Fathers other daughter

(6 Posts)
draco4756 Fri 14-Jun-13 18:42:02

Hi all, I just wanted another point of view. The father to the child I'm having has another daughter. He has decided not to know name, gender or birthday of my child but is still active in his other childs life. I'm thinking about sending a letter to the mother of his other daughter with my contact details so that when she grows up she has the option to contact us if she wants. He has not told anybody he knows that I'm pregnant and we have agreed not to have communication. Can I have some views on this?

grants1000 Sat 15-Jun-13 11:48:48

Yes if the father of your child is not at all interested I say go for it, contact her and tell her, the half siblings might like to know when they are older. What a lovely thought when you are in a difficult situation, sounds likes you are already a great, kind and thoughtfull Mum!

Really sorry about your situation, he sounds like a real bastard. But you will have a gorgeous baby in your life, hope you have lots of friends and family around to help.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Sat 15-Jun-13 11:51:48

I would if I were you. His are not the only wishes to consider here, in fact, I'd go as far as to say 'who gives a fuck what he wants if he's walking away from his child'.

Will you name him on your childs BC? (I wouldn't)

Will you contact CSA? (I wouldn't)

Are you coping OK with him walking away from it all?

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Sat 15-Jun-13 11:54:40

Actually - having thought about it for a minute more, I was mostly reacting to him being a bastard (seemingly anyway) and not giving a shit what he thinks.... I don't know what I would do. If I felt this would in anyway make him more involved in our lives I wouldn't at this stage. I would want him as far away as possible and you don't know how this will impact on that...it's not a now or never situation, so I'd hold back for now.

NatashaBee Sat 15-Jun-13 11:54:53

I would do it, but I'd be prepared for the fact that I might get a negative response (or no response at all).

Were the two of you in a relationship?

draco4756 Sun 16-Jun-13 10:30:23

Anger tends to be a first response. It was once I calmed down that I realised I didn't want him involved anyway. They all live on the other side of the world, so the chance of a deep and meaningful communication in the next 10 years is slim to nil. I just feel I don't want to be part of the lie towards the other daughter. If my child gets to know why should she not? I don't expect any response for years if at all.

were living together at the time until he said this and I went home. So I know the daughter but the mother only to say hello to.

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