I was a total cow today.

(85 Posts)
Schlub Sat 08-Jun-13 20:51:54

There was a child having a tantrum in the shop. He was crying really loudly because he couldn't have his own way. His mum told him to stop etc, the ignored him (I presume her intention was to ride it out, show him that crying won't get him his own way).

Anyways, I'm not entirely sure what came over me, but as I walked past him in his pushchair, I said "Ah, shut up." And not in a very nice way. Not in a jokey way. As I walked away, I heard the mum asking someone else "did she really just say that?"

She came up to me and told me I was "a disgusting woman". I replied with something along the lines of "what, because I told your child to shut up because you wouldn't?" After the mum went away, another woman walked past and said "you're lucky that wasn't my child you said that to".

I feel really bad about it now! I wish I could apologise to the mum for undermining her like that, and taking out my bad mood on her kid. It was wrong. Kids don't know any better. I should, I'm supposed to be an adult.

God, this image of her telling me I'm disgusting is going to stay with me for life. I just know it's going to replay in my head all night long, because it's been doing so all day. I guess that's my penance. That feeling of guilt. And shame.

At least I know I will never do it again. From now on, I'm going to strive to be a good person, and to bring kindness and happiness to those around me-regardless of how I feel. Even if I'm in a bad mood! I will be KIND! And MATURE!

To the mum and her son: I'm so sorry.

I was just wondering though, in this situation (from both sides, if you were the mum or if you were me) what would you have done? How would you have reacted? Again, I know I reacted poorly and it's not something I'm proud of. (Oh, and I'm not looking for people to tell me it's ok so long as I'm sorry or whatever, in case anyone though that! Because it's not! No sympathy grubbing here!)

Jollyb Sun 09-Jun-13 21:21:18

Probably outing myself here but was shopping the other day and my DD (2 ) was having a tantrum because I wouldn't buy her something. I was pushing her down the street trying to ignore the tantrum. Stopped to text my partner to say we were leaving.

A young couple walked past - the woman said 'I hate people like that'. The man walked up to my daughter and said 'your mother's a c**t'

Was gobsmacked but appreciated the irony of someone criticising my parenting by swearing at my daughter.

scottishmummy Sun 09-Jun-13 20:57:24

and your cursing would be as bad as the original outburst

gillywillywoo Sun 09-Jun-13 11:33:49

If I was the mother I would've turned around and told YOU to shut the fuck up.

You must have been in a serious mood.

treaclesoda Sun 09-Jun-13 11:23:45

Its not so much about the child though. Yes, it Was horrible thing to say to a child but they'll probably not be affected by it. But the OP said that the mum had tried, unsuccessfully, to calm the child, so telling the mum that she was saying shut up 'because you're not willing to' (or whatever the words were) was really just intended to be hurtful. And judging by the mum's response the OP's words did hurt. So, the OP clearly achieved what she wanted to, at the time, albeit that she regrets it now.

FanjoForTheMammaries Sun 09-Jun-13 10:31:40

You expressed a wish for a village though. .am surprised when you have been on other side

I can't see why no-one would tell an adult to shut up but think it is ok to shout shut up to a toddler in a buggy!
Having had the embarrasment of common child tantrums myself , shouting at them would not have helped and tbh it would have been hard for me to hold my tongue tbh.

Am more aghast that you think saying shut up to a child is an acceptable way to communicate with anyone by a stranger or family member.

Branleuse Sun 09-Jun-13 10:18:42

its hardly a critical village is it, one pissed off woman with a headache telling a screaming tantrumming kid to shut up.

I wouldnt have been delighted by it, but i wouldnt have been all guns blazing at the woman who'd had enough of someone elses brat being a complete noisy PITA

two of my kids have been mega tantrummers when younger, especially my eldest with ASD. Ive had comments ofc. I certainly wouldnt have had a massive go at someone who happened to have been annoyed by the screaming. Id have just explained and apologised.

FanjoForTheMammaries Sun 09-Jun-13 10:15:41

I highly disagree that everyone was thinking it.

I'm sure there were lots of people around who were understanding about toddlers and were sympathetic

HollaAtMeBaby Sun 09-Jun-13 10:13:04

Give yourself a break! You said what a lot of people in the shop were probably thinking. Yes, it was rude and unkind, but we're all flawed. No long term harm done.

FanjoForTheMammaries Sun 09-Jun-13 10:09:07

Thankfully I have mostly met a village of nice people who understand when she charges iver to them and tries to steal their food or their baby's toys..with me in hot pursuit apologising profusely.

That's the kind of understanding village we need branleuse. .not miserable critical people

FanjoForTheMammaries Sun 09-Jun-13 10:04:36

I didn't even say "is it my fault my daughter is quite disabled then'".

FanjoForTheMammaries Sun 09-Jun-13 10:03:52

Wish I had thrown lunch..or a punch..on the lovely woman who sat turned to face us shaking her head and saying "it's the parents'" fault because DD was making a mess with her lunch. .DD can barely use a spoon and drops things.

grin Ledkr

Ledkr Sun 09-Jun-13 09:55:00

I did mean a PUNCH on the nose but lunch sounds more appropriate in this case <visualises op with quiche dripping from her face>

Ledkr Sun 09-Jun-13 09:53:26

You are lucky you didn't get a lunch on the nose tbh. I take it you weighed that up before you were so vile and noted the mother looked fairly meek.

WireCat Sun 09-Jun-13 09:50:59

Honestly.
I'd have been really cross with you & probably had a row with you.

My son has meltdowns (he's autistic) and your judgmental crap would tip me over the edge.

EverybodysStressyEyed Sun 09-Jun-13 09:48:11

It was unkind but also unhelpful. So what wa the point?

If saying shut up to a screaming toddler worked then there would be a lot less screaming toddlers around! I know with my two they would have just howled louder of a stranger and told them to shut up.

I agree with the poster upthread - it's easy to tell a small child to shut up but I have never seen a loud adult being told the same. I take the bus regularly and have never seen anyone say anything to the loud obnoxious teenagers using foul language but I have seen mothers being 'told off' because their preschool child is daring to make a noise.

GoblinGranny Sun 09-Jun-13 09:45:03

'I'm amazed that so many people have had strangers commenting nastily on their children!
This has never happened to me once in five years of parenting, not once.'

That says a lot about the quality and niceness of your neighbourhood, long may it continue. smile

Alibabaandthe40nappies Sun 09-Jun-13 09:43:20

I'm amazed that so many people have had strangers commenting nastily on their children!
This has never happened to me once in five years of parenting, not once.

OP If you had just made the initial comment then that would be bad but forgivable. But to follow it up with further comments when an opportunity to apologise presented itself is pretty awful.
Sounds like there is some backstory here, do you need help?

shockshockshockshock I would have been too shocked to speak!

Nothing surprises me anymore though, my dm once took my dd4 at the time to a supermarket and a woman threatened to hit my dd as she was playing with rail thingyshock dm being dm quite simple told her to get out of the shop before she called the police.

In future keep your judgey pants on

FanjoForTheMammaries Sun 09-Jun-13 09:33:24

Thats all the poor mum needs. A village of rude people having a go at her child and making her feel crap.

Branleuse Sun 09-Jun-13 09:18:18

I dont see the big deal.
kid needed to shut up. everyone was probably thinking it. you were the one that said it.
of course you were rude but it hardly makes you a disgusting person. if I was that mother I would told yhe child that he was starting to annoy everyone else now and other people even wanted to tell him off.

takes a village to raise a child

GoblinGranny Sun 09-Jun-13 07:34:27

I'm with SM on this one, I wouldn't have responded and I wouldn't have been upset either. But then, I'm a parent of two, and a parent of child with SN, and a primary teacher so my skin is thicker than rhino hide when it comes to random insults and nastiness from people I don't know.
My primary thought would be 'Is my child upset by that interaction?' and deal with that.
I'd have judged you as an unpleasant person whose opinion wasn't worth bothering with. Rather like being yapped at by a dog in the street.

RubyrooUK Sun 09-Jun-13 07:19:28

ShinyPenny makes a good point Schlub.

Now I read your OP again, you ask for no-one to let you off following your rude behaviour and you're not "sympathy grubbing". Well, you were rude, but if you aren't yourself, then you do deserve to get some help. Do go see the GP if that is the case.

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