Ex and family at son's graduation

(27 Posts)
Jan49 Fri 28-Jun-13 10:31:14

It’s my ds’s graduation in September. He lives with me in the town where the ceremony will be. We can buy up to 8 tickets. His father (my ex) plans to come with his current wife and his parents (my ds’s grandparents). The thought of being at the event with those 4 people upsets me terribly. My ex and his parents are hostile to me. His parents find the situation of our divorce embarrassing and deal with it by avoiding me and treating me like something unpleasant when they see me and they sometimes ask people not to invite me to an event if they or their son will be going. My ex had an affair and left me for OW but is with a different woman now. My ex’s parents are of the opinion that you should work on staying married at all cost but as it’s their son they just sweep it under the carpet. My ex’s current wife just agrees with ex in everything. If I go, I can sit anywhere and won’t need to sit near them, and our son will be seated separately from guests, but obviously just before and after the ceremony we’d all expect to be with my ds taking photos etc. and I can't arrive at the last minute as they have strict rules about timings, so I'd need to be hanging around for at least 45 minutes beforehand.

I’m thinking of not going. I’d see ds before he leaves for the ceremony, and I could celebrate with him another day. My ds won’t care who goes, whether his mum or dad or anyone else. I haven’t said much to him about it. He is autistic. He doesn’t understand how I feel and when I’ve sometimes said anything about being reluctant to be near my ex and his wife, he thinks I’m being silly. I’ve been to an awards event for ds where ex and wife went but it didn’t involve spending time together and it’s the fact that his grandparents will also be there that makes me feel I can’t do this – 4 hostile people against me. Although we could get tickets for more people, there isn’t anyone suitable to invite to be there ‘for me’. My parents are long dead. It’s so horrible that whilst I do everything to support my ds, I also get put in this kind of situation. I’m the one who will be treated like a pariah and have to go off alone afterwards whilst the other 4 go with my ds for a meal. My ex-inlaws won’t say anything negative to me, just avoid me. So WWYD?

RenterNomad Mon 01-Jul-13 19:34:50

Has your son made any friends on his course? Their parents/ brothers/ sisters are your allies, particularly if you can offer anyone a lift to/from the station, local knowledge, etc. (being essential to someone will bump up your status, and you will look great sweeping in/away with a mystery man!)

Do any of DS's classmates need extra tickets? Without being a doormat to other awful families, you could get networking a bit, and be the centre of something when your DS inevitably has to bugger off with the outlaws...

1944girl Sun 04-Aug-13 18:36:55

I have just found this thread so apologies for being a late comer.

My eldest grandaughter graduated from uni last month.She is my DS's daughter and he and her mother divorced when she was a child.The arrangements we were told were this;
Ex DIL, DS's second daughter and DIL's son from her second marriage had got tickets for the main hall.DS, DH and myself were given tickets for another room where the ceremony was directly fimed on a large screen.
My DS took umbrage at this, as he considered his ex-wife had sidelined him and refused to go.My DH and myself went as it was all about DGD and we were proud of her.
We actually got a better view.The room where we were in was a lecture theatre with arena seats so everyone could see the screen.Ex-DIL complained as they were sitting in the back of the main hall and could not see a thing.I sympathised with her afterwards and we had a good laugh about it as I have forgiven all that happened in the past.
I only wish DS felt the same way, but that is families for you.

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