Letting DD Visit Oman. Or not.

(38 Posts)
WhatSayYou Fri 08-Nov-13 14:40:13

I need some advice and any experience would be welcome please. I have nc as a precaution.
DD is almost 7. Her father has never lived with us and we split after he cheated. We had a 4 year relationship which ended when DD was 22 months.

Ex retired from his UK career a few (4) years ago and since then has worked in Oman. He has not seen DD for 3 years and hasn't even spoken to her since then and he hadn't seen or spoken to her for almost 18 months prior to that. So as you can see, DD doesn't really know him, though she does tell me she loves him and draws pictures of him with us in a family scene! I don't bad mouth him to her or in front of her and of course, she doesn't know my feelings about him and she's never asked.

Anyway! Ex in the past, has by email asked me about DD visiting him in Oman (with me), but he did not even mention my eldest child, not that that is relevant really. I ignored that question and he hadn't brought it up again until now. Here's a C&P of the last line of his email: "Take care and tell DD i love her. Id like you to consider letting her come over here for a visit...."
My reply to that was "To be honest, I'm not convinced that visiting you over there is the best idea, but I will give it some thought."
His answer to that came to me yesterday: "Why is it that visiting me over here wouldnt be a good idea? And for who? The opportunity to see a new place, culture, people, different place (s) different things.......It may be that she could actually like to see these things."
The entire email came across as angry and rather 'in my face' and as yet, I haven't replied.

I'm sure some of you will think me a paranoid and selfish person, but after what he did and how he did it, he is not the person I thought he was and if you ask me if I trust him, the answer is no I don't; I doubt I'd even trust him to visit her without me in this country for fear he'd take her away.
He is charming and manipulative and I am worried that if I go over there with DD that my rights in that country will be nil and I feel that I might well end up coming home without DD and totally against my wishes...

I'm not sure that anything anyone says will make me feel differently, but I'd welcome thoughts, experience and advice. I've never been to that part of the world, so have no first hand experience of it.

Thanks if you've got to the end....<dons hard hat and flame retardant suit>

ChippingInBatshitArse Fri 08-Nov-13 15:12:12

It would cost you a lot more to try getting her back from Oman than whatever you would lose in maintenance sad

WhatSayYou Fri 08-Nov-13 15:14:08

shock Buster thank you for that. It kind of makes the decision doesn't it. If he gets nasty about any decision I come to against his wishes, I'll send him that (which will anger him all the more and he'll be very angry that I could even think he'd do such a thing. I can't win can I?!

School run, will be back tonight.

Thank you all!

Grennie Fri 08-Nov-13 15:15:39

Ask him to come here.

I have read too many horror stories of mums in similar situations who spend years trying to get their children back. Even if you travel over with her, he may be legally able to prevent you taking your child out the country again.

Slainte Fri 08-Nov-13 15:16:09

Exactly what Chipping said and always listen to your gut instinct.

WhatSayYou Fri 08-Nov-13 15:16:28

Chipping I have PM'd you.

Leopoldina Fri 08-Nov-13 15:16:40

this thread is making me wonder about the girl who was considering going to the US to give birth to be near the one night stand father, & how that one turned out.

Slainte Fri 08-Nov-13 16:54:13

I remember that one Leopoldina - how did it end?

Slainte Fri 08-Nov-13 16:54:31

Sorry for derailment OP.

WhatSayYou Fri 08-Nov-13 23:23:28

How did it turn out?

WhatSayYou Wed 13-Nov-13 13:25:47

Just wondering a couple of things...

What would you tell your child?

Ex wants to Skype with DD and I know that he'll probably be trying to engage with her about going over there. I haven't said anything to her about anything because A, I don't want to poison her against him well, I do, but I wont IYSWIM and B, I in her innocence, she'd probably let the cat out of the bag 'mummy says you might keep me if she brings me to visit you' kind of thing.

Also, what should I tell him as he'll want an answer? <sigh>

Middleagedmotheroftwo Wed 13-Nov-13 13:29:43

If he loves her so much, he should come to her. It would be cheaper anyway than flying you both to Oman.

I agree that Oman would be an interesting experience for her - but when she's a teenager, not now, when she's 6.

WhatSayYou Wed 13-Nov-13 13:42:16

I think so too. I can't understand why it's so important to him that she go there unless it is to attempt to keep her sad

NotALondoner Wed 13-Nov-13 14:00:18

With regards to the American birth thing, the last I read was that she had flown over and been let in, so that's that really. Poor woman.

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