Family wedding overseas 4 weeks after due date

(29 Posts)
DorotheaHomeAlone Tue 03-Dec-13 20:36:43

We're very early in the pregnancy game (just 6 wks along). We wouldn't have told anyone about the baby yet except my bil announced his wedding date for next summer and it was 3 days before my due date. Given it's in France and my dh is the best man we thought we should let them know that we have plans that weekend!

They've responded by moving the date back a month but are restricted as they need it to be in the summer holiday for their friends with kids to attend. My dh has thanked them for moving it and said he'll almost certainly be able to go now but me and the baby probably won't. They seem a little put out and we're now wondering if we're being over cautious. This is our first kid so we just can't tell. It's a 10 hour journey each way. Is there any chance the baby and I will be able to go? It should be 4 weeks after the birth but obviously could be way more or less.

StillNoFuckingEyeDeer Tue 03-Dec-13 20:42:13

DBIL got married in France in the summer. The wedding was 2 weeks after my due date (and one month after DD2 actually arrived)
We planned that, as long as the baby had actually arrive, DH and DD1 would attend the wedding without me. We knew we would be unlikely to get a passport in time and I wouldn't fancy the journey with a newborn etc. I had my parents around for help/support.
If DD2 hadn't been born before the wedding, DH wold have stayed home too.

StillNoFuckingEyeDeer Tue 03-Dec-13 20:43:44

You probably won't want to go
You probably wouldn't be able to get a passport for the baby in time
Would you be happy for DH to go alone?

DeckTheHallsWithBoughsOfHorry Tue 03-Dec-13 20:44:12

My baby is three weeks old. I'm physically doing really well but nonetheless a ten-hour journey would be utter, utter hell. For a start, baby feeds every one two to four hours round the clock, and little babies need to have frequent breaks from carseats etc so a ten-hour journey could easily take fifteen or sixteen depending on the mode.

DH's cousin got married four weeks after my EDD with DC1. It ended up being three weeks after his birth. I was nearly hallucinating with sleep deprivation, and still leaking from various places (TMI). I went to the ceremony but not the "do". The wedding was around twenty minutes from home, and it nearly wiped me out to be that much on show and be so tied to other people's timing - that was the trickiest bit actually.

Good luck with your pregnancy but I'd not expect to go, myself.

3bunnies Tue 03-Dec-13 20:51:27

Just tell them that it usually takes about 6 weeks for a first passport at that time of the year, so unless the baby is early it just won't be possible. That saves you even having to think about whether you will be physically able to do it, especially if you have a cesarean or a complicated pregnancy/birth. Which of course hopefully you won't - congratulations by the way! They will understand eventually - when they have their own dc.

Goldensunnydays81 Tue 03-Dec-13 20:52:38

Can you leave booking It until after you have had the baby? Book your dh to go and then see how you and baby are after the birth?
We took ds to my dh home country in Asia when he was 2 months old so although he was a little bit older he was still tiny! To be honest it was the easiest time we took him.
Where would you be staying and would you be driving or flying there?
Also remember you will have to get birth certificates and then passports done very soon after the baby was born.
I would get your dh to say he is definitely coming but you would have to be a last minute one as there are too many ifs and buts!!

JellyBabiesSaveLives Tue 03-Dec-13 20:57:49

SIL got married 4 weeks after our first dc was born. It was 3 hours drive away so we went. It was awful. I'd had a cs and the drive wasn't comfortable. Then at the wedding I spent the whole time in the hotel bedroom / the loos / random siderooms, feeding dd. She was MIL's first grandchild and all of their family and friends wanted to hug dd and pass her around, and most of them were strangers to me and I hated that. I was so sleep deprived that I kept asking dh to introduce me to people I'd met 20 minutes earlier. Dd cried all night.

Don't do it!

And think how you'll feel about dh being away if the baby is 2 weeks late and you have a long labour ending in a cs and the baby doesn't feed or sleep well ...

nextphase Tue 03-Dec-13 20:59:02

I'd think the passport would be the deal breaker!
And a 10 hr journey with a new born will probably take nearer 15. I don't think its really possibly for you and baby, unless you get a passport, and feel up to it, and make a last minute decision.
Think DH should book his tickets, and then you need to see when baby arrives.

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams Tue 03-Dec-13 21:00:48

Id only go if I could fly with the baby. No.bouncing aroubd in a car for 10+ hrs!!

GirlWithTheDirtyShirt Tue 03-Dec-13 21:01:28

The passport thing is going to be the big problem.

I was fine to travel at four weeks after DD was born, and she was EMCS. I'd break up the journey though, with at least one overnight.

Babies are at their most portable when they're tiny. DD is 3 and it'd be more hassle now!

lilyaldrin Tue 03-Dec-13 21:03:02

I think it will be unlikely you'll want to go. Most 1st babies are late, so you will probably only have a 2-3 week old, you'll be breastfeeding round the clock, probably still bleeding and won't have slept for more than a couple of hours at a time, the journey will take twice as long as you expect...

Mellowandfruitful Tue 03-Dec-13 21:06:59

My view on weddings abroad is that if people want to do it, fine, but they are in no way reasonable to get shirty with people who can't come, as it is asking a lot, even of family. This x 1000 given that you will have new baby.

As people have said, the passport will be the stumbling block so just keep referring to that and say you won't be able to go. I would not have wanted to go to a wedding 4 weeks after birth of baby and I was getting on pretty well.

Do they have DC themselves?

MirandaWest Tue 03-Dec-13 21:10:12

I went to a wedding when I was three weeks old. But it was only about 200 miles away and no need for a passport.

When DS was 4 weeks old we went away for Christmas (for one night). Was horrible - he wasn't sleeping at all at night, I was having problems breast feeding, and I was still recovering from a difficult birth.

DontmindifIdo Tue 03-Dec-13 21:14:05

Yep, passport is unlikely to be atainable by 4 weeks old (possibly only 2 weeks if you go overdue!) most times of the year, but in the school summer holidays, no chance!

Let me put it this way, I only got a date to register DS at 5 weeks old, DD at 2.5 weeks old, you can't apply for a passport until you have the birth certificate, and most cases it's 6 weeks to get a passport. It's just not possible for you to do this even if you are physically up to it (before you look at issues like babies not being able to be in a carseat for more than 2 hours, you still bleeding, possibly recovering from an instramental birth etc)

If they really need you to go, then next summer isn't an option, if they'd make it earlier, say at the School easter holidays, you could probably go while pregnant (assuming it's a country with good healthcare and you have a great travel insurance policy just in case the baby arrives!)

DorotheaHomeAlone Tue 03-Dec-13 21:51:06

Thanks everyone. Tbh I really wish I wasn't having to deal with this especially so early in the pregnancy. I don't mind dh going alone although I'll be sad to miss it. I am a bit freaked out though about being on my own so soon after but that's only because there are so many unknowns. I really wouldn't want him to miss it.

I think I mostly just wanted some reassurance that I'm not being a precious flower for not just gritting my teeth and agreeing to go, too!

Jackthebodiless Tue 03-Dec-13 23:15:26

Don't even think about it.

missnevermind Tue 03-Dec-13 23:21:19

Never mind the passport. With my last we had to wait 5 weeks for an appointment for her birth certificate.

ItsIgginningToLookALotLikeXmas Tue 03-Dec-13 23:27:50

If it wasn't his dh I wouldn't be happy about being left by your dh either so soon! Hopefully he can just be away a couple of nights?

zzzzz Tue 03-Dec-13 23:34:05

You will be able to get a passport, but don't go if you don't want to. I travelled by myself with a 6 week old by Eurostar. I was fine. Absolutely NOT before 4 weeks though.

AnAdventureInCakeAndWine Tue 03-Dec-13 23:38:36

You could be overdue by two weeks.

Then it could easily take you two weeks or more to get an appointment to register the birth.

You can't even start the passport application process until you have the birth certificate. And that's not going to take less than two weeks and could easily take six.

It's not even about being a precious flower; ignoring all questions of how you'd be physically or emotionally, you're vanishingly unlikely to be able to legally travel with your baby just four weeks after your EDD. Lay out the timescales for them and they'll be able to see that for themselves.

I managed to get a passport for DC1 by the time he was 3weeks (we called around various registries to get him registered at 1week) and flew to south of France for Christmas when he was 5weeks old

I would no way have been able to do it earlier - and I had a very straight forward, quick home birth with no repercussions (aside from crazy anxiety and baby blues that lasted forever) in fact I only coped because door to door the journey was 4.5hours and at the other end I was at my mums house with her taking care of us all!

It would be a shame to miss it and if you have close family and friends nearby I'd encourage DH to still go but DEFINATELY do not commit yourself until baby is born

Congrats btw!

BikeRunSki Wed 04-Dec-13 06:57:24

My brother married when I was 38 weeks pg, 8 hr drive away. We didn't go. Supergeek nephew set up Skype and a webcam for me. Reasonable compromise!

Puffykins Wed 04-Dec-13 07:04:59

I thought I was going to go to a wedding in the South of France a month after DS was born. Ha, ha, ha...... He needed feeding every two hours, each feed took an hour, then he'd be sick; he woke multiple times a night, had to be rocked to sleep, etc. etc. Although, I probably would have managed it a month after DD, because she was such an easy baby - she was huge, so ate more, less frequently, and slept very well and self settled. So maybe just see how you feel at the time? Good luck with everything!

SpookedMackerel Wed 04-Dec-13 07:13:37

I travelled overseas to a wedding when DC2 was 5 weeks.

But it was a 2 hour flight, and then another hour and a half the next day. 10 hours travelling is ridiculous, and you'd probably need to spread it over two or three days, which would be a nightmare in itself. It's not good for babies to be in car seats for long periods, and it might not be comfortable for you either.

Our passport only just came in time, despite taking the photos when the baby was only a few hours old - that was in the summer holidays too.

MavisDee Wed 04-Dec-13 07:14:57

Don't do it! Just forget about it and enjoy your pregnancy, there is no way you want to be committed to something like that. They will understand eventually.

When I got married in the uk friends came along with very newborn baby- I still thank them endlessly and can't believe they did it! But going abroad- no way!

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