Not sure where to put this but please help....

(8 Posts)
Allthatglitters789 Wed 12-Jun-13 21:57:44

Hi all, I'm not sure in which section I should put this discussion but I thought here was the best bet.
My sister gave birth to my niece when she was 16 and when dn was 10 months old she dropped her at boyfriends mothers house and never returned for her, I was also a teenager and this obviously upset us all a great deal. She moved away to London and dn went to live with boyfriends lovely aunt just down the road. Now my sister has returned to the area and ds is 7 years old, myself and my dp found out on Monday that dn goes to the same school as my little boy, she walks past me everyday and doesn't know who I am. Unfortunately dn's dad is adamant I am to have nothing at all to do with my dn, well that is what he said after my sister dumped her and never returned. I'm not sure if maybe he thought I am the same (didn't have children back then) and that maybe I would disappear from dn's life too but that was 6 years ago and he has seen myself and partner almost every day for the last 5 years as we live on the next street. I would never in a million years leave my children, ever! What would you do, would you ask dn's father if it was ok to send birthday cards and gifts and maybe say hello to her when I see her? Bit nervous of doing this as dn's dad is very aggressive but it breaks my heart to walk past her now everyday. I also wanted to let him know that I won't forgive my sister for what she did (i think he thinks im on her side) yes she was young but there is no excuse for just leaving a child without her mother and starting a new life as if she doesn't exist. Hoping You mums will give me some advice on what to do. Thanks

Sparklymommy Thu 13-Jun-13 18:38:48

Could you write to him? Explain your side of things and ask him if you can help in any way? Maybe test the water and see if he has calmed down since all this happened? Make it clear you do not want to interfere, just to support him in a small way and maybe have a relationship with dn.

Hardhaton Thu 13-Jun-13 19:07:45

I think the best idea is to write to him.

harrietlichman Thu 13-Jun-13 19:13:45

agree with others - write what you wrote here, it's his call, ultimately, but you never know till you try. Good luck!

Allthatglitters789 Thu 13-Jun-13 22:19:37

Thanks ladies, I'm trying to work up the courage to message him on Facebook.

HooverFairy Wed 26-Jun-13 01:03:26

I'd avoid Facebook, it's too impersonal and a letter would seem much more appropriate in this case. Good luck, I hope you have this resolved soon it must be awful not to be involved in your niece's life. You sound like you would be a lovely aunt to her.

NatashaBee Wed 26-Jun-13 01:06:50

If he's not on your Facebook friends list the message may go into his 'other' mailbox rather than his inbox, I find lots of messages from people I don't know in there. I would write so you can be sure he gets your message.

babyhmummy01 Thu 27-Jun-13 08:55:43

Write a letter to him, explain how you feel about dn and ur dsis and wait for his response.

Good luck

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