Thank you everyone for your messages. I know she has to be left alone. I just feel bad that she can't sort herself out and enjoy the kids. But, I also know I'm the one being stupid as I seem to be the only person loosing any sleep over it. If she was that bothered, she come and see them.
Leave her to it, she's an adult, she knows what she has to do to have a relationship with her grandchildren but she is choosing not to. Your dh sounds lovely being so supportive of you and there is absolutely no way you should be banished from your own home to enable her freakish behaviour as its not good for your dc
DP knows her Well and is doing the absolute best thing in supporting you and not allowing her to bully him into excluding you. Let her stew, if she doesn't see sense and change her behaviour then it's her loss with only herself to blame.
Agree with everyone else. Your DP is supporting you fantastically - she is his mum and he is happy to cut her out of your lives if she cannot accept that you are a family Unit. She sounds a nutter, TBH. I would not have anything else to do with her, frankly. She's made her choice. If she is so pathetically immature that she refuses to have anything to do with you, and comes and shouts abuse on your doorstep then I'm damned if she'd be welcome to have any contact with my kids whatsoever. And I certainly wouldn't be going out so that the woman could come to my house and not have to be civil to me. I think you sound lovely and you've bent over backwards for this woman with no thanks whatsoever.
I would say that your MIL made her choices. If that means she doesn't see your children, that's her own fault. Your family is a package deal. If she can't be civil to you, she doesn't deserve to have a relationship with your kids.
Just after some advice with difficult issue with mil.
I'm mum of 3. Dp dad to youngest, step dad to elder 2 kids aged 8 5 and 9 months.
Basically mil went into orbit when dp and I refused her overnight contact when our bsby was 2 weeks old. She's been in meltdown ever since, even getting beyond upset that dp took our bsby out in a pram before she did! I seriously think she thought she was going to play mum, not grandparent! ( 1st grandchild btw)
Anyway, 8 long months down the line, she's seen the kids twice. I went out of my home so she would come to see them as she hates me and don't see me. I'm banned from her house but she wanted dp to take the kids up. We refused. Eldest is autistic and gets very upset and we didn't want to explain why I was excluded and couldn't go.
We've offered, countless times for her to visit the kids at our house, but said I'm not going to keep going out to accommodate her. Don't think it's fair tbh. Why can't adults sit in the same room?
She refuses. She brought back a box of my kids toys and dumped them on my doorstep calling me all names under the sun. Dp has told her to apologise. I think hell will freeze over before that happens. I've tried to talk to her but she flatly refuses.
I don't like the woman but don't understand why she won't just come and see the kids? She's allowing how she feels about me to come between her and the kids. It's so sad but don't know what else to do except give in and let her have her own way. I just think allowing the kids up there without me will lead to a life time of exclusion, Seperated bdays Xmas etc....but we'll have no one to blame but us because we let it happen
Dp wants to leave her alone to get on with it but I just feel its not right