(just put this in AIBU as well so sorry if you are seeig double)
Horrible title but.... iv been with DP for 8 1/2 years I'm almost 30 and we have a 15 month old DS. DS wasn't planned (but very much wanted & loved) however ideally I didn't want children until I was married. I really think DP should be proposing. We've spoken about marriage but when it comes to this subject we both seem pretty crap at communicating. DP has never said he doesn't want to marry me but after this long and a baby I'm starting to wonder what the hell he's waiting for. He's in he military and 2 years ago said once he finishes his training we would get engaged. His training finished a year ago and still I don't feel like he's even planning to ask me. In a way I feel like he lead me on a bit.
I don't want him to feel pressured to propose - I want him to do it because he wants to. Evertyime i decide to talk to him about ut i feel like im pressuring him and it makes me feel crap. However In a way I feel like I also don't want to waste anymore time with someone who just may never ask. Marriage is important to me, I'm the only person out of all my friends thy isn't marries or engaged and iv been with DP the longest. His most recent excuse is Money. I'm not buying it. Yes we are not rolling in it and do not have enough cash for a big dream wedding and a tiffany engagement ring, but we are not so hard up we couldn't pull something lovely together without going into masses of debt or breaking the bank. I want a marriage not a wedding.
I'm feeling a bit torn should I consider leaving DP and eventually finding someone to be with that wants marriage, start putting some pressure and ultimatums on him, or just stay in what is actually a happy relationship, but risk never getting married & ending up resenting him for it. What do you think? Opinions please x
I'm really tired so I'm really sorry if this is overly blunt but honestly, I would just tell him it's time to get married now, it's important to you and you're fed up of waiting. He's not said he's got anything against it, so time to pull his finger out and get on with it.
Tell him you want to get married, or ask him to marry you. Tell him it's important to you. Don't accept an answer that just puts it off for longer. If he then won't actually commit to getting married, then you'll need to decide how you want to deal with it.