Help please...very sensitive subject...I do not know what to do.

(19 Posts)
AliBean Thu 08-Aug-13 22:02:57

This is horribly hard. I genuinely do not know what to do next.
At bathtime I was washing my DS (3.11) & felt a knotty bit of white cotton thread wedged in his bottom...it struck me as odd as his pants were red and shorts blue and t shirt orange so no idea where it had come from...I said "have you been running around with no pants on at nursery today?" he said "no mummy" so I asked if he had had a pooh at nursery, no. I asked if anyone had touched his bottom. He said "A (another boy of just 4) came up behind me and pulled my trousers down and touched my bottom" I said "why did he do that?" DS said "he put a toy in my bottom "
Just like that...
So I am gobsmacked...totally and utterly gobsmacked. I didn't really know what to say or how to deal with it. I asked him some specifics - where were you, where were your teachers, was it just you two, etc...the answers were succinct, clear and consistent. I asked him how it made him feel - "sad"...sad
I don't know how to deal with this. I asked him if he was sure and he said yes mummy...then he said A smacked him. I asked him why A smacked him - "I don't know Mummy" I asked if he smacked him before or after the bottom incident. He said "he didn't touch my bottom" so I asked him if he made it up. "Yes I did. Sorry for lying to you Mummy"...
What!!!
So now what...my DS who is not even 4 is making up accusations of sexual assault and somehow has the capacity to think this up or he was touched by another boy who has for whatever reason decided to do this...my mind is racing...I have done a brief safe guarding training as part of peer support requirements and think this is a flag.. a big red one.
Please help me get some perspective and a way forward.

mystaplerisevil Thu 08-Aug-13 22:08:03

i really don't think that it's sexual assault, sounds like just a childish prank. why do you think it's more sinister?

QOD Thu 08-Aug-13 22:08:44

Gosh. Don't they tell you not to ask leading questions as children do tend to say what they think you want to hear? You asking questions may have made him deny?
What was the cotton?

Coconutty Thu 08-Aug-13 22:09:41

You need to speak to your DS again, and also to the nursery. I don't have any other advice really except to say that I would be inclinded to believ what your DS said the first time.

I am a qualified SG person and if this did happen it would be a red flag to me too.

mystaplerisevil Thu 08-Aug-13 22:10:32

why would it be a red flag?

AliBean Thu 08-Aug-13 22:24:08

I will speak to nursery in the morning. When I know for sure that A was actually there as it was holiday club so by the time I got there there was only my DS and one other child who stay til the end.
My DS is the sweetest boy with never a bad word about anyone but regularly tells me how naughty and mean A is to him. When I have mentioned it to the staff they said that A is a bit disruptive and does have to do time out regularly but they had not noticed my DS playing with him or interacting with him enough for A to have the opportunity to be mean iyswim.
I am half hoping DS has not been through this and has made it up...but why would he, how would he, where would he have got these words or scenarios from? ??? If it did happen why woukd A do such a thing? Worst case someone has done it to him...so there's the red flag.

mystaplerisevil Thu 08-Aug-13 22:27:24

he would do such a 'thing' because it's what kids do! i think you are reading way too much into this to be honest. you are talking about 4 year olds here

QuintessentiallyOhDear Thu 08-Aug-13 22:30:43

DS2 once tried to push a teabag up ds1s bottom. hmm It was organic green tea, if it makes a difference.

He once also yanked his older brothers willy. Kids do this sort of thing without it being particularly sinister.

DocMarten Thu 08-Aug-13 22:36:27

no red flag here either. Just kids messing.

MerryMarigold Thu 08-Aug-13 22:41:26

I think if A were say 6 or 7, it's a bit more worrying than if A is 3 or 4. I think your huge anxiety, shock, dismay over the whole thing was probably transferred to your ds, especially if he is quite sensitive - even the 'sad' comment could have been picking up on YOUR feelings. Was he particularly sad, misbehaved, withdrawn after you picked him up? I think it is worth having a word with nursery, for A's benefit, you never know what may be going on...but keep it very much as you are concerned for A.

I think it's highly unlikely there is any lasting damage (if any damage) to your ds. Kids do mess about at this age and a bottom is just funny and slightly forbidden.

lagertops Sat 31-Aug-13 20:05:25

I completely understand why you're sad about this AliBean. Your mind is probably racing and you're thinking the worst. Try to relax though, and make sure you speak to the staff at the nursery.
Aren't they supposed to be supervising the kids and protecting them from harm?
Child A is known to misbehave sometimes and 'they had not noticed my DS playing with him or interacting with him enough for A to have the opportunity to be mean iyswim.' Oh very good.

I'd be surprised if in a holiday club environment the kids could go anywhere out of sight to enable A to do anything that sinister. What about the cotton? Did you ask ds if he meant under his clothes?what kind of toy? Do you think he meansthischildwas able to insert an object or do you think he meant the kid shoved something down his pants?

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Sat 31-Aug-13 20:33:11

Not a brilliant thread to revive 3 weeks later hmm

OLD THREAD

Duh

lagertops Sat 31-Aug-13 20:47:11

ooh forgive me, it was on the first page of WWYD when I seen it?

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Sat 31-Aug-13 20:56:48

That's because everyone uses AIBU instead of WWYD - so the threads in WWYD barely move! It should just be got rid of!

Do you use 'Active Conversations'? I didn't at first, but now I just go between 'Threads I'm On' and 'Active Conversations' - very rarely actually go to a topic!

lagertops Sat 31-Aug-13 22:06:28

I'll bear that in mind Chipping. I joined not long ago and I show it lol.

Anyways, I hope that the OP has resolved this and has peace of mind.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Sat 31-Aug-13 22:22:31

smile I hope you stick around. It has it's moments, but there's nothing like it when someone has a real problem. Lots of laughs & lots of support.

ewin00 Sat 07-Sep-13 02:03:46

I feel for your child and the other child concerned confidentiality this issue should be raised with both nursery and social work and not necessarily here. However as a parent a do appreciate the acute need for assistance and reassurance in such a serious matter, so I say this as a suggestion not criticisms wink

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now