of residence without both parents' permission I feel I have to agree to that if I am to live in the UK. The twins have just turned 2 so this would mean they live with him for one month in France and then me for the next month in the UK. I have no idea if I could afford this, or how I would go about find flexible enough childcare and that's aside from the emotional impact on us all. What would you do?

thanks in advance for any advice!

What about when theyre school age.
Sounds impractical.
Sorrry you're going through this

shypuffin Fri 06-Dec-13 13:50:52

School age is another bridge that has to be crossed, but at least if they are living in the UK at least half the time by then I have a better chance of them going to school in the UK. What would you do?

I don't see how this can possibly be in the children's best interests, either now or when they reach school age, or yours or your partner's either, for that matter. How can either of you commit to a career and have childcare in place if you have the children one month on and one month off? Regardless of the legal position (wrt which someone is bound to have experience of this), I think insisting on a 50/50 split could come under the heading of Very Bad Ideas. I think you should work out where the children's main place of residence should be and then work on lots and lots of contact with the NRP, e.g. skyping several times a week as well as visits. Very tricky though. BTW is your partner French or British?

shypuffin Fri 06-Dec-13 15:51:32

We are all British. He says they are better off staying in France with him but I can't afford to move out and stay in France due to lack of income (even if I wanted to). It's ironic really considering he spent the first half of my pregnancy trying to persuade me to have an abortion.

eightandthreequarters Fri 06-Dec-13 15:57:19

You need legal advice - which I'm sure you already know! As you are all British, you probably have a better chance of moving them to the UK and making that your main residence.

eightandthreequarters Fri 06-Dec-13 15:59:09

Oh, clearly a 50/50 residency split between countries is crazy talk, but I see that you're playing the long game here, getting them established in the UK.

JingleMyBells Sat 07-Dec-13 07:35:14

Arrangements like this seem to me to be more for the parents than for the children. This seems totally ridiculous and unfair on your DDs and as other posters have said, what about when they start school? Even now, what about nursery? Really one of you needs to have them 100% of the time with fair access for the other.

antimatter Sat 07-Dec-13 07:51:55

I can imagine kids that age to be happy for a month without one parent. But beware as the will forget the absent parent.
I would say family court would not allow for such arrangement.
How would he cope on his own with 2 kids there? Does he work? I guess there no access to childcare for that age there.

shypuffin Sat 07-Dec-13 12:36:17

There is a local creche or he could get a live-in nanny. I feel like I'm on the verge of losing my kids and I just don't know what to do.

SomePeopleAreIdiots Sat 07-Dec-13 12:45:25

Maybe post in Legal?

Main thing is to focus on what is in the dc's best interest, not what suits the adults.

NigellasLeftNostril Sat 07-Dec-13 12:48:53

that arrangement would surely not be in the children's best interests, would it?

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